It's 11.42pm here .
I'm in my room, typing away.
My brother is in his dreamland; my parents sound asleep.
It's a quiet night, nearing the end of 2011.
So what's it gonna be? A heartfelt post of mine.
This year zoomed by incredibly fast.
Recounting the beginning, i held my first ever job at Bega, as an admin & accountancy assistant.
It was an eye-opener, my first step into actual working society.
However, the low pay and boredom drove me to seek another job.
Where i ended at Beam.
Here, i can honestly say, has been the most exciting and eventful 2.5 months of my life ever.
I was scolded by BBW countless times, even till i cry.
Had such a fun time with my colleagues.
Went to CozyCot event as an event helper (first time experience with backstage preparations for events!).
Went to SSLC anniversary @ Orchard TAB and saw/took pics with local celebrities (Edmund Chen, Sing Hui, Michelle Chong, Joy Chua etc)
And it was my first time, being an assistant artiste manager.
Things didn't end well there.
I was fired, albeit in a polite way.
After which, i went on my first no-adults-entirely Taipei trip with Hilda and Jodie.
It was a weird trip, since i wasn't close to Jodie at all.
Bok was originally supposed to go with us, but with life in the way, it didn't plan out as we wished.
Nevertheless, i had fun!
First time putting on make-up also, for 6 days!! (Almost the whole trip)
Worked at Yamaha Music School briefly for about 1 month after the trip.
It was a quiet job, much less exciting than at Beam.
But, there was a unique sense of belonging and i liked the job.
After all, i was close to music, a part of me ever since i began learning piano at age 7.
But as all things go, they never last, especially good times.
As far as i can remember, the 'attack of the depression monsters' came after the job.
Marked the start of a difficult battle which to this day and moment, i'm still fighting.
I was diagnosed with Seborrheic Dermatitis, a Chronic skin disorder that has no cure.
Together with my acne, my face was a mess. I looked like a monster.
My already fragile confidence level went straight to nought.
I had to quit my job because i couldn't face pple.
My 1st Sem at Uni was a disaster. With me skipping school ever so often because i could not bring myself to go to school with such a face.
My mum bought me to see my first psychiatrist, whom diagnosed me with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
I took my first ever anti-depressant and decided i'm never, ever gonna take a 2nd pill.
I isolated myself completely.
Even wanted to withdraw from school.
My family revolved around me, as i whine and cry and they had no choice.
Arguments occurred ever so often, tears became my best companion.
I was utterly lost, on worst days, i thought life was gonna end right then and there.
However, i guess, the fear of death was even greater.
Somehow, i hanged on. Barely.
As i tried my best to catch up on my studies and went for the exams.
I pulled through, i strived to stay in Uni.
After my exams, i went back to China. For 3 weeks.
Reason was to seek docs to see if there's any cure for my skin.
My mum ran with me to see countless docs : Western Dermatologists, TCM etc.
Now, i'm back. On the medicines everyday.
There, ZY's summary of her life in 2011.
Looking back, i had countless firsts this year.
No matter the good or bad, i'm glad they happened.
Everything happens for a reason, i believe they all had some learning values in them.
Currently, i feel lost than ever.
I dunno what i want, all along, my life path has been decided by s'pore govt.
Studies: PSLE, O's, A's --> Uni.
But once i'm in Uni, it's the 1st time that i had to honestly ask myself: what do i like? where do i want to go?
What do i want?
I dunno. I really don't.
And that's sad. It's sad to have no goals in life.
No passion for anything, why are you even living?
Being a parasite in your parents home.
What you have now, is all given to you by your parents.
Not based on your own capabilities.
I hope you can derive the answer soon, ZY.
What do you want?
Don't let another year get you by.
Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012.
