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Showing posts with label Project ZY. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Project ZY. Show all posts

Sunday, May 31, 2020

On the fence about having children

One of the reason D and I broke up was because of children and how our vision of life and values are too different.
I never envisioned a life without children, because babies are cute and to me, a family and marriage must have kids. 
However, recently I had a change in thoughts.  
Not because of any grand reasons like climate change, want a better life for children in the future but more of I don't think I will be a good mother based on my temper now. 

One of my biggest fear is becoming someone like my mother.
But temper wise, I am extremely like her - reactive, defensive, accusatory and jumps to conclusions. 
I realised how damaging it is to a person's self worth and esteem, and the reason for doing so is less of the other person but because I feel hurt. 
Do I want to become a mother like that and hurt my child? Nope, I don't want this to continue on. 

And, I realised how important the family environment is to nurturing loving children who can ingrain and contribute to society. 
It all starts from the family and home. 
Material wise, my family is doing alright. Maybe on the surface people even think our family is good. 
But internally, there are so many issues. 

I think at it's core, my mum just has her bias towards me. Whatever I do, will never be good enough. 
Whereas for my bro, he doesn't have to do anything and she still compliments him. 
But, I have decided to recognise, it is not me, it is her. My mum grew up in an unloving family too. 

And it is this cycle, that will continue to perpetuate if nothing is done. 
To me, I want to find a loving, respectful and caring partner who shares my life vision and grows with me. And, that partner is more important than the child. If I remain single for life, I wouldn't want a child as well. 

Is marriage on the plate? Yes, I would still love to get married. 
Marriage to females is a sense of security as it is a commitment.  But, I've decided not to force it. 
If I have the chance to be in love with someone who loves me at the same time again, this time I wouldn't force it and will just let things be.

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

28 in CB




Happy 28th Birthday to me! 
This year is special, because it's spent in Circuit Breaker mode...
Normally, I will be either overseas or in staycations but this year.
I had zero expectations, and it totally exceeded everything. 
I am very very thankful to every single person who wished me Happy Birthday
And amazed by the C.S.I skills some of my friends have in finding out my home address and sending the following sweets:


Thanks for the Bloombox flowers and Muyoo BBTs from Kit 
4 jars of Grin Affair cakes from my fav 'mean girls' in office - Shuzhen and Ginny.. without those girls life in my office would have been very bland...
Thanks for adding so much joy for the past 2.5 years :)


And my sweetest HDB girls Cheryl BB and Rachel BB
They are the real legendary CSIs, I teared when seeing their Bud Box and Luna cakes omg


And another 2 CSIs experts - Caitlin and YMM
So thankful for these girls for brightening my days in the office #loveu4eva


And 大坏蛋 Hui Juan also somehow managed to find my address and send YOLE over
Thank you 


And a big thank you to Darius as well...
Someone delivered my fav chai latte and carrot cake over but didn't leave a note or name
omg then I was kinda frustrated and even called SB to try finding out who it is
Actually I guessed it could have been him as not many people know what drink I like, but then it's kinda odd to assume so I left it be...
Turns out it was really him. 
Thank you ^^

Thank you to my family, bff Val and everyone who wished me happy birthday today too~
Special thanks to my DAD, I will be nothing without you
I'm blessed because of all of you






Saturday, March 28, 2020

Dating?

I've been using dating apps again on and off for the past month.
This time round I tried Okcupid, and I actually matched a guy and met him (S) earlier this month for an art jamming session.
S is a very nice guy, outgoing and ambitious too. The fact that he works in public service also makes it quite easy to converse with him.
However, I was not physically attracted to him... and I just told him about the fact that I am emotionally unavailable haha

Subsequently, I met WJ off CMB, who can actually be considered my FASS senior.
He is a fun person, easy to talk to.  We spent a long evening over dinner and ice cream ytd.
And he was gentlemanly enough to send me home even though he stays in the East (coz he drove, out of so many guys I've dated he is only the second guy who has a car).
I guess, I quite enjoyed talking to him? So I had my expectations haha although I did feel our texting was rather contrived.
And today, he did not reply my texts, which made me slightly disappointed but on hindsight, I'm actually glad he did not. 

And over ytd's convo, I realised I have yet to move on.
What then, are my intentions on the dating apps?  Is it really to know someone new? Or just to find a replacement?
The latter is more likely haha
And... until the day I learn how to be happily single again, it is quite difficult for me to enter another rs, especially when I'm still reeling from the remorse of the previous rs.

