Last day'09.

On the last day of 2009, i thought i should dedicate a post of my 17th year on Earth.
If there's one word that can be used to sum up this year, it would be 'CHANGE'.
There were so many changes in 2009 that i could barely catch up to them.

I got myself immersed in a new surrounding, met and knew new people, established a different relationship with my old friends, learnt the pain of letting go etc.
The list could go on forever.
And what i think that changed the most, was my view of things.
I think i've gained a new insight of life and myself.
But, it's just the beginning.
I'm still a long way away from finding myself.

And so, to sum it up all together.
2009 was a year of new experiences, no matter good or bad.
For the new year ahead, my main aim and focus would of course be the A levels.
I want to clear my mind of all other things and just momentarily concentrate on the exam that i've been working hard for for 10 years.
I want to make myself proud, to live with no regrets.

I want, to believe in myself.
I know, i can do it.
Jiayou!
:)

So broke. T.T

I'm soooooo broke now, it's pathetic.
Spent way too much this 2 days.
Gosh! I can't believe i spent so much man.
Aurgh!

So, went 4/5 class BBQ yesterday afternoon.
Slacked ard and met up with classmates but i didn't eat anything.
Went off at about 7pm++ and took bus to JP.
I dun really like JP now coz it's sooooo big and crowded as if half of singapore's population is there.
=x
Ok, i've exaggerated things abit. BUT, there's still way too many people there for my liking.
Ate at the newly renovated Kopitiam, tried this steam boat thingy which is pretty worth it!!

Then, val, pam, jesso and me caught SHERLOCK HOLMES!!!
OMG, it's freaking nice!!! Everyone should watch it man!!!
:)



Trailer for Sherlock Holmes.
Isn't Robert Downey Jr. hot???
HAHAHA

After the movie, we ran for the last bus and went jessica's house for a sleepover!!!
Played truth or dare for 1 hour ++ before we really couldn't take it and slept.
Shared bed with val, damn cramped. And it was a water bed! First time slping on a waterbed. LOL!

Went Kallang today with our original intentions to ice-skate.
But the ice-skating rink was too crowded for our liking,
so we ate at 'Japan village', it was not bad.

Went SAFRA kbox with val and pam after.
FUN!!! But it was soooooooo expensive!
When the bill came, all 3 of us were shocked.
HAHAHA
Was super angry just now, mostly with myself i think, for spending so much.
Planned to bring Bentos out from now on.
I'm not going to spend unnecessarily from today onwards.
Esp when i have no money as well.
T.T

Ok, going to Hilda's house tmr to do hist. proj!!
I want to finish it tmr!
Goodnight.
:)

Ben Underwood.

One thing that I truly get back from Ben being blind is that he truly sees people from within. When he hears someone say that someone else is ugly, or anything negative towards someone else. He says, "That's whats wrong with sighted people, you all look at one another and judge what you look like," I see that statement being so true. The most powerful part of it is that he can't judge from looks, only from spirit. This world would be a much better place if we all couldn't see.

- Aquanetta (Ben's Mom)

Just read up on Ben Underwood, the extraodinary boy who can see without his eyes.
He is able to use a form of Human echolocation which enables him to see.
I find the above quote from his mum so true.
For us, we judge people with our eyes.
We judge people by how beautiful they are from the outside, instead of their inner beauty, their soul.

I really admire Ben for being such a strong boy and never letting his disability get into the way of leading a normal life.
Perhaps he had lost his sight at a young age, but i feel, he had gained other valuable stuff in life too.
As the Chinese quote goes: ' 有得必有失，有失必有得.'

Ben was born in the same year as me, 1992.
That would have made him 17 years old this year too.
However, he passed away on Jan 19'09, 1 week before his 17th birthday.
I feel saddened by this news when i chanced upon him, he was such an extraodinary boy and he deserved to live.
But at least, he made his story known and inspired millions of people worldwide.
RIP Ben.
You're an inspiration to all humans living, to see a persons spirit, instead of judging them by their looks. :)

Ben Underwood, extraodinary boy.

Post A-levels plan 1!

Ok, so today me and hilda went back to NJC to pay for our trip.
And we've came up with our post A-levels plan.
Hee.

After A levels, we are going to work super, SUPER hard for 5 months.
From Jan-May, non-stop.
And even if the pay is super low, like maybe $5 per hr.
One day we'll be working for 8 hrs, each week 5 days and that adds up to 20 days/mth.
So one mth pay will be $800, 5 mths will be $4000!!
o.O

And with our hard-earned money, we will be going on a 8 days korea trip!!!!
WEEEEEEEEEE!!~~~~
:)
That will be in June 2011.
And that's one and a half yrs away.
T.T

Nevermind, it's good to think far and plan for the future.
5 mths for that 8 days, sounds pretty stingy but i guess, that's how life works.
And if we can get a job together at the same place, working might be fun???
Who knows?

This plan is still tentative, who knows what might change in the next one and a half yrs.
Maybe i'm still suffering from my post korea craze.
HAHAHA

Maybe, i may go back to shanghai for at least 3 mths afterall.
That was my original plan, but for now, i think this plan sounds nicer.
Because i don't have to spend my dad's money.

Okok, so let's assume i have a plan in place.
Now all i need is to get A levels over and done with.
Sounds easy, so why do i have this feeling it's gonna be a hell of a ride?
T.T

For Seoul, i'm gonna achieve good results and work hard.
Let's go!!!!!!
Gambatte!!!
:)


<3 Seoul.

I'm Back!!!!

Peek-A-Boo!!!!!

