夜深，人静。

好奇妙。
深夜，总会让人沉思。

12.06am.
突然感触良多，不知何去何从。
也许在这一刻，阿妹的歌最能安抚我。

突然發現站了好久　不知道要往哪走 還不想回家的我　再多人陪只會更寂寞 許多話題關於我　就連我也有聽過 我的快樂要被認可　委屈卻沒有人訴說 夜把心　洋蔥般剝落 拿掉防衛剩下什麼 為什麼脆弱時候想你更多 如果你也聽說　有沒有想過我 像普通　舊朋友　還是你　依然會心疼我 好多好多的話想對你說　懸著一顆心沒著落 要怎麼負荷　捨不得又無可奈何 如果你也聽說　會不會相信我 對流言　會附和　還是你　知道我還是我 跌跌撞撞才明白了許多　懂我的人就你一個 想到你想起我　胸口依然溫熱 許多話題關於我　就連我也有聽過 我想我寧可都沉默　解釋反而顯得做作 夜把心　洋蔥般剝落 拿掉防衛剩下什麼 為什麼脆弱時候想你更多

12.09am

Officially 23.
Officially a graduate.
Officially unemployed.

No one ever told me that the 20s will be filled with so much confusion.
I always thought the teenage rebellious years would be the most confusing, little did I realise that would be nth compared to now.
Fresh out of college, I am at the most confusing point of my life yet.
I have no idea what I want to do, I have little confidence of what I am capable of, and suddenly I feel so lost in the big big world.

Life is a series of choices and decision making. But I feel i've never been hit with so much decision making in the past week.
Getting that job offer from NHB and then rejecting it - and it all took only 2 days with tons of advice sought.
Now, I have obtained an internship at a film production company, with little knowledge of what to expect and whether I am mentally prepared for it.

Its the uncertainties that are killing me and my confidence slowly and gradually....
Failure, I have deep fear of it. What ifs? The pessimism in me nags at me every single second - what if this is not what I want? What if it doesn't work out? What if I can't take it? What if I fail?

But, what if this is exactly what i want?
Clarity, that's what I need right now. Yet, I'm continuously swimming in the murky waters of the 20s.
There's so much I need to learn - FIND A CAREER, get a permanent full time job, learn about financial planning, get a BF and get married, start a family blah blah.
This is how life is supposed to be, isn't it?
And I almost seem late to the game, late in the race. I'm still an immature child who can't take hardships.

I have been self-reflecting a lot these past few days.
What do I really want? That ans still eludes me, but I do know I won't get the ans just by thinking or sitting on my butt.
It's only through doing that I will know.
So what if I fail? I can always start over again, it is never too late.

Have faith in yourself. Believe. You can do it, Zhongyun, you can and you will.