But I guess since nobody reads this blog anw, it is considered private? haha
So, today is CNY day 1 and the same shit last year happened this year again.
Where does it stem from? Having a narcissistic mum.
There, I've said it.
I've always had problems interacting with my mum and we are super not close.
We always quarrel and I've known this problem of my mum for some time but chose to ignore.
Only today, she flared at me again.
Like last year and it is super stupid.
My dad wants us to head out but I was thinking since River Angbao will only be open in the afternoon and evening, we may as well head out after they have their afternoon nap and have dinner outside.
I am not disputing or disagreeing to go out together as a family, is just I don't see the point of heading out for the sake of going out.
BUT, my mum came into my room & gave me this huge lecture about the importance of family bonding before she started lambasting me with all her hurtful words of disliking me as a daughter, regretting giving birth to me etc.
Same as last year.
Only, I was way more emotional last year and started crying.
This yr, I was hurt still, only I chose to let her have the last words and I walked away.
I realised, dealing with this type of people, there is no need to argue with them because they are always right. They think they are always right.
Narcissistic Mother + Children = InstabilityChildren experience continued psychological whiplash being raised by a narcissistic mother. You realize she controls with the threat of withdrawal or rage with you and your siblings. Your father goes along to get along, or is long gone.
Here are some characteristics a narcissistic mother:
- The socially engaged mom becomes the controlling mom at home. She’s no longer the woman wearing the perpetual smile that never falters, or at least in everyone else’s eyes. She is demeaning, criticizes, and lets you know in more ways than one that you are not up to her standards.
- She makes you feel like a failure if you’re not doing what she wants right now.Your mom is really good at manipulation, especially when your emotions are involved. If you aren’t fulfilling her desires to make her feel like her needs are at the upmost importance, be prepared to experience pain in the way of criticism or an attack. And, if you are looking for validation, you may be waiting a long time.
- She is easily offended, claiming that she does so much for you. If you don’t give her what she wants, she‘s upset and pulls the “you don’t love me because if you did, you would do what I wanted” card or she’ll simply accuse you of taking her for granted and not appreciating her as a mother. It’s not above her to compare you unfavorably to someone else who is “good” to his or her mother.
- She is privately opinionated, blasting people, while more forgiving in public. Mom needs to look good in front of everyone, even if she isn’t too fond of them. She ischarismatic, smiles and even holds chats with them while saving her criticism and opinions for the house.
- She finds fault in you. And when you make it right, you barely get a validation. “I’m sorry Mom” is never enough with her and you can never figure out how to please her with an apology.
- She makes you anxious, not filled with self-confidence. She makes you feel inadequate, even if you do something that deserves praise. We all need validation, especially early on in life. A narcissistic mother can instigate self-doubt in everything that you do.
- The world revolves around her. Your mom has to be the center of attention at all times. She needs to be waited on and adored and expects you to provide her with all of the above and more.
Taken from: X
It's sad, because I feel like my lack of confidence comes from not receiving maternal love since young.
And it is really affecting every single aspects of my adulthood.
It's tough, battling such hurtful words and remaining strong when words actually do kill.
She said she wish I move out, and even hope i go die.
Which mother will say that to her child?
Mine.
I guess, it can't be blamed I am such a Daddy's girl.
Because only my dad really showers me with love. (But even that is debatable at times)
I don't know how long I can tahan my mum's tempers.
Which are really quite bad.
Emotionally and mentally unstable.
Sigh. Another bad start to a new year.
But, I hope this year will still turn out great for me.
At least I didn't blast out like last year or cry.
I am growing up and learning to be better at controlling my emotions.
Good Job ZY.
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