I'm Back!!!!
And i miss korea!!!!!!!!!!!!! T.T
I love seoul sooooooooooooooooooo much!!
Saranghe seoul! <3

Need some time to resume my life.
Having post-overseas withdrawal symptoms now.
:(

For the past 11 days, there was nth except eat, shop, sleep and playing cards.
HAHAHAHA
We even forgot the date and day it was.
Korea was freezing cold, the coldest morning was when we were at mt. sorak, it was freaking -15 degree celsius.
o.0
That explains the pic above where every inch of us were wrapped up.
LOL!

Vietnam was ok, i've never seen sooooooooooooo many motorcycles on the streets in my 17 yrs of life.
I miss my hanoi buddy, chi too.



Don't feel like writing much about the trip.
My sadness and misses grows by the min as i flip through the photos.
I miss you, seoul!!!!!!!!!!

change.

Everybody changes, it's just a matter of time.
Afterall, 世界上唯一不变的东西就是变。

Busy packing. Went IMM with Hilda today to buy last min stuffs for the trip.
And i saw quite a few pple i know at IMM.
Didn't say Hi to any of them,
=x
I realised i dun like to see pple i know outside of sch/planned to go out.
Die, i think i'm becoming more and more zi bi.
T.T

Flying on tues, 4.05pm.
Our trip is damn weird, we are only paying AFTER our trip.
HAHAHA
and its not a small sum afterall, $2100.
God knows why.
My dad say is coz the travel agency trusts us.
Afterall, where can NJC run to?
They can always just come to our sch to find us.

No idea why, but i'm not like super excited nor dying to go on this trip as it nears.
Just hope this trip will be fun and no accidents/illness etc!
This is most probably my last post before i fly.
Coming back on 19th Dec, 13.25pm!
Till then!
:)

Actually, all i've always wanted in life was to be happy.
You know the kind of happiness that sets your heart pumping,
that makes you LOL suddenly and smile uncontrollably on the bus,
that makes you think that just for a moment, life is wonderful
and the kind of happiness that leaves you yearning for more.
But the fact is, my only aim in life is harder to achieve than anything else in the world.
Happiness. All i've ever wanted.

Cinderella Complex.

Cinderella Complex




For our promos GP comprehension, passage A was an extract of ' The Cinderella Complex' by Colette Dowling.
When i first read it through during the exam, the only thing in my brain were ??????
So, i calmed myself down and read it through again.
And suddenly, i'm enlightened, the lightbulb- appeared- on- top- of- my- head type.
I scored better than i expected for my GP paper 2.

Basically, the whole idea behind 'The Cinderella Complex' is the fact that woman in modern society are born with the instinct/idea that they are going to be 'saved' one day, by a 'prince charming' whom will come along and swept them off their feet and bring them to a magical castle and live happily ever after... something like that.
Women are afraid to be independent.
They are afraid that they will be unloved when they become too independent.
And so women wait, for love, for their prince charming.

I find it so true!
And my meaning of enlightment during the exam was not by the fact that i finally understood the passage,
instead, it was that i found it perfect for describing modern women.

Honestly, this 'cinderella sydrome' can't be helped.
Not every women are born strong and able to survive in life independently.
Not being stereotypical, but generally, i think women are the more dependent sex.
But, i have seen women who are SUPER independent.

And, our drama shows are not helping much either.
Just think, how many of those korean drama shows falls along the line of:
Rich guy(Prince charming) falls in love with a Humble/Sweet/Beautiful girl(Cinderella) , but their love is hindered by parents/social background/third party(wicked stepsisters/mother/prince) more often than not and they conquer everything to live happily ever after or they die together, like romeo and juliet.
With the tagline: Love is everything.

With so many modern 'cinderella' stories, it's hard for girls not to fall under 'The Cinderella Complex' har?
But, sometimes i think there must be a line drawn between reality and fantasy.
That's when the cynical me comes out.
I hope for true love but i don't really believe in the power of love.
They say love conquers everything, i hope so too, but i don't believe so.
Once, someone asked me to choose between love or bread, i chose bread.
Simply because just love alone can't keep you alive.
And what else is more impt in life than your own life?
See the part where i say the very, VERY realistic me comes out?

Ok, i'm rambling on with no destination.
I just found it interesting, this 'cinderella complex' thing.

Was quite busy this wk.
Not with work but with my preparation for OEP nxt wk.
I've already started packing!
Which is pretty early, but i need to start or else i won't know what i still lack.

Digged out all my sweaters/long johns.
Had such a hard time handwashing them, this is the bad thing with having a maid.
You become dependent and won't do housework.
Like me.
:(

Ok, enough said. Shall go back to slogging-my-ass-off washing sweaters!
Where every cinderella story come true.
;)

Ipod + family <3!

Spent the whole afternoon sorting through my ipod.
Now, my eyes feel like this: o.0
HAHAHA

But, it was all worth it!!!
Now, every single song have album art and some of my favourites have lyrics!!!
I LOVE doing the cover flow!
It's so so sooooo colourful!
LOLOLOLOL!

My home is sooooo quiet now.
Mummy, Daddy and Bro flew this afternoon to Bali.
Normally, i would have love this peace and quiet.
Not saying i'm totally not, but somehow, i miss my family.
T.T

Though my bro and i often quarrel,
and he kept insisting that he hates me. =.=
Somehow, deep down, i can no longer imagine a life without him.
No matter the good or bad.
Sounds so mushy, but true.

Some time ago, i forgot when, Hilda asked me is family more impt to me or friends?
If you asked the old me then, i would say friends.
Terrible but true. =x
But at that moment, i said family without much hesitation.
Friends are still impt to me too, but i've realised that there's only so much friends can do.
Unlike family, who will be there with you always.

