Happy pills

Was so tempted to take time off this afternoon coz my headache was killing me.
And now I'm sick... what a bad time to be sick coz I am flying tmr zzz

BUT, still made the effort to travel down to beauty world for dinner with val and pam.
They are my happy pills, I was immediately elated when I saw them omg.
Like my whole day of fatigue just went away, and all my unhappiness throughout the day just went away.
How would I live without them sigh.

Val uttered the truth - I wasn't looking for a friend, I was looking for a companion.
That's why my expectations are so high...
It is what it is，I guess.
李大仁是不存在的。
大多数男生，一旦你不感兴趣，就会对你冷淡，最后，连朋友都不是。

Onwards, to better life.
Will be seeing HD tmr, literally hahaha.

Till I'm back~

自己的一厢情愿

当一个男人对你感兴趣，一定会奋不顾身的找你，和你说话，追你。
但，当你要卑微的倒追，就代表兴趣没了。

有可能是我想太多吧。
我也太天真，感情的世界我不知道怎么navigate.

但，我决定了。
从今天起，我不会再卑微的倒追了。
今天，我的所做所谓，也许注定了结局吧。

我要找一个对我好的人，会一直在的人。

礼拜五就要飞去香港了。
去散散心吧~

加油，钟韵。
要相信自己，会找到你的幸福的。^^

--------------------------------------------------
5.57am

最后，还是失眠了。
我觉得好累，这一年，太多事情发生了。
也许最大的过错，就是我总是用自己的理解看世界。
换来的，总是自己的一厢情愿。

很多时候，事实摆在你的眼前。
但，就是一直奢望，一直抱有希望。
换来的，只是失望。

时间，会冲淡一切。
这一点我比任何人都明白。
只是，我还要有多少次的一厢情愿?
多少次的失望?

想放过自己，因为真的太累了。
想找一个对自己好的人，真的好难。

你在哪里?

Picnic @ Botanic Gardens!

Had a great time with Beth and Maria at Botanic Gardens today!

Went there for a mini picnic.

I brought sandwiches, Maria brought grapes (that was super super sweet and nice and she was so proud about LOL) and Beth provided the mat and chips and sausages. 

Botanic Gardens was so misty, it looked super surreal. 

Almost like 'Secret Garden' hahaha

And I am still amazed at S7's camera quality, it is super good!

Went Island Creamery for some post-meal desserts!

We asked for 2 scoops but the amount the generous scooper dished was crazy, way more than 2 scoops.

Thanks for making our money worth! Hahaha

Had a lot of meaningful conversations with Beth & Maria.

It was indeed quality time well-spent and I really enjoyed knowing more about people rather than superficial small talks. 

Shared my honest sentiments on making friends as an adult and how people are so guarded now. 

Sometimes, I wonder if my thinking of treating colleagues as friends is being too naive, because I sincerely believe we can make friends as adults. 

But, most people have already formed their inner circle of friends. 

Those who are attached perhaps are even more closed to meeting new people and making new friends. 

And I don't blame them, it is hard, freaking hard. 

This year, has been the most eventful year for me in terms of relationships till now. 

Been in a lot of one-sided friendships and it made me realise being friends as an adult, the relationship has to be organic, yet not passive. 

There must be one person that shows their vulnerability first and see if the other person reciprocates. 

I guess, the biggest take-away for me this year, is learning how to manage expectations, in every areas of my life. 

There are so many areas of life that are beyond my control now, esp when it comes to relationships.

The only things I can control, are my thoughts and my actions. 

Recently, there has been one person weighing on my mind:

Captain.

Not sure if it was just me, but during OBS I felt an odd sense of chemistry with him. 

Perhaps it was because he is really easy to get along with and he is pretty popular. 

Over the months, somehow unexpectedly, we started a friendship - mainly through going out to movies and eating dinner together etc. 

And, he was the first person who knew about the debacle with D in April.

Then, I cried over the phone to him. 

It was the first time I was so vulnerable in a long time, I can still clearly rmb my tears then. 

And maybe because he was very nice to me, somehow I started having expectations towards him: perhaps there's smth more? 

But, clearly there is nth more. haha

Captain had drawn the lines with me - we are friends and he is friends with everyone. 

Only... I'm not even sure how long this friendship will last. 

Because we don't have a clique, and our lives are too far apart. 

Together with the end of D's debacle, I feel that his part in my life is drawing to an end soon. 

A bit bittersweet, because I really like him as a person. 

Although captain looks beng-ish, I feel that he is a good person and a really loyal one too. 

And I learnt a lot from him, he may be one of the good things that happened to me for 2016. 

I hope sincerely that he will find his happiness soon. 

Thank you Captain. 

And now, I must let go.

Hai Di Lao!

