Zoe

So this happened....

X

#achievementunlocked 

过去式

1am. Late night thoughts.

Haven't bare my soul out in awhile, think that's part and parcel of growing up. 

I read this quote recently: 

'Just because you are nice, doesn't mean you are a good person'. 

Growing up, I have a lot of troubles coming to terms with a lot of things. 

And the biggest of all, is perhaps bearing the consequences of my decisions  

Why? Because I'm not good at handling the truth.

And the truth is... I have a lot to improve on as a gf. 

I was mad pissed at the things B wrote when we ended, but looking back, there were some truths (although not all)...

And those truths were reiterated, when things ended between AK and I. 

Some things are better left as skeletons in the closet. 

But I'm not proud of them. And the realisation of the things I can do. 

I told Val, I'm very surprised by who I can be.

And she replied - surprise surprise! Hurt people hurts people.

It shouldn't be a justification for hurting others.

But many of human actions are driven subconsciously anw. 

We may think we are not hurting another, but are we really? 

For the rest of what's left of 2018, I'm going to train up my discipline. 

And that... includes cutting some pple off from my life. 

And learn to be an ethical asshole on my climb up to pick up my self worth. 

Tbh, the reminiscents of my past rs(s) was a broken heart and lost sense of self worth. 

I'm thoroughly battered. 

Sweet As

Officially declare Godiva ice cream as my fav ice cream everrrr

Had my first Godiva ice cream today from my boss and it's so good ~

hehe

Today was a simple, yet good day

Had no dinner at home and AK volunteered to meet me half way btw our homes for dinner

and we had a simple hawker centre meal before he sent me home 

Although at times he is super irritating (like throwing rubbish in my bag bleh)

but he also always send me home after meeting me

wishes me morning and good night every day

cook for me meals

let me go out with my friends

Things that I didn't have in the past

Maybe this is enough...

后来的我们

刚看完了刘若英的处女作品《后来的我们》

故事大纲让我想起了她的歌 《后来》

‘后来我终算学会了如何去爱，可惜你早已远去，消失在人海 ’

10年，2人的感情纠缠

最终，还是以不幸做结尾

果真，不幸才是故事

但，真的是不幸吗？

就如小晓说的，如果他们当时真的结婚，现在也许已经离婚了

如果当时小晓没走，见清也许就会继续堕落下去，也不会拥有现在的一切

其实，人生最美好的事物都是短暂的

因为现实的柴米油盐会消灭爱情的幻想

往往最后成家的那位，并不是最爱的那位

其实最后学会怎样爱，就是成熟了

知道自己要什么，能接受什么，能给对方什么

也知道其实爱情并不是全部

到了那天，也许就是幸福的开始吧

My constant

My constant, thank you for being you. 

New friendship level unlocked - when you attend your good friend sis's wedding.

Waiting for the photos from Pam before sharing it here. 

But I'm so happy for her elder sis Eileen and new Bro-in-law Jeffrey.

Although I'm not close to them, but when the vid played during the wedding on how they met (sec sch friends and they dated for 9 years!), what sacrifices each of them have done for each other (Jeffrey took care of Eileen in a wheelchair/clutches when they went TW with her having an injured leg)... 

#truelove

It's easy to fall in love, easy to stay in love when everything's fun and good

but true love is when shit hit the fan, on days when the 2 of you are screaming at each other and seeing the worst of each other yet still choosing the other every single day...

that's when you know he/she is the one. 

* * *

Had some slight unhappiness with AK over the phone just now. 

I wasn't angry, just maybe slightly irritated. 

Knew he was having a headache, so I just left it at that. 

Choosing your battles wisely, that's what i've learnt. 

But I was pleasantly surprised when he called back, 

saying he was sorry and he shouldn't have been angry. 

It's such a breath of fresh air, from what I've experienced in my past rs. 

I really didn't know what to expect, or rather I've learnt to tame my expectations.

But, thank you AK.

My heart is full tonight. 

Goodnight world xoxo

26

So... I turn 26 today!

For the past 2 years, I've spent my birthday overseas.

There wasn't much fanfare this year, in fact it doesn't even feel like it's my birthday...

But, it's one of my fav and most memorable one.

Celebration part 1 was going for omakase at Sushi Kou.

It was my first time trying out omakase and the experience was good, it was really like slowwww dining lol.

Fresh Sashimi! 