What's real pathetic, is that people now do not really cherish their family much.
And the reason is simple, they take their family too much for granted.
It's easy to take family for granted, me too.
Or else, i won't request and expect so much from my parents and yet, does nth much in return.

But, i really love my family alot.
And i'm glad i've realised how impt they are to me so early in my life.
Esp my dad, who is always there for me and who've sacrificed much for me.

When i was in sec.2, my dad was offered a GREAT job opportunity.
But, it was an overseas job and both my mum and bro had no probs immigrating with him.
The only problem was me due to my studies.
I told my dad i can go to stay in a hostel or something coz it was too good an opportunity to miss.
However, he still decided to reject it and stay behind.
T.T i was very very touched.

HAHAHA
So, i've decided to study hard and reciprocate his care by taking care of him and mum in the future.
Speaking of which, i really need to stop procrastinating on my hol. hw.
As much as i dun want to do.
:(

Life doesn't always deal you the best cards.

Places i want to visit.

Places i want to visit ( Before i die >.<)

First of all.... SouthEast Asia!!

1) Hanoi, Vietnam.






Isn't it beautiful??!! Ho chi Minh Mausoleum and so many other places.
I'm getting all excited for my OEP!!
:)

2) Seoul, South Korea





Jajangmyeon!!!! Everybody who knows me knew i had a period where i was CRAZY over jajangmyeon. HAHAHA
Can't believe i'm going S.korea in about 12 days time.
Countdown, Countdown!!
I can't wait!!!!

3) Tokyo, Japan

Beautiful Sakura!!
Now, here's a story:
Originally, our OEP trip was planning for Japan.
But due to SOMEONE, *ahem ahem*, the location was changed to S.korea.
Not complaining, of course.
but, i would LOVE to go to Japan.
Someday, someday.
LOL!!

Disneyland!!!!! ;)
I've never been to disneyland before.
And i MUST go once at least!!!!

Next, I want to go on a whirlwind EUROPE tour!!!

1) Berlin, Germany.

Germany, the country where i've heard soooo many times before during hist. lectures.
The country that i use soooo many times in my hist. essays.
The country that is RICH in history!!!!
I want to visit Berlin!!!
See the Brandenburg gate, what's left of the Berlin wall etc.

2) Prague, Czechoslovakia


Well, there's pretty much no reason for it.
Just because i find the architectures so Beautiful!!!
:)

3) Paris, France


Well, well. How can anyone resist the romantic temptation of Paris??
Museums, Effiel tower.

The notre- dame cathedral.
Such a stunning city!!!
I dream, of sitting at a roadside cafe opposite the effiel tower one early morning.
Just sipping tea and watching life pass me by.
:)


4) London


London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down...
Speaking of which, the art people are going both London and Paris.
They are flying on the 9th, one day after us.
Envious, but i know one day i'll have the chance too.

5) Greece


Santorini!
would love to see the aegean sea and this beautiful island myself!
Truth to be told, my interest in Greece grew due to the taiwan drama:' Love at the Aegean sea'
HAHAHA


6) Rome

Simply because of the breathe-taking historical monuments!!!
^^
7) Venice, Italy


Venice, the city of water.
It was once my top must go country and now, i still consider it as one.
I want to ride the gondolas and visit it before it sinks. (hopefully it doesn't happen)
>.<

And last but not least, RUSSIA!
1) Moscow

The state that i would most like to visit in Russia.
Lenin monument, the Kremlin etc.
Historical venues, i want to visit them and not restrict them to only history notes.

If i can plan an overseas humans trip, it will go like this:
S'pore -> Hanoi -> S.korea -> Moscow -> Germany -> Washington D.C -> Japan -> S'pore
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
That is, cost-considerations are not taken into account.
=p

Wake up!!!

Wake up, zhongyun, why don't you??
You want the best of both worlds.
Well, let me tell you, that's impossible!
There is a price to pay for everything, it's better to learn this lesson sooner than later.

Everyone's moving on, so why don't you do the same too?
Change your attitude and accept the fact that things are no longer the way it was in the past.
Accept your status now and the fact that we are still normal friends.
This is enough, be contented.



WHY DON'T YOU????


As much as i don't want to admit nor like it,
I think you might be right, afterall.

I thought i could fly...

- x

Sunday, 22/11/09
Went to East Coast Park with Mama.
It was such a loooooong journey, and the 2 of us did not even know how to go in the first place.
=x
Had such a loooong talk with her.
4 hrs, with nothing but bared hearts, calm sea and blue sky.

<3 the sky.
Somehow, the vast blue sky above me always seem to give me hope.
Perhaps its because the sky is never-ending, possibilities stretch on.

I thought i could fly,
so why did i drown?

Unhealthy.

I think being stuck at home all day really makes you lazy and unhealthy, man.
I don't feel like going out at all this few days.
This is bad, VERY BAD.

T.T

Dilemma, much??

Heal the world.

The world will become such a better place,
If only we, humans, are willing to make the effort.
Give a little bit more love,
Give a little bit more care,
Give a little bit more compassion,
Be a little bit more understanding,
Be a little bit more compromising,
Be a little less selfish.

What has society forced us to become?
How much stress can a person take?

Food for thought:

Is human actions the cause for the current stressful society or is it a result of the current stressful society?


P.S RIP Daul Kim.

LOL!

OMG, i'm reading this NJ senior's blog and its freaking funny.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
It's been a looooong time since i've laughed at someone's blog entries.
No wonder his readers increase day by day.