For the past 3 years, I've not been single longer than 4 months.  It was one rs after another.
Today, after the emotional uproar I felt following the 'rejection' from WJ, I realise it is really me not being able to be single and be alone by myself.
I constantly need someone to be with me and rely on them.

Maybe loneliness is the reason.  I should learn to sit with myself and my loneliness, maybe that's when I will be able to hold myself responsible for my own happiness and that's when I can manage my expectations.

Sunday, February 16, 2020

Be kind to yourself

Grieving seems to be a non-linear thing
Just when I thought I was better, V day hits and another 3 days of crying resumes
Things seem to feel bad again because I received another terrible news last Fri.
Right after the break up, I received the opportunity to interview for a job that I really wanted 
And I was so close to getting it because they started doing reference checks...
Only to receive the news last Fri that the position may be on hold
It literally felt like another door just slammed in my face.

My dad has been a great support
While conversing with him, I stated that I feel terrible because nth seems to be going right
Or put in other terms, things are not going the way I want. 
And then he pointed out - most things in life do not go the way you want them to. 

I have realised, my personality and character is like this - I want things to go the way I want
Yet, I lack the tact and strategy to make people do the things I want, so I am doomed to be unhappy. 
And also, there are a lot of things in life that is beyond our control.

The trick to happiness is to recognise and accept life is difficult, and to do what is within our control (our response (not reactions) and hard work) and accept what we can't. 
And to find our mini joys in life. 

Saying is easier than done. My self-entitled personality, I don't think it will change much. 
But,  I can change the thoughts in my mind and being aware whenever I get into that negative space in my head again. 

Too many hard pills to swallow. 

To get over this grieving process and find my acceptance, the first step I'm going to do is to be kind to myself. 

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

27 on 27


I turned 27 on 27 (May)!


Spent my birthday weekend in Penang this year, was my first trip to Penang
And the whole trip can be summed up with one word - eat, eat & eat. 
I think I had 6 meals in one day (no joke)


Penang Char Kuey Tiao is really different.. the wok hei is way stronger coz they use charcoal to cook
We queued 30mins for this Char Kuey Tiao 

                                               
Had tons of food but my fav must be this Duck Meat Soup Kuey Tiao
It's super good! The soup is not salty and just nice, I love it so much (with the soy sauce chilli dip) that I had it as my last Penang meal before flying back. 
And look at my man buying for me hehe... that's a back view I won't ever get bored of ;)

So, with that I found my true love in Penang...


Heartfelt thanks to my love
He surprised me with sunflowers and the sweetest card~
Or maybe he got tired of me requesting for flowers every time we walk past a flower shop hahaha!

Thank you for doting on me unconditionally 
Cooking for me, taking my bag without me requesting, always there to hold my hands, being the best IG BF...

Although we have our differences
But with you, I never felt I was difficult to love 


Between passionate and stable love, now I'll take the latter any day
And yes, to anyone who asks me if dating apps work... 
I will say take breaks if you must (I did too!) but don't give up
Because if I did, I will never have met Darius
We are 2 different people with different nationality, background and work environment
2 people who without the digital age will never have met, and yet we did
So, thank you e-月老
Because after turning so many circles, I'm truly happy now :)

Sunday, December 30, 2018

最幸福的2018

The past 3 months have been a whirlwind of exhilarating events and many firsts...

Oct - Taiwan'18
It's been 8 years since I went TW
and the country is even more beautiful than I remembered


Sunset at Taichung's Gao Mei Wetlands
Tip for those heading beyond Taipei, best to self drive or get a chartered bus if travelling in a larger group...
The public transport in this areas are not as developed (no MRTs) and bus services were at 20 mins intervals.
Hence Hilda and I almost cabbed everywhere, we spent so much on cabs
The trip to Gao Mei Wetlands cost 1800NTD to and fro (98SGD), but the view was so worth it #noregrets



Highlight of the trip was staying at this pretty B&B halfway up Alishan!
It was so tranquil and pretty...
Totally recommend! I was a bit sad we had to leave after 2 nights, would totally hope to stay longer.
The host told us that the longest a Singaporean had stayed was for 1 week! Just to destress and lead a slower pace of life...


Say hi to LuLu~ miss this cutie meow


Highlight of the trip must be waking up at 3am to catch the sunrise on Alishan peak
And the best thing I brought along on this trip is...a selfie stick HAHAHA
It's so useful for taking photos above mass crowd's hands/cameras and heads >.<


Although we have travelled a few times to Taiwan, Japan, Vietnam and S.Korea, this is the first time it's just the 2 of us.
And I must say, it turned out better than I expected!
Think is because both of us are quite easy-going, that's the most impt when travelling with friends. 

