Tomorrow,
1st July'09, wednesday.
Tomorrow,
is the day i've dreaded yet anticipated for so long.

Reason being,
Tomorrow is the last day of Common test for me.
And yet, i have both History and Chemistry tmr.
It's killing me.
Or rather, the whole common test is killing me emotionally.

I've been a total emotional wreck this past few days.
From worrying, insecurity before a test to being depressed and yet relieved after a test.
It's the same for the past 2 days and i always feel so so tired when i reach home.
Don't even have the energy to study and yet, i force myself to coz there's no other way.

I dun think i have ever been this petrified about an exam before, not even for O levels.
JC is so tough!
& my gp is a goner.
T.T


5 days holiday for me after tmr,
i feel like my June hols is shortened to only this 5 days.



Tomorrow will be the day where freedom never felt so good before.

Went Mind Cafe with Nas and mama today.
OMG!
I super long never see Nas.
haha.
She was one of my closest friend cum sitting partner in lower sec. days.
Missed her so!

I still rmb once in class during lower sec. days,
i actually used a scissors and snipped off a bit of her hair.
I had no idea why i did that, think i was a bit mad.
LOL.

& she got SOOOOOO angry!
She flared up and shouted at me in front of everyone in class!
I was quite scared and shocked coz normally she's so nice & won't get so angry.
I apologised profusely and i'm glad our friendship was not ruined.
=]]]]]

Anyway, Mind cafe was fun!
My 1st time there and i was the winner!!!
We played one diagram game, tiki-tiki, bluff, monkey & trees (Nas 13 monkeys! LOL!), cluedo.
I wanted to play one game called clueless captain, but that needs 4 pple and we only had 3.
:(
Nvm, we'll play that nxt time!

Oh ya,
we were so mad over nas I-touch.
LOL.
Or rather, the games inside.
Had soooooo much fun playing scramble and one tap-tap game on the mrt to and fro.
It was a great day out with friends!
I was rather reluctant to go out today due to my sore throat and flu.
But, i missed nas and i'm so glad i went!
=]]]]


HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOYCE!!!!^^


I realised,
meeting a new friend is easy, but keeping friends is difficult.
I'm glad i still have friends that i call mine,
& i hope i have the strength and determination to hold on to all the friends that are dear to me.
Afterall, its fate to meet someone and be friends, right?
=]]]

I have a sore throat,
& an ulcer on my gum
& both hurts like nobody's business.

It's another sunday gone.
& i'm still procrastinating.
Oh man,
hate myself at times like this.

I need to stop whining & get on with what i need to do.
Since i can't stop myself from touching the computer,
i'm gonna lock up the computer & keep myself as far away from modern technology as possible.


Drown me in notes.
:)






It's good while it lasted.

I'm suffering from post-overseas blues.
:((((((

& i'm procrastinating all over again.
T.T

Someone, motivate me to study, MUG!

I miss Shanghai, LOADS!
Hmm. My dad say he have 2 wks holidays during dec.
I was thinking of going back shanghai.

But then, i just went back in January.
& we went overseas again in June.
spent a lot of $$,
so not sure if my dad is willing.
Pls, let him be.
*cross-fingers*

I need to stop procrastinating.
DETERMINATION!!!!

Just remind yourself.
Common Test in 2 wks time.

OMG!

I'm back!
LOL!

Went overseas from 7th-12th June,
& it was a super tiring trip.
Flew from Singapore to Macau on the 1st day,
took 2 hr bus to Guang Zhou on 2nd day & immediately flew again to Guilin that night.
Stayed at Guilin for 3 days & enjoyed all the breathe-taking sceneries.
Flew back with mum today while my dad & bro flew to Hangzhou.

Oh ya,
the tour grp was made up of old folks!
Almost. But still, it was the first time i went on a tour with old folks.
haha! & they all speak cantonese somemore.
However, some of them do have interesting stories.
=]


With aunty Ah mei. My mum's good friend.
She lives in Guang Zhou & she's super friendly!
=]]]


My bro & I. Check out the scene behind.
We were in 1 of the many mantou sans that we visited.