I feel like such a stalker. =/

Believe.

As we grow older, it becomes difficult to just believe. It’s not that we don’t want to, but too much has happened and we can’t.

- Now and Then.

It's sad, when life don't turn out the way you want it to.
Sometimes, you tried to make things work.
You changed, compromised and learned from your past mistakes.
You believed that this time, things will be different.
But, you forgot the most important thing.
A scarred heart can never be healed.
And in the end, you are trapped, between what could have been and what would never be.

MV!!

Had an awesome day today (Yesterday coz its 12.40 am now??) !!
HAHAHA
Our mv was quite a success?
Stayed at Li er's house all the way till 9.30pm before we went hougang mall for late dinner.
It was the first time i went hougang which is freaking far away from my house.
The trip to and fro is like 3hrs in total. =.=

But her house was SUPER nice.
Like the nicest house i've seen from all my friends house that i've went to.
Our mv making process was tiring but fun,
I want sleepover at her house soon!!!!
Her couch shall be mine!!! MUAHAHAHA!
Hopefully, it's possible.

I hope tmrs' outing will be a success too,
and jaq will like our present.
HAHAHA
Ok, meeting them early tmr to settle everything in the last min.
Shall go sleep now.
:)

TATA!

Happy Birthday!!!!!

I find it so cool that 2 of my good friends that i often hang out with are born on the same day.
HAHAHAHAHA

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HILDA AND BOK!!!!!!!
:)


I'm sooooooo happy that they are officially the same age as me.
LOL!!!

Meeting Hilda and the rest later to film the video.
I hope its a success and its gonna be soooooo fun!!!!!
:)

My Sister's Keeper.

"You dont love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not"
— Jodi Picoult (My Sister's Keeper)

Teared. T.T
But why, why? WHY must they change the ending??
I think the ending in the book would have been more meaningful.
Overall, the movie was still super touching.
:)


I really really hope it snows in S.korea.

Happyness.

Falling down.

Thought i should do a proper update on my first wk of holidays aka freedom after pw.

Tues - 10th Nov

Went back sch in the afternoon to help chunjing and jacy's grp with their op.
Afterall, theirs were not over yet.
And because of that, i was late for gz for 1.5 hrs.
=.=
HAHA
When i eventually made it for gz, there was only 1/2 hr left before cca ends.
So i didn't bother carrying and setting up baBOOM.

Wed- 11th Nov

Met Hilda and xiao qian for lunch before we headed for hilda's house.
Yulin and her bro came too.
We had a secret project on hand and that was....
A farewell scrapbk for Jaq aka Xiao cai.
Bought rose paper but me and hilda didn't know how to fold it, disastrous!!
LOL!
And we are planning to do a video for her too.
On Mon. OMG, i'm sooooo excited to do the video.
It's gonna be soooooooooooo fun.
:)

But, i really dun want this farewell.
I'm gonna miss jaq, i really will. T.T

Thurs - 12th nov.

Met Hilda for lunch.
Our original meeting time was 12noon but eventually, we only saw each other at 12.30pm.
Reason being, i got lost. =x
Hilda tried looking for me but it only made matters worst, HAHA.
So both of us kept calling and walking and i FINALLY saw her.
Ate lunch before we headed back to sch for OEP briefing.

One thing's confirmed: The 3 of us- bok, hilda and me are sharing a room.
And coz we need to perform smth during the vietnam exchange programme,
the humans scholars came up with this fashion show and me & bok are the emcees.
OMG, seriously, i can't imagine myself as the emcee.
=/

Fri- 13th Nov.

Reached sch SUPER early in the morning for breakfast with chunjing and jacy.
Brought so many food but in the end, the 3 of us couldn't even finish half of them.
HAHAHA

Went for SH1 sch tour briefing afterwhich.
Can't believe we actually have a script to follow.
But, i seriously think the way Bok actually portrayed our sch was more interesting. ;)

Met Hilda in the evening and off we went on our LOOOOOOONG journey to Changi Airport.
Ate dinner at T3s' kopitiam and i can't believe Hilda only brought $3 to eat at the airport.
=.=
She ordered this ' sha zi mian' and it was sooooo spicy that we exchanged our food and i had to finish it for her.

Then we went to Macdonalds' to wait for Bok who just sent her mum off.
Drank milk shake and we did our emcee script.
Bok's dad came to pick us up soon after.

Ok, i'm super tired now. Shall go sleep. HAHA.
Anw, i realised my schedule is pretty packed before my OEP trip.
And after, i'm super free. Think gonna spend most of the time after on studying.
I really need to stop procrastinating and start on my holiday hw.

Somehow, in one way or another, things are not really going on well in my life.
I feel that you dun really like me as much as a friend anymore.
And i'm pretty worried.
On another totally different issue, i think i need to be strong enough to make a decision asap and stick with it.
To move on or to move on with you in my life?

EXHILARATING!

PW IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I will never, EVER have to touch this horrible subject again.
And you cannot imagine how happy i was when the examiners announced ' You may go now.'
HEE.