Nov Weddings

11.11.18 Hui Min and Zhiyong's wedding

Was my virgin bridesmaid experience!
The night before I stayed over at HM's sis place coz her place is toooo far from mine.
Literally one end of the island to the other >.<


The bridesmaids squad:
Joyce, Me, Kymberly, Lynn, Evon 


And groomsmen squad...
We were making them eat 酸甜苦辣 here
HM made me the gatecrash IC and it was so fun! muahahhaa
If you think about it, gatecrashes are the only time bridesmaid are given the 'rights' to 作弄别人
Oops


And the happy couple! 
Half-way through the photoshoot session, HM's veil fell and we did an 恶作剧之吻and made ZY wear the veil hahahaha


With the HDB peeps who attended the wedding!

***

17.11.18 Hui Juan & Wilvin's Wedding


大坏蛋成人妻咯!
Happy for her :)
but the wedding session itself was quite a torture for me to sit through...
Coz Bug was there zzzz 
but, luckily that should be last time I'll need to see my ex-boss

巴迪

Mr DK.
Where should I start?
We matched on CMB on 9 Nov, he spoke to me on 12 Nov.

He is the kindest, most respectful and 细心guy I've met from my 2 years of dating.
And it wasn't even from how he treats me, but how he treats others.
On our first date, a little boy got lost in the Artsci museum and started crying behind us.
I brought the little boy to find the museum staff for assistance and when I went back, he wasn't at his original place.
I called and to my surprise, he went around looking for parents who are looking for their child.

For dinner, he brought me to 'Signs a Taste of Vietnam Pho' at midpoint orchard, opened by a deaf couple.
While waiting for our food, he suddenly asked me if I know what's the hand signal for thank you?
I didn't, but he did.
Apparently, he googled on our way to the place so that he can hand signal to the couple.
That moment, I was awestruck by his attentiveness.


From then, we've met for 10 times. 
He has been to 2 dog adoption drives with me, we've been on movie dates, bowling date, Christmas gift exchange... 

But, this feeling is not how I've felt before. 
Towards him, I don't have butterflies in stomach feeling. 
It's... comforting and secure, a feeling I've not had before. 

Meeting him, may be the best thing that has happened in 2018. 
One year ago, I would never imagine I will be happy again... but here I am. 
He opened my eyes, that there are still kind, respectful and considerate man out there. 
So, thank you 巴迪 for everything.
谢谢你让我的2018年画下幸福的句号。

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Of Realism & Escapism

Leaving takes courage; Doing the right thing requires wisdom. (Kit, 2017)

It's the last day of 2017 and i'm spending it quietly at home in bed (partially coz I'm sick), playing ballads in the background.

Where should I even begin recapping 2017?

Out of my 25 years, I think this year was the most eventful of all.
Thinking back, most of my memories that I can recall, were all tied together with Alvin and gang.
I've never experienced so much happiness and passion, and yet at the same time, so much anger, grief and sadness.
And... never thought I would be someone who is so princessy/demanding and capable of saying hurtful stuff to people.

When asked, people always describe me as friendly, nice, genuine and bubbly.
So, that's how I perceived my own identity as well.
But, I think when I enter a RS, I become selfish and I haven't achieve the ability to compromise.
Loving an emotionally unavailable man is hard, leaving him was difficult too.

The above quote was summarised by Kit, a good friend I met in HDB.
She was a large part of my 2017 as well, one of the better parts.
Both of us have had an eventful 2017. Well... actually I would say hers is more life changing.
And the lessons...

I watched this TedTalk ytd on searching for love to escape ourselves:

It made me think...
Was I using 'love' as an excuse to escape the pain of growing up and finding out who I am?
Perhaps I was. I am lonely and I sought attention, which was the vibe I gave out and that was how the varied number of guys all magically seem to appear one after another throughout 2017.
I never had a break in between.
And I accepted them all, before rejecting them all.
Alvin termed me as a player, I see it rather as someone who is lost.

And the end, saw me going with the flow... and getting hurt along the process.
I think, my curiosity was satisfied in 2017. On how a bad boy/player/narcissist functions.
On hindsight, the ending was actually already determined from the start.
Perhaps we both knew it, but we just didn't know when and how.
I miss our memories made in 2017, but those memories remain... only sometimes it seems like faded memory and one pops up randomly once in awhile.

