心灰意冷

有时候，当你已经试了全部的东西
你只能认命，不是你的，永远都不可能是你的。

最后一次了，我只相信最后一次。
就全力以赴吧。
反正钱都已经付了。

相信医生，相信自己一次。
最坏的结果就是不好起来，日子还是要过。

唯一的安慰就是你能看出谁是真正的朋友，谁真正的关心你。
钱，以后还可以赚回来。
别把它当一回事了吧。

加油！你可以的，钟韵。

Greatest enemy

All along, I've been blaming circumstances, situations and everything else for the plight I'm in.
It's only now, I've finally realized the real problem.

Me.
I'm my own greatest enemy.
And I can't overcome my own mentality, my attitude towards life.
Others don't mind, it's you yourself who minds so much.

The problem is already there and life goes on.
Let your personality shine and make your face be the least interesting part of yourself.

Prove yourself, overcome your greatest enemy.
I know you can do it.
You can.

Life.

First time blogging from my new iPad!
Haha
Reason being I just turned off my laptop and I have a sudden urge to blog.

This post is just gonna be filled with random ramblings.
So, I just turned 19 and for the past half yr i've came to a realization:
Normally partings words such as keeping in touch are just humouring words, what happens usually is that either parties move on and forget each other.
I don't blame them, it's tough keeping in touch with every single person you meet.
But I just find it so dampening, how life usually gets in the way of things and moving on is part of life.

I guess that's why I like history, I like living in the past.
But you can't live in the past. Too bad, the harsh reality.
That's life.

So, don't take things or pple too seriously.
You'll forget most them anyway. Sooner or later.

Happy Birthday

So, i turned 19 two days ago, 27th May 2011.

It was day filled with surprises and disappointments.

I was surprised by birthday wishes from people i didn't expect and disappointed by the lack of a birthday wish from people i expected.

I guess that's how life is, expect the unexpected.

Nevertheless, I was happy with how the day turned out.

Thank you, to all those who wished me well.

Happy Birthday to me,

I'm 19, at the finale of my teenage years.

Please be good to me, and let this year be a fulfilling and happy one.

:)

Self-Absorption

I've been thinking long and hard before i decided to type out this post.

First of all, this post is triggered by the increasing number of teenage suicides that have came of concern to me and i do agree that suicide can be a sensitive aka touchy topic.

Nevertheless, this post contains my personal opinions and i apologise if it appears offensive or offends anyone.

So, i came back from Taiwan last Sunday and was happily unpacking my bags when one piece of news caught my eyes:

Teenage girl falls to her death at Ang Mo Kio

By Jeffrey Oon | SingaporeScene – Sun, May 15, 2011
An 18-year-old girl fell to her death in Ang Mo Kio Avenue 6 on Saturday evening.

Krystal Aki Mizoguchi, who was half Japanese, was found dead at the foot of her block at about 7.40pm at Blk 509, Ang Mo Kio Ave 6, reported Shin Min Daily News.

She is said to have fallen from her flat on the ninth floor and according to the Chinese daily, is believed to have committed suicide due to relationship problems.

Two suicide notes were reportedly discovered. Krystal, who was to turn 19 next month, was waiting to begin classes at a private university after finishing a five-month stint as a temporary clerk at the Ministry of Education.

According to her blog, the Yishun Junior College student grew up in a single-parent family and has been living with her 17-year-old brother for three years in her current three-room flat. Her parents are believed to be separated.

Krystal is also known to have begun dating from 13 years old and since then neglected her studies.

A scan of her Facebook page revealed several cheerful photos of herself in what seemed to be a usual teenager's life.

But the last entry on her blog, dated March 5 earlier this year and which was entitled "Crash and Burn", spoke of her broken dreams after poor A-Level exam results.

I cut and paste the key points, you can read the full article here.

I was deeply saddened by this news

However, at the same time, i was perplexed, by her actions and reasons for committing suicide.

After reading her blog and various newspaper articles reporting her suicide, i have came to the conclusion that she committed suicide due to a break-up and not up to expectation A Level results.

