Merry Merry Xmas, Lonely Lonely Xmas

Christmas used to be one of my fav festive seasons, simply because everyone's in festive mood.
But, I think the most memorable Christmas I'll rmb, will be this year's.
落单的恋人最怕过节。。。
My 2017 Xmas materialised this sentence haha

I've stopped crying, that's something good.
But the constant rehashing of our last convo and trying to make sense of the whole rs...
What I did wrong, what can be done better, is making me lose sleep.
Although I've been keeping myself busy by going out, and have even stopped talking about him (simply because I got tired of repeating the story)
I feel like I've moved on, but some part of me still feels there lacks a proper closure.
I guess I'll need more time.

2017 has been drama-filled.
From the dating app guys, Youliang, Good Guy, GBB to eventually Mr Blue.
And in between, the drama of losing my job and getting a new job.
It has only been 12 months, but 1 year does make a lot of difference.
For one, I've become more guarded and less bubbly.
Somedays, I miss the old me. Other days, I feel I was too sheltered in the past and I am way stronger now.

My first rs was a failure, and it only lasted 4 months.
But I've known him for almost a year, it seems apt that we drew a close in Dec, since I met him in Jan this year.
Mr Blue has been a large part of my 2017, and even though we ended on a bad note, I believe one day I'll look back and thank him.
But for now, I'll probably skip South Korea for hol in the near future and try not to think about our memories in the places we've been to in SG.

I think I loved the fantasy of who he was in the start... but that was not who he is, as the days went by, it became clearer.
Not gonna draw the victim card here, I made a lot of mistakes as well in this rs.
The biggest was to compare him to other guys, which partner could accept that?
It was a mistake, which ended in heartbreaks.

I will learn, and be clearer on what I seek in my future bf, so that I wouldn't hurt another person again by learning to love him for who he is.

But for now, let time heal the pieces.

For 2018, all I wish is for a stronger heart to be able to withstand the harshness of growing up and life.

Merry Christmas.