Thank you for the passion in the first 2 weeks and in Seoul.
At least the photos and videos, will always remain.

Went Jack's place for housewarming ytd with Xiangyun, WangChi and Ruofan.
Never thought we would be in contact, afterall we didn't stay in contact for 16 years? lol
It was so fun we ended the night at 2am, played 三国杀for the first time... and I realised I really miss this feeling of together-ness.
(But, I must say I really am very demanding and always wanting pple to give in to me lol!)

For 2018, I want to leave my shame and fear of vulnerability behind.
I want to accept myself for who I am right now - genuine, bubbly, friendly and demanding/princessy Zy.
And I want to improve on the bad parts while strengthening the good parts of me.
Most importantly, I want to make new memories - in my new workplace, with new people I meet.

Thank you B, for being in my 2017.
2018, I'm ready to heal and embrace myself fully.

__________________
Wanted to text him so badly.
To apologise and tell him I realised my mistake.
But I stopped myself just in time, because... what's the point? What's my intention in texting him?
If nth's gonna change, it's just plain selfish of me.
And... deep down I would expect a reply, but I know that reply wouldn't come. Because I know him.
That would mean double hurt, for me especially.
haha so I stopped myself.

I think the biggest lesson learnt in 2017 - is that the world does not revolve around you Zy. Every choice you make, everything you do, you have to bear the consequences.
And this is on you, this time, its all on you.

Happy New Year.


Saturday, October 29, 2016

29'Oct 2016



(On flight to Osaka)

Dear Diary

Today, I feel liberated and at peace.
And I want to remember this moment.

This past few months has been a period of growth - individual growth and I can proudly say: I love myself.
They always say be yourself, but in order to be yourself, you must know who you are.
And the answer to that, perhaps is not that complex after all.

You just have accept yourself fully - the past you, the current you and the you to be. 
The past you, is not the person you are now.
The current you, will not be you in future as life and the people you meet will change and mould you.
And the person you are yet to be, is within your control to shape.

You have to visualise the person you want to be and move towards it.
And I am at peace, because I know I am moving towards it.

Who do I want to be?

I want to be a kind, compassionate, gracious and forgiving person. I may get lost along the way, as circumstances and people hurts me and makes me bitter. But, I have faith I will heal. Because the power lies in me, I give myself permission to heal. 
I want to be a courageous person, one who knows when to say no. You can say no to others and be kind as well - because self-love is necessary for giving more love to others. 
I want to be a person who dares to take chances. Who'll rather take the risk of being vulnerable then be afraid to try. 
I want to make decisions from a position of love, rather than fear. 

And even if other refutes me, it's ok.
Because, the only validation I need, is from myself.  
I am my own best friend - thank you Zhong, for staying soft and kind.

It's all a process & journey of self-discovery. In the midst you may fall and feel disheartened but it will be ok.

You know why?

Because I will always have your back.

Love,
Zhongyun





Monday, October 24, 2016

And so I realised...

I used to think continuous giving to others is being kind and good.
It is.
However, if it is at the expense of yourself, it is being selfish - to both yourself and others.
Because, your giving won't be unconditional but harbouring on getting something back because your own needs are not fulfilled.
And people can sense that and people will leave.

I used to think - why can't I keep friends.
And then I realised, it is because I don't value myself, that's why others don't value me.
I lack respect, to myself.

You can only give more, when you are whole yourself. 
Today, I can proudly say: 'I love myself.'
With all my imperfections.
What's wrong with being loud and chatty and straightforward?
If you can't appreciate me, that is your problem, not mine.

As for the people who left, it just shows there is no place in my life for you.
Thank you, for once leaving footprints.
But now, that's all there is.

I need to grow, as a person.

So today, I am whole.
I am complete by myself.
My self-worth does not need external validation, I just need my own validation. 

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

HongKong'16 - Best Trip Ever

Woo~
Have been back from HK for about a week but I am still reeling from the trip.
It is the best trip ever till now, even better than NZL.
Maybe because I went with no expectations, was totally YOLO with no itinerary. 
Heck, I packed on the morning itself before heading to the airport. 
And I was sick zzzz

BUT, it turned out to be the best trip ever.
And I did so many things I never thought I would. 



