This year, it's extremely poignant, especially for the last quarter of the year.
Too many things happened in the past one month, but if I can sum it up, it would be growth.
I met Mings for dinner earlier tonight, and I asked her what's her 3 main take away from 2019?
Which prompted me to self reflect too, and my 3 take aways are:
1) People change, things change, the only constant is change
A few years back, I wrote about this.
Perhaps it's a concept lurking around in my subconscious, but when it consciously happens, I still get taken aback.
Why do people change? I don't get it. But like many things in life that are out of my control, people belongs to that category.
Last month, right before our first anniversary, Darius told me he doesn't want to have kids.
It was such a huge blow to me. I felt so many different layers of emotions - betrayal, sadness, despair, incredulous...
At my age, I no longer want to start a rs that has no happy ending. So at the start, I asked him, if he wants to have kids? And he said yes. 1 year on, he tells me no. How does one reconcile this?
For me, it was through tears (I actually cried all the way home from Bugis and cried another 5 hours next day), talking to him, talking to friends and then tears again
We are supposed to have another conversation about this before the end of this year, right now it's just stagnant.
But the one silver lining about this dicey situation is... it prompted me to think about my motivation for having kids and what's the life I want.
I was telling Mings, I really tried to imagine not having kids and somehow maybe even managed to achieve a certain level of self-delusion lol
But then, I realised I do not have the confidence that I would never turn it back on him in the future should our relationship sour. And should that happen, I will really dislike the me then.
2) Be surprised, be very surprised
Or in other words, expect the unexpected.
On hindsight, this relationship exposed me to many new perspectives.
I never understood how someone can stay friends with their ex, much less one who cheated on you.
But Darius can.
I never imagined that I can date someone who is friends with their ex and very much meeting them and chatting with them.
But I am.
I never thought I can remain non-defensive in difficult conversations and respect another person's conflicting values which totally goes against what I want.
But I did.
Maybe I changed too, which supports point 1 above haha
3) You need to voice out what you want, people can't read minds
This applies to most girls perhaps lol
We want our partners to know what we want without actually telling them (coz once we tell them it totally defeats the purpose)
I do too.
But the contradictory thing is, sometimes we also do not know what we want hahaha
For e.g, a simple situation such as deciding what to eat. Most girls may say anything, but when our bfs provide options we say no to everything they suggest lol that's usually because we do not know what we want either.
So, if even we ourselves do not understand ourselves completely, how can we expect another party to understand us?
If we want something, we should tell them. Ask and you shall receive (although sometimes may not, but oh well, at least we tried)
And for my relationship, I realise I have no regrets, that is the highest achievement I think haha
Ending with a quote I saw on relationships that I really like:
世间爱情，不过是钟于，忠于，衷于，终于。
钟情于你 忠诚于你 衷心于你 终止于你
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