Fear.

~x

I had a terrible time for the past few months.
Not saying that i feel better now, but i believe its getting better emotionally.
And the core of all this emotional stress, is my acne problem.

There, i've declared to the whole world that i have acne and issues dealing with it.
To others, it may seem insignificant.
But to me, and i have no idea why, it seemed like the world to me.
And i think in one way or another, it still is.

Went to a TCM at first for acne treatment.
The TCM was nice and everything, but the cleanser that she prescribed to me was unsuitable for my sensitive skin.
And actually removed the top layer of my skin.
My skin was really dry and i was peeling everywhere.
It was so horrible and embarrassing that i actually skipped sch for some days.

So i stopped after a mth or so.
And i got an appointment at NSC.
Waited for 10 days coz its the pre-CNY period now and loads of pple are visiting the dermatologists.

By right, i should have went to a dermatologists right away for my skin probs.
BUT! I didn't want to take antibiotics coz i knew of the side effects and it can only be a short-term cure.
I thought TCM would be able to help me, it turned out otherwise.
Or i simple went to the wrong one.

Eventually, i still decided to turn to a dermatologist.
Being a private patient and i saw the senior consultant, the consultation fee plus total medicines cost ard $170+.
Thats ALOT!
o.0

In the end, i was prescribed antibiotics ( Doxycycline HCL 100mg), Avene cleanser for sensitive skin and 2 topical creams to apply day and night.
I've only started today and i've researched online about the reviews of Doxycycline.

Dermatologists often prescribe this antibiotics first as its not THAT damaging, i think.
But it does make pple feel nausea as it kills both bad and good bacteria.
And i've read that it will make your skin super sensitive to sun.
So i'm planning to go buy sunblock soon.

I'm pretty scared of the initial purging though.
And i hope mine will not be TOO bad.
Hopefully this medicine will show its effect in about 1 mths time.
Read online that for some pple it only showed effects in 3 mths time and for some, it never did work.
Instead, they get yeast infections ( side-effect), vomit consistently etc.

My stomach did feel a bit queasy after i took them for the first time today.
But, it might be my imagination or smth coz i knew this side effect.
Nth serious or pain though.
Hopefully it will last this way.

Still, if it clears my skin, i do know that its only a short-term cure.
Coz, i dun intend to take this antibiotics for long, its not good for health and i know my body may become immune to it.
And my acne may become even worse after i'm off it.
Sigh.
The internet can be such a devil sometimes, i get all this info so easily and makes me afraid of even starting the treatment.
I'm skeptical towards the docs, and i think the dermatologist i visited yesterday can feel it too.

All i want, is for this acne to disappear.
And i know, its gonna be a long-term fight.
People with good skin, must treat it with care.
Because, it's only when you've lost it, then you'll know how precious smth is.
Don't ever take things for granted.

*Cross-fingers that its gonna cure my acne!*

xoxo
Zy