My family!!! Love them loads.
& i miss my bro & dad loadssssss!!!!!!
Hope they come back safe and sound soon!!!!


Hmm.
I must say, this trip overseas did aid me through my thoughts.
I thought about life a lot & what i wanted from it.
I realised, if we are studying now for the sake of good job=money,
it's all a waste.
Instead, i want to study for the fulfillment i receive when my hard work pays off.

Money, you can't bring it with you when you pass away.
It's the greatest sin of life as it brings greed, jealousy and all the 7 deadly sins.
However, money can in turn be good if you use it for charity and add value to your life.
& so, i'm gonna study hard for the inner fulfilment.
& my future job will be one of passion and not for money.


People often confuse pleasure with happiness,
Pleasure is obtained from external materialistic wants,
Happiness comes from within.

Handle with Care

I've always loved books written by Jodi Picoult,
Simply because they were all so riveting & thought-provoking.
What would you do if you were in the same situation?
& 'Handle with Care' was another great book from her,
the meaning in the book was beyond what those words used meant,
you have to read between the lines.


I had a hard time reading 'Handle with Care'.
Half-way through the book, i actually had difficulty breathing & my heart ached for the characters.
Even though some people may find Amelia an annoying brat or charlotte as cruel.
I loved all the characters,
all of them had a story & if you actually listened & put yourself in their shoes,
you would empathise with all of them.


The book was written in second person,
with all the characters addressing their issues to willow,
the center character where all the drama revovled around.
Willow was born with Type III osteogenesis imperfecta (OI),
even though she survived after birth,
she would suffer hundreds of bone breaks in her lifetime.
Willow's mother, Charlotte, filed for a wrong birth lawsuit against her obstetrician.
Where if she won the law case & gain monetory payouts,
she & her family would never have to worry about the huge amount of bills as a result of willow's breaks.


If you read it this way, Charlotte made a clever decision to file for the lawsuit.
However, there were only 2 problems:
1) The obstetrician Charlotte was suing was her best friend.
2) To win the case, Charlotte have to admit that she wished Willow had never been born.


Even though the lawsuit was filed in 2007,
it took 2 years before the actual trial took placed,
& in between that 2 years,
both Charlotte & Piper's (Obstetrician cum best friend) family was nearly torn to pieces by the lawsuit.


The ending was not something anybody would expect as well.
It seemed to be a happy ending,
but things were far from perfect.
Indeed, be careful what you wished for.


Charlotte:
There was a point in the book that i really liked, 'There is a difference between being a dutiful mother and being a good mother. A dutiful mother is someone who follows every step her child makes, a good mother is someone whose child wants to follow her.'
Charlotte concentrated all her efforts on Willow, so much that she can give up all others-- her husband, Sean, her BFFAA, Piper, her other daughter, Amelia.
In between parts of the book, i did find her a bit selfish. However, how can anybody find her cruel when what she did was actually her way of loving her daughter? And something that any of us could have done.
What Charlotte did was to pick up the burden & label of ' bad guy' from others, in order for Willow to have a better life. How can anybody argue that she was not being a good mother in her own way?


Sean:
Sean was a doting father & loving husband, but he did not agree with Charlotte on the wrong birth lawsuit. He loved Willow & could not see any reasons why they should lie that they wished Willow had never been born. Because of the many differences, he filed for a divorce and even went to the defendant side.
First of all, i know that this was Sean's way of loving Willow. & even though he tried to talk senses & tried to resolve their differences with Charlotte, Charlotte could not hear anything except her determination to protect Willow. Perhaps, divorce was the only way Sean saw.
I do emphatise with Sean, he was a man carrying the entire household finance burden. However,
he was not the guy always around Willow & having adrenaline pumping 24 hrs a day to be prepared to run when Willow had a break. Sean was one of the decisive factor that nearly torn the family apart as well & i was glad when they romantically resolved their differences in the court.