:)

Next, have OEP briefing on thurs.
I seriously can't wait for the trip.
WOOHOO!!!
Life's good. ^^

爱。

~x

开始的开始总是甜蜜的
后来就有了厌倦、习惯、背弃、寂寞、绝望和冷笑
曾经渴望与一个人长相厮守，后来，多么庆幸自己离开了
曾几何时，在一段短暂的时光里，
我们以为自己深深的爱着的一个人。
后来，我们才知道
那不是爱，那只是对自己说谎。


~x

爱情总是想象比现实美丽，
相逢如是，告别亦如是。
我们以为爱得很深、很深，
来日岁月，会让你知道，它不过很浅、很浅。
最深最重的爱，必须和时日一起成长。


~x

时间会让你了解爱情，时间能够证明爱情，也能够把爱推翻。
没有一种悲伤是不能被时间减轻的。
如果时间不可以令你忘记那些不该记住的人，我们失去的岁月又有什么意义？
如果所有的悲哀、痛苦、失败都是假的，那该多好？
可惜，世上有很多假情假义，自己的痛苦、失败、悲哀，却偏偏总是真的。


~x

他纵有千个优点，但他不爱你，
这是一个你永远无法说服自己去接受的缺点。
一个人最大的缺点不是自私、多情、野蛮、任性，而是偏执地爱一个不爱自己的人。
暗恋是一种自毁，是一种伟大的牺牲。
暗恋，甚至不需要对象，我们不过站在河边，
看着自己的倒影自怜，却以为自己正爱着别人。


~x

爱情和情歌一样，最高境界是余音袅袅。
最凄美的不是报仇雪恨，而是遗憾。
最好的爱情，必然有遗憾。那遗憾化作余音袅袅，长留心上。
最凄美的爱，不必呼天抢地，只是相顾无言。
失望，有时候，也是一种幸福。
因为有所期待，才会失望。
遗憾，也是一种幸福。因为还有令你遗憾的事情。
追寻爱情，然后发现，爱，从来就是一件千回百转的事。


~x

最浪漫的爱是得不到的。
最浪漫的情话，是当哪个已经跟你分了手的人打电话来问：“你好吗？”
你稀松平常地回答：“我很好。”
而其实你还爱着他，你一点也不好。
男人伪装坚强，只是害怕被女人发现他软弱。
女人伪装幸福，只是害怕被男人发现她伤心。

After the storm.

- x

I believe, in the rainbow after the storm.

I'm scared.

It's like i'm trapped, caught in this whirlwind with no place to escape.

How??

I want to not care and just give up,
but the perfectionist in me won't let me.

It's infuriating.
I have no idea how i'm gonna survive through this and yet, i know i will.

What an irony huh,

LIFE IS ONE BIG CONTRADICTIVE IRONY.

PEE Doubleu.

I HATE PW!!!!! To the max, TO THE MAX!!!!!!

It's like how much i hate chem, only 1000 times worst.
How much i hate GP, only 100 times worst.
How much i dislike econs, only 100000 times worst.
And my hatred for PW is equivalent to my LOVE for history.

See how much i HATE pw???


ok, Sorry, i have to rant a little.

Off to do PW at sch, BLEH!

Jenny.

Watched 'Jenny' with Hilda at Plaza Sing after sch today.
Expected it to be at least M-18, but it was NC-16.
:)

It was very sick and gory.
HAHAHA
Half-way through the movie, Hilda actually blamed ME for watching this movie!
Humph.

Met Poh Hui there, so coincidental!!!
So, we ate dinner together at this restaurant around Dhouby Ghaut Mrt.
There was FREE FLOW of drinks and ice-cream!!!
o.0

Ate soooooo much, think i've gained at least 1kg.
T.T

I dunno what to say nor how to feel,
Its sad when life doesn't go your way.
Its sad to have to watch you sad, to have to know there might be a chance i won't see you again.
I'm gonna miss you, i will.
But, please be strong, i have the faith in you.

“I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing.”
- Neil Gaiman

Wish.

Pls, grant me this wish.

Past, Present and Future.

Today was such a nerve-wrecking day.
Had pw op dry-run right before we received back our promo results in the afternoon.
We were late and hence ran all the way from TC block to LT1.

I didn't even have a chance to catch my breathe before i received back my Gp paper.
Well, my results were not bad and some were totally surprising.
One good news: I'm promoted!!!! :)
Hopefully, with my 4h2s as well.

After receiving back our results, went IKEA with Hilda and Bok.
We went to eat MEATBALLS.
LOL!
It was my FIRST meal of the day!
Can you believe it??
I only had one meal and that's dinner.
I bet if this continues, i'll get thinner.
Omg, that rhymes!!!! * Beams* HAHAHA!!

Anyway, besides my results and the fun IKEA trip, i have other good news!
I'm going for the humanities OEP!!!
What's better, Bok and Hilda are going too!!!!!!
WOOHOO~~~~~
:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

8-18 or 19th Dec.
Hanoi and S.korea,
I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!

Originally, i wasn't that sure if i'm going.
I've decided that if i fail my history and if my promo results was not good, i wouldn't go.
But now, i have no reasons not to!

The cost of the trip was cut down to $2000 and my promo results was not bad.
:)
All the more i should go, as a reward perhaps??
Anw, my father is more than willing after he saw my promo results.
And i'm more than happy.
:)

Now, i just need 2 more wks before my happiness completes.
I can't wait for PW to be officially over!

2 more wks to 9th Nov.
5 more wks to OEP!

:)

The most tragic thing of all.

I think i'm slowly becoming the type of people i hate the most.

If you asked the old me then, i would have told you i hate people who are EXTREMELY result conscious.
It's like, their whole world revolves around getting an A.
Their only aim after being born into this world is getting that A.

I'm not saying they shouldn't aim for that A.
Yes, you should aim high in life.
However, when your whole world revolves around it,
you've exceeded the sign that shouts : ' DANGEROUS!!!'

You see, i think i'm becoming more and more of a perfectionist day by day.
I can't stand things not done in my way
or rather, i can't stand myself if i don't do things perfectly.
And i think, this is so irritating and tiring.
Now i know what miserable lives perfectionists live.

