reminders

Had a good dinner and chat with Bok and Hilda tonight.
It has been a month since the start of my internship.
I complain a lot. About the environment and everything, but after awhile, i realise it's me just making excuses for myself.
I expect a lot, but for the wrong things.
I expect my job to be perfect, people to be nice and sincere to me, most importantly, for people to do things for me.
But, why should others invite me to lunch? Why should others be nice to me?
It made me think.
Whenever i find others insincere, do they find me insincere too?
I feel like i am always waiting and expecting others to treat me the way i want them to, like i have this expectation of them that it thwarts the way they actually are and i am making myself miserable coz of my own perception of others.

Change your thoughts, and your change your world.
Maybe my new motto should be: Accept that you are imperfect, accept that the world is imperfect, accept that people have their own lives and won't always be the way you want them too.
Most importantly, seek to improve yourself everyday. It may be little progress, but any progress in better than nth.
Don't beat yourself up over past mistakes, reflect on them. When things doesn't go well, reflect on them instead of thinking that you are the worst person on Earth.

And, rmb that no matter how you change, there will always be pple who doesn't like you, pple who finds you fake.
However, they will be pple who like you for who you are.
Change for yourself, change for them but don't waste time on pple who doesn't deserve them.

People are never the way you perceive them to be - let go of your expectations of others and you'll be happier.

No matter how many bad points there are about you, rmb there are good points about you too, even if they are very minimum.

Don't try to hide, because the more you hide, the more insincere you seem. Although, be tactful about it too.
Be honest, but not straightforward.
Accept compliments, but do not be boastful about them.
Speak less, listen more.

how much, is ever enough?

Recently, I've been trying to change my thoughts.
They say, if you can't change what's happening, then change your mindset.
I want to be more positive, and the effort is taking a more daunting task than i thought.
Change never comes easy anyway, it goes through failure, withdrawals etc
But, i really want to be more positive, be more strong mentally no matter what comes my way.

Only... I feel like i lack a proper support system.
Honestly, I would love to have someone who understands what i'm going through to talk to.
But i don't. No one around me understands or is ever there for me.
I try, to lower my expectations.
But how low is it ever enough?

Sometimes, (and this is the pessimistic side of me talking again), i feel that the world won't care if i just die.

Yeah.