Amelia:
Amelia was a girl i felt strongly about. Perhaps it was because i'm in the adolescent stage as well. She craved for her parents attention as all went to Willow due to her special needs. She hated & blamed herself for not being able to protect Willow as a sister. Due to all this hatred and cravings, she suffered from bulimia and started cutting herself.
I could totally understand her feelings, she was a girl undergoing great changes to her body & yet she had to carry her family burden around her as well with her classmates labelling her in cohorts with her mother. She lost her BFFAA as well, whom was Piper's daughter. The only way she felt she was in total control of her life was when she vomit and cut herself, simple because those were her own decisions.
In truth, Amelia was a kind and beautiful girl. How many siblings would go to such great extent of blaming themselves for another's illness? I strongly believed that Amelia would not resort to cutting herself if only Charlotte and Sean had paid a little more attention to her.
The ending was a bit abrupt & Amelia's viewpts were nt addressed. I would have loved to know how Amelia felt. I could feel the love Amelia had for Willow from their one-one conversations in the book.


Willow:
Willow was a beautiful kid. Her wisdom and choice of words would amaze anybody, afterall, she was just 6 years old. Throughout the book, you would fall in love with Willow & blame Charlotte for her choice. Willow could not understand Charlotte for saying she love her & yet wishing that she was never born.
I loved Willow as well, she was the soul of the story. Due to her disability, there are so many things that she yearns for but she couldn't do. I envy Willow's will and how strong she was, whenever she suffer a break & even though it was super painful, she swallowed back her tears. That's not something any of us can do. However, even though she tried as hard as she could to be a normal kid, the undeniable truth is she had a disability & required special care. With that, you would agree with Charlotte's decision, reality is practical.


I'm having difficulties bringing myself away from the book,
out of all the jodi picoult books i've read,
I like ' my sister's keeper', 'nineteen minutes' & 'handle with care' the most.
Love her and her books!
=]


xoxo
zy

TRIP TO MARINA SQUARE.

Went out with mama today,
destination---- CITYHALL.

That blur mama,
told her to meet me at cityhall mrt station,
in the end, she walked to marina square.
So i ended up walking citylink for the first time alone to marina square.
LOL.

Ate pizza hut,
i wanted to catch a movie, but there was none that catered to mama's taste.
Then i suggested we watch individually,
coz she haven't watch NATM2 and i haven't watch angels and demons.
She thought it was a stupid idea.
>.<


Walked ard marina square before we went suntec for the book fair.
We didn't know there was a book fair,
until someone walked up to us & asked the directions to suntec.
Since the both of us was so bored, we decided to go.


The book fair was ok, there were some bks that was sold super cheap.
However, we didn't buy any.
Then, we went to the nxt convention hall and there was some food stores displayed.
I suddenly had craving for Donut Factory donuts,
so we went to Raffles shopping center to buy.
Luckily, there was no queue.
& there was even a promotion of 12 donuts at $9.90!
Shared the cost with mama.
& the day ended with me heading home & mama for css syf performance.


I realised i have a love or hate relationship with my hair,
Am getting irritated with my super long hair at times,
& bobs are so tempting!
Don't know whether i shld just chop my long hair off for a bob.
Coz i dun think a bob suits my face shape.
=[[[[[





Somehow, I already knew the answer even before i asked.
You've changed.
I will rmb the best memories i've had with you.
Some things may not last forever,
but, memories do.
Life is about learning, & letting go.

Credits to ForNeverAndNever

For so long, i felt tired.
Bottling up my fears, worries and frustration.
& when i let it all go,
the ans came back to me: ' insecurity '.


When you become real close to someone,
your expectations towards that someone increase.
& when that person didn't manage to reach your expectation,
you try to change that person.
Holding on, trying to change, isn't that so tiring?
Especially when the end results is still not what you expect.


& that's when i realised,
you can't change others, you can only change yourself.


I'm so selfish.
I didn't realise that in a friendship, it concerns 2 person.
& not only me.
I didn't consider your feelings at all,
& just did things for what i felt was best for ME.


But my best was not yours.
& in a friendship, both parties need to give and take.
I should stop being so selfish.
A friendship should complement both of us, & not compromise from one side.


Perhaps we should start by learning to trust each other.
Get rid of all these insecurities.
When you believe, it can work wonders.