Biggest accomplishment would be climbing to the peak of 钓鱼嗡 (High Junk Peak).
Just look at the view!
It was breathe taking and worth my 3 falls going downhill HAHAHA
The sun was crazy though and we climbed up when it was 32 degrees.
I felt so so so free and liberated when I was at the top. 
Good thing was there was a slight breeze ~ 
And the weather, was perfect. 
I was so scared it would rain throughout my trip (like how it did the previous time I went HK last yr), because it rained on my 2nd day and I went Disneyland in the rain zzzz.


BUT! The weather was perfect for the rest of my trip. :)
I felt so happy & at ease throughout the trip, all thanks to the non-local Hongkonger - HD. 
On the first night when he picked me up at the airport, he got lost LOL.
As expected HAHAHA 
A 50 mins ride from the airport to Kowloon Island became 1.5 hrs because he went to HK Island instead and took a LONGGG detour.
But, it created memories hahahhaa.


Thanks to HD, I got to meet Choco niece and Maddy - finally!
Has been seeing pics of choco niece all the time and they are soooo cute. 
Went to the peak and Stanley beach with his family before having dinner with them. 
Love his family so much because they are so hospitable and treats me like one of their own. 


Made a new friend too!
Baby James hahahah (because he chose to drink 7/11 beverage instead of alcohol when we went to the pier)
He not only used his staff pass to give us discount (50% off!) at disneyland but also accompanied me in my last 2 days. 
I am so grateful to him and he is really really friendly too. 

The oddest meal must be the super ex $200 (yes omg) cafe dinner I had with HD, his gf Monica, James and Monica's ex-colleague. 
It was kinda awkward? Coz they were speaking in Canto and first time HD introducing Monica as his GF hahaha.
But they were all really hospitable.
And I am so so happy for HD, because Monica seemed like a really understanding girl - which makes a good GF.
A compassionate guy like HD, deserves a good girl like Monica :)

And we went to this music gig which I really really enjoyed. 
First time having free flow red wine and the music was so good - jazz and indie style.
The atmosphere was really chillax too. 


Spent all 5 days with HD.
And I am really really grateful to him for taking care of me throughout the 5 days. 

To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to the trip at all.
I was sick - physically and emotionally.
But, so glad I went ahead.
It became a healing trip and I have never felt so re-charged ever. 

Perhaps being able to reach the peak of the mountain changed something in me. 
I never thought I would be able to do it - we were literally climbing rocks to reach the peak. 
But I DID IT. 

Like what they say, 
' Life begins at the end of your comfort zone'
I guess it's true. 
It really does. 

The upper half of 2016 was a mess - filled with drama and unhappiness. 
But, when I left it all in July, I made a pact that the lower half will be good. 
And it is. 
I have moved on. 

Can't wait for what the rest of 2016 have in store for me. 
^^


Saturday, July 30, 2016

Youth Corps

Went for my first Teh Tarik session at the Red Box ytd after work.
Was my first youth corps event since i joined as a member last year.
And, it turned out to be quite fun!
The people there are really really friendly and young hahaa
I was like one of the oldest there.
But their friendliness, just makes me feel very welcomed.

Had an interesting and engaging session where Joe Tan, Founder of Love Action Project shared his experiences and his view on friendship.
Something he shared makes me re-evaluate my view of friendship.
The past year, ever since leaving uni, hasn't been the easiest for me in terms of relationships.
I've met so many new people, yet at the same time so many left as life gets in the way.
But, there are so many types of friendship - those that grow with you, those that are one-time friends etc.
Even if they don't stay, it doesn't mean any of them were not impt to you at that moment in time.
What is more significant, is the experience and impact they brought and taught you.
And I thought about it, the reason why I am always disappointed in people.
Instead of having expectations and questioning others, perhaps I should reflect more on myself.
To have great friends, I need to be a good friend to others first.

After which we had a mini get to know each other session.
Haha had so much fun talking to strangers coz everyone is so friendly.
Stayed behind for awhile to chit chat more with some of them, really glad to met them - Zhi Lei, Chen Hui and Afzal.
Hoping to see them again soon!

__________________________________

Cried at work on Thurs.
Got to know some bad news - HJ is leaving.
Didn't know I would get so affected by her departure but I did.
Sigh, sometimes I get quite annoyed by my own sentimentality, but I am learning not to apologise for how I feel.
Just had to let it out, and then I'll be fine.

Que Sera Sera - What's meant to be, will be.

