As girls do, we chatted about guys haha.
She's planning to BTO with her bf soon, as per the practice for many others around me now.
If I say I don't feel pressured, that would be a lie. (Comparison is the root of all unhappiness!)
But then, I step back and think about it, do I really want to enter a relationship because I'm ready or because of peer pressure?
Haha then again, you don't ever enter something 100% ready don't you, just like a lot of things in life.
I mean, you don't even enter life (when you're born) 100% ready to tackle what lies ahead, what life deals you with.
Felt slightly disoriented yesterday night.
I felt desensitised from everything, especially relationships and people.
Not that I've experienced a lot, I'm lucky that most friends I have stayed.
But, there were instances when some slipped through the cracks of life, and the recent days with my history people made me realise I really enjoy the togetherness, but everyone is moving on with their life and paths.
And I lack the faith we'll stay as friends.
People change. Drift apart. Move on.Often, I feel like i'm in a tug of war with myself.
My brain knows realistically all this won't matter after awhile, but my heart still hopes.
But yesterday night, my heart lost its voice.
Maybe, it's because I've finally accepted I must move on.
You don't like me.
It is what it is, no point in hoping.
And I think I'm easing along fine, when I realised I no longer pine for your messages, when I no longer think about you as much as before, when I realised I'll be fine even if we don't meet up again.
Maybe, real love is ultimately just a choice.
"No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice."I just don't like you enough, I only liked my perception of you.
And when I started hanging out with you more, that perception alters and the more I learnt about you, the more I fell out of love.
It was all in my mind.
I didn't fall in love with you, I fell in love with a fantasy and you can't live in a fantasy forever.
You can't live in wonderland forever.
Is this part of growing up?
Somedays, I wish I can remain naive and a child forever.
Other days, I chide myself for being so naive, why oh why heart?
Following your brain will make life decisions so much easier, without the what ifs.
But, maybe following the heart will be more fulfilling, if you are mentally prepared for the hardships.
Haha perhaps that's why you need to be 'mentally' prepared to chase after the heart and rein it in before unrealism sets in.
I wish, we can freeze time for awhile.
Freeze moments in time for me to relish them fully.
But nothing lasts forever, and sometimes, forever is just one second.
At some point or another, life tears even the best people apart and it’s not always malicious or intentional. It’s just the way things happen. There are going to be times in our lives where we want everything to last forever but they simply can’t – and it’s nobody’s fault or responsibility to fix. It’s just the way the chips fall. The best times are all fleeting, by their very definition. It’s their exceptionality that sets them apart.- Food for thought
Goodbye, xx.
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