Longest April Ever.

April 2016, felt like the longest April ever.
And I feel I need to jot this down, lest I forget the lessons I've learned.

So, I went for OBS on 31 Mar - 1 Apr and it was so fun!
An experience I will never forget - did my first trust fall, felt the unity as a team working towards a common goal, my first jetty jump! and also... met a few new friends, D in particular.

I can't rmb how it all escalated or when it escalated.
But what happened was we talked during the camp because we were one of the 2 chosen leaders (out of 6) to lead day 2's activities and there were a few periods where it was just the 2 of us.
He was particularly easy to talk to and so nonsensical hahaha.
So, when we were slacking in the aircon room, just the 2 of us, he mentioned smth about playing mahjong with his friends who stays in the West and I leaped up LOL, thinking it won't be too bad knowing a few new friends, and... I asked him for his number.
Thereafter, I took a pic for his friend using my phone and he told me to send it to him, and I did on the taxi ride home, thinking the texting won't last... but it did and went on to smth more.

The first wrong thing I did, was I called him first.
Maybe I was feeling daring and slightly flirtatious, so I called him and thereafter, it became daily late night calls from him.
The worst, and the one that sealed and escalated this whole deal, was the one that we chatted from 2am to 6am. =/
I confess, on hindsight, it was all wrong.
Why? Because, he literally just broke up with his gf. And he started confiding in me about everything - what went wrong with him and his ex, why they broke up etc.
And, within a short period of 2 weeks, I have went on 2 dates with him and he calls me every night literally - and i couldn't stop the tide.
It was all too fast and furious till i snapped - I felt like I was a rebound and I couldn't take it anymore.

So, I called him out and thrashed it - it is either friends or nth. I had to set things straight.
And, currently I feel everything is all good, he has stopped and we are clearly just friends.
But, I realised he taught me quite a few stuff about myself and what i want out of a relationship:

1) I'm an ITTM aka overthinker.

OMG. I was overthinking so much, now thinking back.
It almost drove me nuts too.

____________________________________________

31 Dec'16

Post-Script

I didn't finish this post then...
The ending, was something I expected, it had always been in my gut instincts.
It hurt, so badly then.
Because, I wondered why, why am I not the chosen one.

But, on hindsight, it was because of my need for validation, that made me so susceptible to narcissists like him.
I will leave this post, the way it was.
Because, it will be a lesson I want to remember.
Remember enough to not make the same mistake again.

Thank you, 2016.

Just came back from Shanghai! 

Was a whirlwind 6 days trip but I had a lot of fun~

Photo with my whole extended family!

It has been a long time since we could all gather under one roof, and I am very happy I ended the year with my family. 

The highlight of this trip must be Shanghai Disneyland! 

Haha this is the 3rd theme park I've been to in this year. 

Wasn't intending to go initially but Wen Wen Jie Jie took leave to go with us, I am very thankful to her and her bf for taking care of us. :) 

________________

2016 is coming to an end...

And wow, what a ride it has been.

I think, I've never had so much 'dramas' happening in my life till this year.

And also, so many 'firsts' in my life. 

I think, 2016 must be the year of growth for me & there's more to come. 

More than anything, I've learnt that the most important thing is to love yourself. 

好好爱自己，知道吗？不要和自己过不去。

 其实，真的没什么大不了。

 As for the whole year, I have nothing but gratefulness, for everything I went through. 

Because, through it all, I've learnt so much more about myself. 

It's all a growth journey, isn't it? 

Thankful to everyone I've met, especially those who stuck by me - Val and HD. 

I'm especially grateful towards HD, because the trip to HK was really a last min decision and it literally saved me.

Everything about the trip, healed me. 

They say everything happens for a reason.

People are like seasons, they come and go. 

I'm thankful and blessed for the constants.

Although I really miss HD, things have not been the same ever since he got attached.

But I'm really happy for him ^^

For 2017, I just want to find my inner peace and balance.

And more than anything, I want to be a confident and positive woman. 

Part of me is still struggling, because I will miss the innocent me. 

I will always choose to believe in the good of people, but I will learn to be wiser, in how much I give and people I let in. 

Most of all, I am thankful. 

谢谢你，钟韵。

你很勇敢，继续微笑知道吗？

Onwards yeah ~

2017, will be a brand new start. 

Special Moment

Treat it like a special moment.

Yeah, that's all there was.

It's ok to take a break, everything in its time.

At least it was a lesson learnt, culmination of this whole year's growth process.

Never be emotionally attached, to something that is never yours.

And, value yourself.

How a guy treats you, is how you deem yourself worthy to be treated.

So, thank you, for the fun date. ^^

Thank you, Zhong. For maturing.

It has been tough, but remain authentic no matter what society says.

Jiayou.