Tried this sake... and I was tipsy after just 3 shots lol

Either I've not drank for quite some time or the alcohol was way too strong (55%)

Birthday Celebration Part II with Fam!

Dad went all the way to Don Don Donki to get Wagyu beef and Lady M cakes.

Feel so blessed ^^

Thanks to all those who remembers little me's birthday and wished me Happy Birthday. 

Forever thankful for the constants - Val, Pam, Jess, Bok, Hilda and my family. 

我很幸福，因为有你们。

***

Haven't updated this space in awhile. 

For my birthday this year, the person I'm most thankful for is AK. 

Thanks for everything you've done for me.

After 1.5 years on CMB and going through too many dates that ends nowhere, after awhile I was kinda using it for fun tbh. 

And after my breakup, the app became my source of distraction.

I'm not proud of it, but it worked to a certain extent in aiding me to move on. 

So on a whim, I jio-ed AK to go Macritchie for a hike lol. 

What I thought would be a quick 1 hr hike to the tree top walk became a 3.5 hrs hike -.-'''

And the idiot had to leave the fact its his birthday till the end of the day zzz

But, it was fun haha

Even then, I thought it would end off around there. 

I think, the losses I've experienced in the past 2 yrs really taught me how to manage my expectations. 

I guess that's one thing good that came out of it all.

The world no longer revolves around me.

I used to fight against growing up a lot, I hate how there's so many thing beyond our control esp when it comes to relationships. 

Now, I've reached a certain sense of acceptance - that sometimes things don't turn out the way we want to, no matter how hard we try.

The downside is I don't dare to give my heart away fully again. 

I've always had trust issues and pain aggravated it.

 I can no longer fall in love as freely & deeply as I used to. 

So, random non-committal chats with strangers on dating apps seem to be the way to go lol.

Until AK comes along

Tbh, I feel we are the oddest match ever... 

we have no common interests, he is from sci and me from arts, I am a strong F while he is a T to the max, I'm kinda an ambivert while he is quite introverted...

I find him weird lol but maybe its precisely the differences that piqued my interests?

One thing led to another... and we've been dating the past 1 month. 

One thing I've learnt from my previous rs is how detrimental comparison is. 

So, I really consciously tried not to compare him to my ex. 

Even so, there were instances when I get reminded of him and I can't help myself. 

One thing is the pace of the rs... I feel its going too fast. 

Another, is sometimes his spontaneity makes him a bit reckless...

Although AK has been attentive and places me as a priority so far.

Somehow, he feels too good to be true... 

And anything too good to be true, usually comes at a very heavy price. 

My insecurity eats me up inside.

I can't help but presume an expiry date to it.

Falling in love is a really scary thing

Can you ever really know someone? 

But I think at the crux of it all, it comes down to my own fear.

I don't know if I'll be able to handle another heartbreak. 

Happy Birthday Zhong. 

请保留你的赤子之心。

人生如戏

This weekend, was one of the longest for me.

And not sure if fate is signalling me, it has been the most coincidental weekend ever.

On Fri night, I watched B walk past me, as I sat eating Hojicha ice cream with GBB. 

It was the oddest sensation ever, coz I didn't expect to see him walk past, with a bunch of new faces that I didn't know. 

I stared, till he was long gone.

And then, GBB asked me what I was staring at, I just said, I saw my ex walk past. 

8 months ago, I rejected GBB coz of B. 

8 months later, I was sitting with GBB as B walked past. 

Someone who was once everything to me, now relegated to a stranger. 

That night, I went home thinking about a lot of things - of how fate can be a joke. If the ice cream place we went was not full, we would not have wandered to Orchard central to sit and then I would not have seen him... 

Fast forward to Saturday night. 

I watched Ready Player One (which is such an awesome movie, Steven Spielberg doesn't disappoint) with Kai Sheng and gang, and the movie ended so late that I missed the last train home. 

But, thanks to this early train closures, I went home with a stranger, who coincidentally stays right at the HDB blocks next to my house. 

So, we took the shuttle and grab ride home. Throughout the journey, it was very easy to talk to him...

And we exchanged numbers coz he needed to paynow me for the grab ride. 

It was quite surreal, I haven't had such an enjoyable convo with anyone for a very long time. 

Can't help but wonder, if this is a sign from fate or a powerful force of attraction.

Seeing B walk past me signifying he is just a passerby and its time to move on. 

Meeting a stranger who I had an enjoyable convo, signifying when one door closes, another opens. 

That's life, isn't it?