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Role Model

As far as I can remember, I don't really regard anyone as my role model in life.
But, I read this Aunty's story and her whole outlook and principles towards life struck me as something I should look up to. 
I am going to paste this story here so that I will still have reference to it in the future. 
All credits to StraitsTimes, Wong Kim Hoh (Senior Writer) and Jackpot Auntie:  X

'Why Jackpot Auntie gave away windfall - twice'.
Nearly five years ago, Madam Choo Hong Eng became the talk of the town when she won more than $400,000 from a casino slot machine at Marina Bay Sands (MBS), and then proceeded to give it all away.
It was not the first time she had hit the jackpot only to donate the money to charity. Four years earlier, she had parted with more than half of the $280,000 she won from pulling the one-arm bandit on a cruise ship.
Her generosity is all the more impressive, given her background.
No heiress with oodles of spare cash, the 61-year-old was abandoned at birth and never had the privilege of an education.
Instead, she works hard for her money by running a vegetarian food stall which she started in Geylang 30 years ago.
So why did she give it all away?
"I have all that I want," says the woman nicknamed Jackpot Auntie.
Some people said she was stupid or crazy for doing what she did but many others described her as a remarkable woman.
Madam Choo certainly has presence as she sits in a private dining room at Kwan Inn Vegetarian Restaurant in Tanjong Katong Road. The cosy eatery, which opened a few months ago, is her new undertaking with two business partners who are in the coffee business.
That she is a woman of action is obvious from the purposeful and animated way she moves and talks. She radiates charm and has an easy likeability, made even more pleasing by her sharp wit, keen intelligence and refreshing candour.
One can easily imagine her, with her smarts, running a successful business or corporation if Fate had dealt her a better hand at birth.
Shaking her head, the straight talker says she does not waste time grappling with such a scenario.
"It's not something you can change," she says in Cantonese.
Her real parents, she was told, were Shanghainese and worked on ships. They left her in an orphanage in River Valley when she was born.
When she was three, she was adopted by a devout Buddhist who had left Shanghai for Singapore after becoming disappointed with her husband's philandering ways.
Her adoptive mother, whom she called Ah Por, or grandmother, also took in two boys from the orphanage, which was forced to close because of a lack of funding.
Ah Por was the head of a tontine, an informal micro-financing scheme where members make regular contributions to a common pool and bid for loans.
As she did not have a birth certificate and other documents, Madam Choo was not enrolled in a school.
"It didn't bug me not having an education. I knew I could still have a career and not go hungry. My Ah Por told me that only the lazy starve," she says.
Not only was she never lazy, but she was also entrepreneurial to boot. By nine, she already knew how to make money.
Each time an opera troupe performed in her kampung, she would peddle guava, rambutans and sugar cane. "In those days, opera performances sometimes lasted a week. We lived in a kampung, so there were all these fruit trees. Whatever was edible, I'd raid to sell. Or I'd reserve seats for the villagers for five or 10 cents," she says.
Her leadership qualities surfaced early. "I was known as the samseng girl," she says, using the local slang for ruffian.
"All the village boys looked up to me and did my bidding. The villagers all said I would be the first to marry because there were always boys around me," adds Madam Choo, who is single.
Her hyperactive nature so exasperated her adoptive mother that she was packed off to a school for novice Buddhist nuns in Telok Kurau when she was 12.
While the feisty girl agreed to attend classes on Buddhist scriptures, she told the principal that she was illiterate and would not do homework or take exams.
For more than two years, she would attend classes daily from 8am to 4pm.
"That is why I can recite sutras by heart," she says with a laugh.
At 14, she found work in a wig- making factory in Geylang Lorong 3. So adroit was she at her job that she could do the work of three people.
"My bosses loved me because I was fast and precise, but my colleagues resented me. I asked for overtime work every day because I wanted to make money," says Madam Choo, who could rake in $1,000 - no mean sum 40 years ago - each month.
When the wig industry fell on hard times, she took on two jobs. By day, she worked as an assistant in a shop selling vinyls and stamps; at night, she was a ticket seller at the now-defunct amusement park Gay World. "In those days, a lot of Taiwanese singers such as Teresa Teng and Yu Ya performed at Gay World," she says.
Quick to spot money-making opportunities, she persuaded her day boss to place big orders for records by visiting artists. She would then get these singers to sign the records during their rehearsals and flog the vinyls off in her ticketing booth at night, earning a commission for each one she sold.