两年了

一转眼
两年了
两年前的我们，已经不在了
剩下的，只有满满的回忆

已经好久没这么sentimental了
今晚，就让我怀念一下吧
就算，只剩下我一人，怀念那回不来的时光

人，总是以为一切都会一样
日复日，年复年
但，时间却证明
日子天天过，但是人却一直变

在一个variable多过constant的世界
能有几个constant呢？
特别是人，多么希望每个在我心里刻下脚印的是constants
2016年却证明，那只是天真的想法

谢谢今年在我人生出现的人
谢谢两年前的你们

现在，就让一切归回回忆吧

#NUS#HISTORYCOHORT2015

Sick 3

So... I fell sick again.
LOL I think I should create a tag just for my illnesses this year.
I have never fell sick so often and in so many ways till I started working here zzz
And, like usual, I got 2 days MC.
6 days worth of MC this FY, good job ZY.

This time, I got viral fever.
Had a mild fever on Tues night and surprisingly it went down within the evening.
But reared it's ugly head in the form of a rash on my hands, arms and feet.
It was red and spotty and itchy.
I thought it was HFMD at first, coz only on my hands and feet.
But there were no ulcers in my mouth hmm...

Anw, if I write down the number of different ways I was sick this year, I could publish a book LOL
Including the probs with my teeth and gum ulcers tsk.
I really should take better care of my health.

Have decided, from Dec onwards and till next year, I am going to work on me.
This year, 2016, has been a learning process in terms of relationships and meeting all sorts of guys bad for me.
I have had enough, no more.

For what's left and about to come,
I am going to focus just on 3 things:

1) My Health 

2) Career (new job and career I'm going to embark on) 

3) Loving and building on the people that loves me

 Timeline to get new job --> By June next year.

In the meantime, I need to stop engaging in self-sabotage and find avenues to develop myself.
For my work, I'm going to try and find avenues for presentations.

Jiayou ZY, you can do this.

_________________________________

Really enjoyed this acoustic cover of 'Still Into You' by Ashley Tisdale. 

Someday, my love will look at me the way the 2 of them look at each other. :)<3 p="">

Big Family Day Out Carnival'16

BOOYAH~

Haven't been updating this space in agesss

I'm back from Japan and it was an epically COLD trip lol.

There were so many photos taken (like 900+) and videos and I am kinda lazy to upload them haha

But it was a fun trip

Best part was USJ, I LOVE IT ~

Harry Potter world was so magical and I LOVE THE ROLLER COASTER

They have music blasting out and we took it at sunset, the view was so gorgeous. 

Ok, this post wasn't supposed to be Japan... I'll leave it to another time if I feel like updating hahaha

Anw! Ytd was the BFDO carnival day, after 1.5 months of busy coordination and liaising with vendors with Kendrick.

The above pic was the highlight of the day - photobooth with Minister Lim Swee Say 

How many people takes photobooth with ministers! 

HAHAHA YAY so lucky.

But, the crowd for the day was so little, I felt so bad for the vendors.

And indeed, today one of them wrote in to complain and demand for refund. 

=/

Shall see what the main organising comm says.

And today, I did a video interview and it was soooo horrible, terrible, vegetable. 

Omg, I think the person seeing it tmr will think it is a joke LOL

Hahaha I was literally laughing at myself when I did it. 

Sigh.

Nvm, treat it as a learning experience. 

Shall start preparing and working hard for future interviews. 

___________________________

Although I was half expecting it, I was kinda surprised the guy I met on Coffee Meets Bagel actually came down ytd.

We had lunch and I thought it went ok haha

But... he always give off mixed signals

Is like he doesn't really chat?? We didn't talk at all for 4 days till he came down ytd.

And it was me who initiated zzzz

And after texting ytd, we stopped again. 

ZZZZ 

I take it all as RED FLAGSSS

Inconsistency = HUGE red flag. 

Hahaha I say till I am like some dating guru LOL 

When I am super inexperienced =x

Oh well.

It'll come when it comes, and I'll know it.

In the meantime, I'm gonna continue doing me. 

29'Oct 2016

(On flight to Osaka)

Dear Diary

Today, I feel liberated and at peace.
And I want to remember this moment.

This past few months has been a period of growth - individual growth and I can proudly say: I love myself.
They always say be yourself, but in order to be yourself, you must know who you are.
And the answer to that, perhaps is not that complex after all.

You just have accept yourself fully - the past you, the current you and the you to be. 

The past you, is not the person you are now.
The current you, will not be you in future as life and the people you meet will change and mould you.
And the person you are yet to be, is within your control to shape.

You have to visualise the person you want to be and move towards it.
And I am at peace, because I know I am moving towards it.

Who do I want to be?

I want to be a kind, compassionate, gracious and forgiving person. I may get lost along the way, as circumstances and people hurts me and makes me bitter. But, I have faith I will heal. Because the power lies in me, I give myself permission to heal. 

I want to be a courageous person, one who knows when to say no. You can say no to others and be kind as well - because self-love is necessary for giving more love to others. 

I want to be a person who dares to take chances. Who'll rather take the risk of being vulnerable then be afraid to try. 

I want to make decisions from a position of love, rather than fear. 

And even if other refutes me, it's ok.

Because, the only validation I need, is from myself.  

I am my own best friend - thank you Zhong, for staying soft and kind.

It's all a process & journey of self-discovery. In the midst you may fall and feel disheartened but it will be ok.

You know why?

Because I will always have your back.

Love,
Zhongyun