' We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life.
It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it’s four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can’t remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. '
- Marina Keegan, Opposite of Loneliness.
Chanced upon this quote (followed by article) & it speaks volumes about the state i'm in.
I'll be graduating in half a year's time and right now, I am in a mix of yearning, sentimentality, hopefulness, bleakness, togetherness & loneliness.
Ah, if there's one word closest to loneliness, I guess that would be togetherness.
But even that word doesn't capture the fullness of the opposite of loneliness.
I'll be honest, throughout my 4 years in NUS, I've been a lonely soul.
Maybe it began even earlier, since NJC, because I had a class, and yet I didn't due to my hybrid combination.
This semester proved me wrong.
For the first time in a long while, I actually enjoyed myself despite the toughness of this sem.
This semester was hard, pushing me to brinks even with sleepless, stressful nights rushing assignments (2 4k word essays in 2 weeks!)
But, it was fun, because of the people.
That's when I realised, I'm an environment person.
When I was doing my internship, it was easy. The job was so easy & yet I wasn't happy at all.
In fact, I was complaining at every chance I had.
It was because of the environment, so cold & exclusive.
Coming back to school, it was so tough.
I whined (like always) but somehow, amidst it all, I was happy? Because of the people.
I felt like I belonged, I was part of the circle - we were together as the 2014/2015 history cohort.
I once read somewhere, that what all humans want from others (& the key to a successful relationship) is acknowledgment.
No matter in what form - acknowledgment of your work, acknowledgment of your role, acknowledgment that you are as important to someone else as they are to you et cetera.
It's all about acknowledgments.
Yet, acknowledgments are the hardest to be attained, especially when it comes to blurred issues such as relationships.
Maybe, the opposite of loneliness is mutual acknowledgment in its entirety.
When both parties/or in a group acknowledges everyone for who they are and their roles, there is that feeling of completeness.
Ah, maybe the opposite of loneliness is completeness.
So, why do I feel more lonely in a group than alone by myself?
Perhaps, it's due to greed. Somehow, I become greedier the more happy I feel in a group.
I want us to be together forever.
HA, the naivety of 22 year old me.
I'm not unrealistic, I know people leave and move on, & a few months down the road, I will forget about this people.
Just like how I have moved on from a lot of people.
But, I guess I am just not good with goodbyes.
Or maybe, what I'm even worst at is hellos.
