I never did have the courage to mention what happened during those days,
maybe because i was afraid of relieving those memories.
However, 1.5 years on, i believe i've came to terms with it.
Yes, i suffered from mild depression then. My mum even brought me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).
People who has never suffered from depression won't ever understand the experience.
That sense of dread and bleakness.
I remember those few months were passed in tears and blackness.
I felt like i was trapped, in a dark pit hole with no escape.
No matter how i think about stuff, i can't find a way out.
Maybe it was due to school - new environment in Uni, but mostly, it was due to my skin illness.
I contemplated suicide. And that's why my mum decided to bring me see a psychiatrist.
I called the suicide helpline and talked to the lady for hours - she was really helpful but i thought that was all there was to it.
Because when you have depression, you won't listen to others. You are trapped within your own mentality - a cold, dark and hopeless place.
Everyday, i wake up with the hope for falling asleep again.
I skipped school for 2 wks straight during the semester, because i couldn't find the motivation to go.
I didn't study for mid terms at all - explains my poor results then.
But as with all bad times, things will improve.
Now, i firmly believe that when one hits rock bottom, there's no where to go but up.
Which is what happened in my case.
The moral of the story is, have hope, have faith.
Cooperate with those that are trying to help.
Fight that mental bleakness. It's hard, words are cheap i know
But if even you yourself are not willing to fight, there's no way out of it.
I fought, i struggled. Eventually, you'll win.
It's hope that makes the world go round.
Hold on to that.
No comments:
Post a Comment