Being a perfectionist, i expect the best out of everything.
And obviously, results is included in the whole package as well.
So, i'm expecting more from my results day by day.

And now, expecting an A is ok.
But what i hate most about those result conscious people is how narrow-minded they are.
They don't care about others' feelings, they don't care about their surroundings, all they care about is that stupid grade on their exam scripts.
And by narrow-minded, i mean inconsiderate as well.

When they don't obtain an A/B, they whine and complain as if its the end of the world.
They can't and won't accept failures.
Look around them please, how many others have obtained worst grades than them?
Please, i'm not saying they can't be displeased by their result.
But do it quietly, be more considerate.

Another thing, due to their result conscious nature,
they hardly play around, the only conversation that you can make with them is about results.
It's so stressful to hang out with them.

So, i really don't want to become this type of people.
Goodness, no. =/

Receiving back promos results on wed.
My feelings now?
Like bubble tea.
Mixed and blended in a whirl.
The only difference?
I can't figure out what's the end product.

what's wrong? Everything.

What a big mess my life is in right now.
I seem to be treating everyone around me badly recently.
And people seem to be miles away from me, even if they are standing nxt to me.
Especially today.

GOSH.
:(

I just wish all this can go away asap.

Pls, grant me the vision, to look beyond all this imperfections.

Breakfast! <3

I made my own breakfast today!!!
Haha.
Scrambled eggs with ham, croissant and apple.
Something like the picture above.
This shows that i can cook!!!
And most importantly, it was NICE.
:)

Next goal, cook breakfast for my whole family.
Must perfect my scrambled eggs skill first, LOL!

Anyway, received the itinery for the OEP,
Must confirm by this wed, yet, i'm still not sure if i wanna go.
Dad seems to have other plans, maybe going on a short trip overseas with family.
Hmm.
Think receiving back most of my promo papers this wk.
Bless me, hope that i won't have a heart-attack.
LOL!

xoxo
zy

And so...

One subject down, 4 more to go.

Yesterday, shuqin asked me this qs: ' if you really get retained, will you choose to stay in the sch or go poly?'
I thought of this qs before, but it was never seriously considered.
Or rather, even when i say i'm gonna get retained, it was only a half-hearted statement.
Something which i didn't really believe will happen.

Smth happened in class yesterday, that made me realise how close this threat is to anyone.
And when she asked me this qs, i didn't know what was my ans.
Dilemma.
There are pros and cons for both choices.

Poly:
Pros

1. Get out of this dreadful sch.
2. Learn something i'm interested in?
3. Should be less demanding than JC.

Cons

1. Wasted one year in JC with 3 more yrs to go in poly.
2. After those 3 yrs, does not necessarily guarantee university education.
3. I'm not exactly sure which course/career path i'm gonna continue.

JC:
Pros

1. Guaranteed university admission if i choose to stay.

Cons

1. One more year in hell and learning the exact same things again.
2. Peer-pressure. New friends and all my close friends in J2. :(
3. Wasted one whole yr.
4. Being looked-down upon.

Pros and Cons.
SIGH.
Honestly, i think retaining is tougher for girls than guys.
Not being stereotypical, but girls are naturally the more emotional sex right?

Shall not think about this first.
I need to pass 2 more subs, i think.
Damn scared for GP, CHEM and HIST.

At least i don't have to worry for maths any longer - B.
:)

Then again, maths was the least of my worries from the beginning.

Movies.

Watched this CUTE movie yesterday.
It was so funny and nice!!!!!
Especially when the baby brent popped out of the chicken.
OMG!
I wish for an ice-cream shower too!!!
RECOMMENDED! :)


Watched sorority row today after sch.
Hmm...
I think overall the movie achieved its purpose as a suspense thriller.
But the storyline had a quite a few obvious loopholes.
Preferred cloudy to this.
HAHA.
But it was still nice, worth the ticket money.

GOSH.
I've been spending way too much money on movies lately.
NEED to cut down.
And yet, i still wanna watch 'my sister's keeper' and 'jennifer's body'.
SIGH.

Oh ya,
the humanities trip been confirmed.
8th-18th dec. Hanoi and korea.
Cost is about 2.3k.
Still not sure if my dad allows me to go.
Especially with my upcoming-reveal-of-terrible-promo results.
We'll see about it then.

:)

其实，道歉并没有用。
失去的东西失去了，
伤害了还是伤害。
道歉并不能让时间倒转，
也不能让发生的事情过去。

- 下一站，幸福。

Misses.

I miss dancing.
I miss the aches that shudders me even days after practice.
I miss laughters that topple-me-over.
I miss that heart-felt smile.

I miss the SYF days.
I miss the hectic-till-can't-breath days.
I miss the encouragements.
I miss the motivations.
I miss the bond, that feeling of together-ness.

I miss music lessons.
I miss all my piano teachers.
I miss the practice-till-my-finger-cries feeling.
I miss that one hour of escape, one that brings me away from reality.
Its just me and the music.

I miss my memories,
I miss my past.
& I miss you.


I bet you don't know.



We were meant to say goodbye, right from the start.

Figuring out.

Had OP workshop presentation today.
I hate public speaking man, freaks me out, totally.
I survived through it, shockingly, i even managed to answer the Q&A session without stammering too much.
HAHA

Am having a splitting headache now.
This few days, i dun feel like i'm me, it feels so weird.
I guess, everyone have one of these days har.
Hopefully, i'll get over it soon.