Vivacious and sporty, she attracted quite a few suitors, among them a jockey. "Many who went after me were married. And my Ah Por told me never to get involved with a married man," she says.
Surely there were eligible ones too. "Yes, but no feel lah," she says, suddenly lapsing into English.
"Anyway, I'm not marriage material. I'm too independent and headstrong. I like to make and spend my own money."
And she did. Over the next two decades, she made a more than decent living at different jobs.
For a spell in the 1980s, she was chauffeur to Hong Kong celebrities such as Andy Lau, Tony Leung Chiu Wai and Anita Mui whenever they were in town.
On weekends, she made a lucrative living cooking vegetarian dishes for busloads of tourists, who would eat in the spacious compound of her adoptive mother's house in Ceylon Road.
"I cooked for three seatings of 15 tables each on weekends. I could make a couple of thousands each weekend. I stopped when the Government passed a law requiring all caterers to be licensed," says Madam Choo, who also ran a photostating business in a local university.
In the 1990s, she started a vegetarian stall in Geylang East.
Although she has turned it into a thriving business, she did not have it easy at first.
She had to contend with sabotage attempts by jealous competitors and had her fair share of accidents.
Once, her hands slipped and she tipped a wok of hot oil onto her face and chest. She was in agony. Her scalded face took on a bright red hue and her clothes stuck to her chest.
She prayed to the Goddess of Mercy, imploring that she be spared disfigurement. When she emerged unscathed from the episode, she resolved to devote her life to charity and helping others.
Madam Kwan Seck Mui, 69, has known her for nearly 40 years.
"She really lives by her principles. If a person genuinely needs help, she will help," says Madam Kwan, a former entertainment journalist.
That probably explains why Madam Choo adopted her friend's two daughters about 20 years ago.
"My friend went on her knees and told me that she could not afford to raise them. Her husband was a gambler and they had just got divorced," says Madam Choo.
The two daughters are now 21 and 24. One will be completing her business studies at Singapore Management University, while the other has a certificate in hospitality.
Madam Choo has been donating to charity for most of her working life, although her altruistic streak came to public attention only after her jackpot win at MBS.
She made headlines in October 2011 when she got involved in a dispute with the casino, which initially refused to pay her the winnings of more than $400,000, claiming that there was a computer glitch.
She was given the full sum only after she complained to the Casino Regulatory Authority.
Upon receiving the money, she gave it all away to nearly 30 charities, including the Singapore Buddhist Federation and the National Kidney Foundation.
She has not been to a casino since. She says: "You will never win again. I don't gamble. But (at the time) my friend, who was visiting from China, wanted to see what the casino was like. I decided to change $50 for tokens to play the slot machines while waiting for him.
"It was the same on the cruise ship. A friend invited a few of us on the cruise. It was just meant to be."
She insists the episode has not changed her life much.
"My branding has probably become stronger," she jokes. "And I get recognised. People point at me and whisper, and taxi drivers ask me if I am the Jackpot Auntie."
The attention does not bother her much. Neither does the fact that she has lost a few friends whose requests for help - to settle credit card bills or start businesses - she did not entertain.
"My philosophy in life is simple. Don't hurt others to benefit yourself. And as long as what you do is proper, do not worry about what others say."
Friends, she says, she does not lack. One of them is Singapore artist Tan Swie Hian, 72, who has been patronising her vegetarian food stall in Geylang for years.
"She is just a pure soul. She is so kind-hearted that she devotes her life to bringing happiness to other people," says the Cultural Medallion winner, whose ink-on-rice paper work, Portrait Of Bada Shanren, sold for $4.4 million at the Poly Auction in Beijing two years ago.
"Like all kind people, she is taken advantage of by others, but she doesn't let it get to her."
When Madam Choo opened her Kwan Inn restaurant last year, Mr Tan, Singapore's most expensive living artist, personally gave her a calligraphic plaque which doubles as a signboard for the eatery.
The restaurant is a lifelong dream. "I've always wanted to find a successor and a legacy for my recipes," says Madam Choo, who has a repertoire of more than 100 dishes. "If it does well, there are plans to open branches."
She chuckles when asked what goes through her head when she looks back on her life. "There have been ups and downs, but I have to say I have a happy life."
And she does not worry about the future. "I'm not lazy. That's why I'm here," she says. 