First Hai Di Lao experience today!
Went to Hai Di Lao post-work with the OBS peeps - Alvin, Shi Han and Weiming.
Was kinda worried at first because... wm is not part of CDG and was scared the frequency won't be there and things will be awkward.
But i guess, the worry was unfounded as dinner turned out well! haha
Rather than him, I felt kinda out of place lol.
And, it was sort of the first time I went out with 3 guys omg.

Hai Di Lao was super ex but a good experience nevertheless.
Don't think I will eat it soon though because the price is super ex.
Atas steamboat basically.
And the queue is insane!
Called all 3 branches of HDL for queue ticket, eventually managed to convince Alvin to drive down to IMM.

The whole dinner went quite well - somehow became a counselling session lol.
Or rather, direction seeking session.
Told Alvin about my contract renewal situation and he was kinda taken aback because it never occurred to him that this would happen.

Actually, I alr kinda have my ans.
Will be renewing till I find a job.
I feel really glad to hang out with them because I realise I really learn a lot from them.
Alvin is gonna be a dad soon, bro is in a complicated relationship that has become official and weiming... not kinda sure what's his status LOL.
But, all of them taught me a lot.
Alvin was saying in life, people come and go.
I know this as a fact, but acceptance is still hard.

Wm also taught me a lot - about relationships, friendships and pokemon go LOL.
Glad to meet them, even if is for the time being.
Maybe the definition of friends is really not how long it is, but rather the impact they made during the period they were in your life.

Why

And then I wonder, why I am so bothered/hurt when people leave my life or when people doesn't care about me.
It shouldn't bother as much, because I used to be fine without them, before I knew them.
And things, they run their course.

So, stop chasing after people.
Chase after yourself, and take care of yourself.

Moments in Time

This week is the last week where I will be seeing 大坏蛋 in the office.
And so... this closes another chapter of my life.
This year, I have closed so many chapters of my life, as new people come and go.
I don't think I will ever get use to goodbyes, in fact, I think it gets harder with every goodbye.
But, I have learnt, everything and everybody are seasons in time.
As the phrase goes,

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

On Mon, spontaneously jio-ed weiming out for dinner while on the MRT home.
And I really enjoyed it, coz I managed to catch 3 Pikachus and 1 Snorlax using his phone muahahaa
Wasn't that into PokemonGo till this week LOL.
But I'm only catching for fun, to while away time.
Today, even met Hilda at Somerset to catch pokemons hahaha
I wonder how long this fad will last.

Been reminding myself whenever I get sentimental or too reliant on someone - they are not your possessions.
They can only accompany you for a season, so enjoy the moment.

Have no expectations, everything is a bonus. 

Thank you all, for accompanying me for awhile.

:)

To go or not to go, that is the question.

Recently, life has been so monotonous - work, work and work.
I have been so packed with work, that OT has become a norm.
And with OT, came gastric pains. :(

Today, was originally gonna cancel on dinner plans.
But so glad I went ahead because they brought me out of the zone.
Haven't seen Darrell Lian for very long and he is still as ambitious, or perhaps more ambitious?
But somehow, he has mellowed down a bit more too. Like he is way more grounded in certain aspects.

They brought us to this really cool rooftop bar called Lepark and is like super hard to find coz is directly above People Park Complex.
Mings and I had to take this cargo lift up and I was telling her how this is the perfect settings for a horror film and she totally tsk-ed me LOL.
Really enjoyed the convos, although it was mostly them talking and me listening coz I am not really at their level hahaha.

Today boss shared during the GLC meeting that conversations determine culture of a place and I totally agree.
Was quite sick and tired of the small talks with colleagues at work - like you don't really get to know people for who they are. People just go through the mundanes at work.
Or do people become homogenous after they work? Like blend into the environment.

Looking at D Lian, who just finished a 2 months internship stint in a fintech in Bangkok and now thinking of starting a start-up - saying that it doesn't matter should it fail but he wants to give it a shot.
I start to think what am I doing with my life?
Boss recently told me he decided to renew my contract for another year - meaning I failed to get permanent position.
And the tough decision comes - to go or not to go?

Was going through some work with boss today, and I realised I really cannot stand the culture.
It's too stagnant, too 爱面子, too hierarchical, too restrictive.
Even if I stay, it won't be for long because I cannot see myself progressing or growing in this organisation.
It's really quite sad, considering how positive I was 10 months back on getting this job.

Sometimes I really question the job hopping situation among millennial.
Is it really us being the strawberry generation? Or rather the jobs?
Maybe there shldn't be any finger pointing, most things are never as clear cut as they seem anyway.

Need to make an informed decision & to be less impulsive. 

As for now (& the coming weeks of OT), you can do this Zhong! 

JIAYOU!<3 p="">