& it feels surreal, honestly, i didn't understand.
But i guess at the end, it didn't make any difference.
what's gone is already gone, you can't get them back.
And all that's left, are memories, which you can never win over.

The worst thing is holding on to someone who doesn't want to be held on to.

Happenings.

Watched ' The Time Traveler's Wife' on wed, 07102009.
That was the first time i went cathay.
HAHA.
The movie was not bad, it was rather confusing at first as i didn't read the book.
But you get the hang of the movie and the time travelling after awhile.
Warning though: The ending was super sad.
I watched it with hilda, jacq, yulin, li er, xiao qian and sabrina, most of us teared.
T.T

Today was game fest in sch from 8am- 12noon.
I didn't participate in any of the games, instead, i was holding the poms poms and cheering for the teams.
After awhile, it got bored.
HAHA
Spent the rest of the time playing tap tap on boks' iphone.
Vigorous!!!
LOL!

Was pleasantly surprised when IGNIS came out as 1st.
HAHAHA!
But, i guess everyone was happy.
:)

xoxo
zy

That perrrrrr-fect gown.

Why, won't you look at that BREATHE-TAKING gown??
OMG.
I was at hilda's house today when she showed me that gown.
I gasped.
Honestly, that was how perfect it was.

Just look at the hem of the skirt,
lightly dipped in pink.
The colour contrast between white purity and pink sweetness is just fantastic.
I was telling hilda, how much i would LOVE to get married in that gown.
SIGH.

I bet, even cinderella will be jealous.

WooHoo~~~~

Liberalised! :)
HAHAHA.

Today was quite a disaster.
Chem, there's nth much to say about it.
As for hist, it was rather funny.
Before the exam, all the art students + me were panicking like hell.
Almost to the state of hyperventilating.
Well, that's what a hist paper does to you.
LOL!

And after the paper, the first thing i said to bok was: ' If i retain, will you retain with me?'
OMG, the both of us burst out laughing man.
It was not the sentence that was funny, rather, it was the context when i said it.
HAHAHA.

Papers aside, i'm really happy promos is FINALLY over.
It seriously felt like eternity.
Ok, i'm gonna hibernate, like seriously.
It was super tiring and i felt so dead today.

Feel like borrowing a good book and having a good read.
This is the life, man.
:)

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Anticipation.

Honestly, i've wanted to stay as' on hiatus' all the way till promos is officially over.
But, i can't control myself.
HAHAHA.

Nxt wk mon, is gonna be my worst nightmare ever.
Gonna mug like crazy during the weekends.
Hopefully, i can do it!!!
It's for my own good, i must MUST control my excitement and anticipation.

3 MORE DAYS TILL END OF PROMOS!!!!! 2 MORE SUBJECTS!!!
WOOHOO!!! :)))))

Goodbye and Hello.

A lot of things happened and the scariest of all are humans.
The things that humans can do, its frightening.
Honestly, i don't understand why there are hypocrites and backstabbers in this world.
A world without them would be much peaceful won't it?
But i guess, everything in life needs a balance.

For e.g, no one would ever put a limit on happiness achieved right?
However, what's truly ironic is the only way to attain happiness is to put a lid on happiness itself.
Sometimes, you need to experience the bitterness in life before you can fully appreciate happiness.
Ever thought of things this way??

And its finally reached the last lap.
I am super freaking scared.
But what's gonna come will come.
And all i can do is to do my best, work hard and not let myself down.

At least if things turn out for the worst,
I have the reassurance that i did my best, no regrets.

Can I??



OMG!! Received VERY exciting news during hist consultation today.
Miss oon said there was this yr end hist overseas trip to both VIETNAM and JAPAN.
OMG OMG OMG!!
:)
It's not official yet and they are only going to announce it after promos.
BUT, i really really REALLY wanna go.
I'm gonna try to persuade my dad.
This is like the only happy thing in my life right now.
Gave a fuzzy-wuzzy feeling.
Is this how happiness feels like??
o.O

Para-no-id.

Scared, freaking scared.
T.T


I really hate this, man.

12.58

It's 12.58am now.
And i'm still awake, haha
Not a result of mugging too hard, instead, i'm still finding time to slack.
:/

Went JE library to mug with mama and jiaqiang just now.
Was not really that productive but at least i finished 1 chem note.
*trying hard to persuade myself*
LOL!

Gonna go novena tmr to discuss our hist project.
Hope everything turns out fine, hee.

Perhaps, it was never an issue of how long a person stayed in my life.
Rather, it was the fact that i was given the chance to meet her, no matter how short or significant that was.
Really, everyone of you made an impact in my life.
And you know i would have done anything, if there could be anything done, to change things from how they are now.
But sometimes, things happened due to mutual feelings.
And i think, perhaps, our moment have just passed us by.

Fainting spells.

Yesterday, i nearly fainted and it scared the hell out of me.
:(

I was planning to bathe when suddenly, the world started spinning around me.
The sudden dizziness was overwhelming and i could have just collapsed if not for the door being just beside me.
For a spilt second or so, i blacked-out with my head on the sink tabletop.
When i regained consciousness, the world was still spinning and my vision was a blur.
What's worse was there was this constant ringing in my ears and i can't hear anything else besides that.
I managed to drag myself out of the toliet and lied on the bed until i felt better.

After that horrifying experience,
i immediately called dad.
It seriously freaked me out!!!

Im gonna go see a doc tmr with mum.
Not sure if this is being paranoid, but its better to be safe than sorry right?