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Braces Journey #1


TATA!
Huge pic of me in my braces!
I am going to blog about my whole 2 years or so braces journey as it is one of the biggest decision I've made in recent years.

Yes, I have finally put on my braces after almost 2 years of deliberation?
The first consultation I went for braces was when I was still in NUS, yr 4.
And I actually did my teeth mould and x-ray even! But I chickened out in the end =/ Also because I didn't have the $$ necessary then.
Totally wasted my time & $$.

But, it was always in the back of my mind and last year July during my job-hunting period, I went for a consultation again.
This time, I decided to just do it. But the whole process still dragged quite long because it is super hard to book my orthodontist Dr Seow's timing as she is only at my clinic twice a month.
I was initially supposed to do it in Nov, but coz I knew I was going Japan in Dec, I decided to postpone it... till 2nd Feb, this past Tues.
Which is also not a good timing because CNY is the week after, like now.
And I can't eat T.T

Ok, shall begin from the start:

Reason why I want to do braces


Sorry for the pic of my ugly teeth =x
So, my upper front teeth is slightly crooked, but more importantly, can you see the gap in my teeth on the left? (right in the pic above)
I have an open bite and also under bite (my side profile is terrible) meaning that my problem is mostly a bite > teeth alignment problem.
Also, I have one less teeth on my right lower set of teeth. As such, you can see the midlines for my upper set of teeth and lower set doesn't meet. :(
I had to extract a healthy teeth (so sad) from the left before I started my braces.


My X-ray!
I think the open bite and underbite is more obvious here. (Look at the hole)
Honestly, I didn't expect my teeth to be so horrible. HAHHAA
Coz it's really not an alignment problem and over the years I have learnt how to smile in pics without really showing the gap.
But my bite is still a problem and it shows! Esp in candid pics.


One example. It's super obvious here because I took the photo from the side with the gap. :(
So ugly sigh.

Anw! Dr Seow gave me 2 options: pure braces or braces + jaw surgery
I seriously considered the latter option because she informed me for braces, she can at most do a camouflage and won't solve my jaw problem aesthetically.
Meaning, my jaws will still look protruding even after doing braces.
But, I think is really too invasive. Jaw surgery is literally cosmetic surgery in essence, tempting but i think i am too scared.
Either ways, I'll need to do braces.
So I decided to just opt for the pure braces and see what it can do for me.

Extraction:

I did extraction a week before my ortho appt.
And it was actually a really funny experience on hindsight LOL
I went and sat there for quite some time still deliberating whether I shld do braces or not.
Because once I extract there is no turning back or else I will have a huge gap in my teeth.
And when i finally decided, i still requested for the dental assistant's hand LOL
and the dentist had to hide the extraction claws from me HAHHAA
He joked: 'Just don't break my assistant's hand' LOL
Totally treating me like a kid. =/
But the extraction was quite fast, only the thereafter the anaethesia wore off, it was painful hahha.
There was a dull sore? And I think I didn't bite the same gauze long enough. OH YA, pple, if you do extraction, please do not keep changing gauze like i did zzzz
Just keep biting for 40-45mins? It's the pressure that stops the bleeding.
The day after was painful & it was my last day of HDB orientation, so i still went coz we were meeting CEO, although I only slept for ard 3.5 hours the night before.

Putting Braces On:

So a week after the extraction, I FINALLY PUT ON THE BRACES.
I was quite scared to be honest, coz I really didn't know what to expect.
But luckily I had a lot of colleagues and friends who gave me advice (Thanks LL, HJ and Shilei!)
I had KFC for my last lunch LOL. So worth it omg.
And I bought muah chee before actually going in HAHAHA

Dr Seow was really nice. They basically paste the metal brackets on your teeth and then hook the wires through.
It still took ard 1 hr for the whole process.
But what I didn't know then was that I will need to wear rubber bands right from the start!
OMG. The horror.
I think it is the elastics that make braces look so ugly and I look like a vampire now. :(


HAHAHA
SEE!

And I have to put them on 24/7. Coz it is the rubber bands that aligns the bite. SIGH. 
And she put some bite stopper behind my teeth to prevent me from biting the brackets and now my upper and lower teeth can't meet and I can't close my mouth basically. 

And the pain. I will be lying to say there was no pain. My teeth felt so tight and sore during the first 2 days, I literally couldn't touch them at all. 
And the only sensation i felt was pain and hunger HAHAHA
Coz porridge couldn't fill me and I was on liquid food for 2 whole days. 
Heidi had to blend broccoli and then cook pumpkin broccoli porridge for me. I was a BABY. LOL

But, I am so thankful for all my nice colleagues who didn't laugh at me. 
Instead, they all asked me if it was pain a not and why I did it before CNY LOL
That was the no.1 question HAHHAA
Oh well. 

IT WILL BE WORTH IT.