The latter being an underlying reason and the former the catalyst.

If you ask me, i would say that not being able to enter a local Uni is not the end of the world.

I mean if you strictly look at Statistics, only about top 30% of 1992-ers enter local Unis.

So, what about the rest of the 70%? Do they all commit suicide because they can't enter a local Uni?

As for relationships, honestly speaking, what do we know about LOVE at 18 years old?

I seriously believe it's all teenage puppy love at our stage now and it's not justifiable to give up your life for it.

Ok, i'm seriously the last person deem fit enough to judge someone's relationship and their choices.

I mean, Suicide is very much a personal decision and Krystal chose it.

I respect her decision and just wish her all the best in the afterlife, rest in peace.

The thing that i feel the most sad for is her mother and younger brother.

Her mother single-handedly raised her up only to have her being so cowardly and weak and committed suicide.

What about her poor brother who looked up towards her as a role-model?

All she left behind is an example of taking the easy way out when problems come about.

In death, the dead gets the easy way out as their suffering ended, but those who live continues their life with a piece of them gone forever. It's those who live whom carries the pain with them forever.

Maybe it is because we are of the same age and at the same stage of our life now,

Krystal's suicide struck me particularly deep, even till today when it was a week old news.

I thought about her reasons for doing so and how depressed she must be to commit suicide.

And the only thing i could come up with is: Self-Absorption.

I think this is a problem that most Gen-Y kids have (including me).

We are too self-absorbed with our own problems that we ignore everything else ard us.

We perceive other pple's judgement of us when others may not even care about you.

We enlarge our problems till it's the end of the world when it's just peanuts if you compare it to, let's say, the recent Japan Tsunami and Earthquake?

"Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection - or compassionate action."
— Daniel Goleman (Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships)

This quote adequately explains what i'm trying to say about self-absorption.

Maybe it's time for all of us to burst our bubbles and live a life beyond it.

Life is not all candies and fairytales, it's tough, hard and only the strongest survives.

To whoever is reading this (if ever anyone does),

The moral of the story this post is to stay strong.

It's not the end of the world when you don't get your way.

Learn to see beyond your problems, there is an extraordinary world beyond your own bubble.

Remember,

Death does not solve problems, it just creates more heartache.

We live in a beautiful world! :)

Back from Taiwan!!

SO...

I'm back from Taiwan!

:)

It was a fun but tiring trip.

What with our late nights, no sleep and crazy flight timings.

Hee...

But i guess, everything is an experience and it will be a memory cherished for life.

:)

And the more pressuring issue now is my University.

I'm planning to accept a choice from the 3 universities by this week and it will most likely be NUS FASS.

However, i'm still harboring btw NTU or NUS.

I mean, NTU communication studies is more specialised and more respectable in some way?

But my dad is more concerned about the branding.

Afterall, NUS is among the top 40 universities in the world.

And a degree from FASS is pretty much a general degree where my career can progress any way i want in the future.

The most impt thing is to work hard and graduate with a first class honors degree.

I think my dad make sense and NUS FASS has always been my dream school.

But what with my experience with NJC, more often than not, your perception of the sch changes when it doesn't meet your expectations.

I'm afraid that i'll regret my choice in the future.

Life is all about making decisions and living with the consequences, no matter good or bad.

I'm currently standing at a cross-road that leads to my future.

One states NTU and the other, NUS.

That crucial first-step is so impt and i can't make my choice.

:(

But i know, no one can help me make this decision.

I can only listen to opinions but at the end of the day, the choice is all mine.

Make a choice and live with it.

After all, the happiest person does not have everything, it's how they make the best out of what they have.

Goodbyes and new beginnings.

Goodbyes make my throat hurt... I need more hellos.
- Charlie Brown

Yesterday was my last day at work for my present company.
Sudden and saddening.

But i guess life goes on.
Moving on.

Flying off to Taiwan TONIGHT!
HAHA
Bye Singaland! See you in 8 Days time! :)