Ramblings:

I just realised that those sad and cinderella-like drama serials can only be filmed in asia and with asian actors/actresses.
Simply coz westerners, esp females, are stronger and more independent, thus they can't really portray out the meekness needed in the female leads in this drama shows.
Just imagine, Megan Fox replacing Song Hye Gyo in the drama show ' Autumn tales.'
OMG!!

Afraid.

Learn from your experiences,
that's what everyone says.
But things seems to work otherwise for me.

If you've already experienced smth,
you shld not be afraid of the same thing right?
But, i'm afraid.
I'm afraid of being close to someone and relying on them,
only to have them leave my life again.

I dunno what's the prob.
But pple ard me always seems to leave me.
Perhaps, there's smth very wrong with me.
That's why i'm always losing pple.

And then, i learn to move on after a long time.
Coz there's no use pining on smth thats gone.

But the vicious cycle never stops.
And i'm afraid, of the past replaying in the future.

Mac breakfast & history madness.

Today was such a long day.
Woke up at 6.30 am to eat breakfast with bok and hilda.
HAHA.
We met at KAP and i had my first mac big breakfast.
Not bad, and was super filling.

Went back to sch after breakfast and the whole day can be summed up with:
HISTORY MADNESS.
8.30-10am: SEA
10am-11.30am: International
1.30pm-4pm: International
WOW.
I'm still wondering how i survived through it all.
HAHAHA

But it was rather fun,
coz me and bok were not listening.
haha
we were chatting and laughing down there.
So time passed by rather quickly.

After hist, went tanjong pagar for facial.
I haven't done facial for a super long time and it still hurts like crazy.
sigh.

Ok, another day wasted with nth done.
I have a schedule for the rest of this pathetic holiday week:
9/9/09 (omg, i didn't realise tmr is 9th sep'09. Cool.) : Mug. Can't believe i'm spending such a special date mugging. Sigh.
10/9/09: Mug
11/9/09: Go kampong. Help out with Hilda PW. Go home and mug again.
12/9/09: Mug.
13/9/09: Mug and tuition.

What a GREAT holiday.
:)

Nobody's going to help you, unless you help yourself.

Need to give myself a push.
You know what's making me more stressed?
The fact that i'm not that stressed about promos when its just barely 3 wks away.
And the fact that i'm lagging behind in EVERYTHING with my recent failures in maths [Prob hist when i receive it back later.]
T.T

BUCK UP, ZHONGYUN!!!!!!!!!

NO ONE"S GOING TO HELP YOU, UNLESS YOU HELP YOURSELF.

<3 310809.

310809.
Teacher's day eve.
I finally went back to Css after god-knows-how-long.
HAHA.


Was so excited to go back.
And see all the teachers that i had not seen for so so long.
I finally saw mrs anba, who's the vice-principal now.
And mrs abdullah! With her pregnant stomach.
HAHA.
but she couldn't recognise us.
That's sad.


Our lunch was settled in the sch canteen.
Ate the new mee soto stall.
And it was super, SUPER spicy.
My lips was swollen after that.
LOL!


Originally, there was supposed to be a 4/5 class outing.
However, some disagreements and unhappiness happened and in the end, me, pam and val went orchard.
Which was super fun!!!!!
And we only went home at 10++pm.
Hee.
Wanted to upload pics but blogger is so irritating.
Humph.
We had such a fun time with the camera and window-shopping.
And that's what makes things great. :)
Hee.
I <3 310809!!


Im very tired now.
Slept at 12pm++ last night and woke up at 7am today to go out and do pw.
Sigh.
Long day ahead.
And promos coming up!
Where's my motivation??
I haven start on any revisions.
Die.
T.T

Breathe.

Breaking free.
Pause and breathe.
Nobody said it was easy, but please, don't ever lose hope.

你可以不抱期望，但千万别失去希望。
深信，明天会更好。
:)

Realize.

Today was a half-day in njc.
Went Taka Seoul Gardens after school with Val, Pam, Bok and Eunice.
Its been a long LONG time since we've hang out together.
So much have happened and it was nice to actually be able to go out together.
:)

I think we must be getting old.
HAHA
Coz we couldn't eat as much as we used to.
Ate and Chit-chatted all the way till 4pm++
Then we went Kinokuniya for awhile before me, pam and val left.

We intended to go home but somehow,
we ended up window-shopping.
LOL!
Was fun looking at the expensive brands and day-dreaming about a day when we can buy them.
=x
Christian Louboutin, Chanel, Tiffany & Co., Burberry, Juicy Couture etc.
I'm hoping i'll be able to get a Chanel bag someday.
HAHA.

On the way home in the MRT,
We were laughing non-stop.
HAHAHA.
We were thinking of names for Pam's future Boutique and they were super funny.
Going for Classy but the results turned out otherwise.
Hee.
Mangosteen? Durian? Destiny? P.G.B.B? (LOLOLOLOL!)
I think Isomer is not a bad name.
And there's a reason behind it too.
Just as isomers are organic cpds with same molecular formula but different structural formula, all shops sell clothes but are different in terms of fashion styles.
Credits to Val for coming up with such an ingenious name.
:)

Looking forward to Mon!
Where i can finally go back to CSS after so long.
Hee.
------------------------------------------------------

When you just lost someone, the emotional pain is so unbearable that you'll think it will just tear you apart.
You keep questioning yourself the possibilities and impossibilities, the reasons and the unknown.
You keep deluding yourself of reality and immersing yourself in memories.
But, memories are what warms you up from inside and also what tears you apart.

Gradually, time erodes the pain away.
And you may feel better and start moving on.
But there will always be a part of you that's lost, a part of you that you left behind, a part of you that died, together with the pain.

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
- Haruki Murakami

xoxo
zy