29'Oct 2016

(On flight to Osaka)

Dear Diary

Today, I feel liberated and at peace.
And I want to remember this moment.

This past few months has been a period of growth - individual growth and I can proudly say: I love myself.
They always say be yourself, but in order to be yourself, you must know who you are.
And the answer to that, perhaps is not that complex after all.

You just have accept yourself fully - the past you, the current you and the you to be. 

The past you, is not the person you are now.
The current you, will not be you in future as life and the people you meet will change and mould you.
And the person you are yet to be, is within your control to shape.

You have to visualise the person you want to be and move towards it.
And I am at peace, because I know I am moving towards it.

Who do I want to be?

I want to be a kind, compassionate, gracious and forgiving person. I may get lost along the way, as circumstances and people hurts me and makes me bitter. But, I have faith I will heal. Because the power lies in me, I give myself permission to heal. 

I want to be a courageous person, one who knows when to say no. You can say no to others and be kind as well - because self-love is necessary for giving more love to others. 

I want to be a person who dares to take chances. Who'll rather take the risk of being vulnerable then be afraid to try. 

I want to make decisions from a position of love, rather than fear. 

And even if other refutes me, it's ok.

Because, the only validation I need, is from myself.  

I am my own best friend - thank you Zhong, for staying soft and kind.

It's all a process & journey of self-discovery. In the midst you may fall and feel disheartened but it will be ok.

You know why?

Because I will always have your back.

Love,
Zhongyun

#selfachievementunlocked

Yay! Self-achievement unlocked. :D

Flying off in a day's time. 

Hoping it will be a fun trip hehe. 

On a journey of self love, healing and discovery. 

And so I realised...

I used to think continuous giving to others is being kind and good.
It is.
However, if it is at the expense of yourself, it is being selfish - to both yourself and others.
Because, your giving won't be unconditional but harbouring on getting something back because your own needs are not fulfilled.
And people can sense that and people will leave.

I used to think - why can't I keep friends.
And then I realised, it is because I don't value myself, that's why others don't value me.
I lack respect, to myself.

You can only give more, when you are whole yourself. 

Today, I can proudly say: 'I love myself.'
With all my imperfections.
What's wrong with being loud and chatty and straightforward?
If you can't appreciate me, that is your problem, not mine.

As for the people who left, it just shows there is no place in my life for you.
Thank you, for once leaving footprints.
But now, that's all there is.

I need to grow, as a person.

So today, I am whole.
I am complete by myself.

My self-worth does not need external validation, I just need my own validation. 

Climbing Bukit Timah Natural Reserve!

Went to climb Bukit Timah Hill with Pam, Val and my Dad today!

It reopen-ed after 2 years restoration and was all over the news ytd.

Had Macs with Dad and Bro before we headed over to pick Val up.

The carpark at Bukit Timah Hill was full when we reached but we met this really kind uncle who signalled to my dad to take his parking lot.

Was really '来得早不如来的巧‘ Hahaha

Congratulatory shot at the 'peak'

Bukit Timah Hill was really short =x

Like only around 160m high? 

This is the flight of stairs which the restoration added.

Made the whole tramp much easier as it used to be literally climbing up rocks.

Saw lesser Monkeys this time, or perhaps all of them were hiding because too many humans around. 

Still remember the last time I was at Bukit Timah Hill was when I was 10?

And this monkey leaped on me to grab the KFC drumlet I was eating LOL

I was so traumatised that I cried and refused to come down from my dad's hands for the rest of the climb. 

HAHAHA

Can't believe 14 years just passed like that.

___________________________________________

Good Job ZY.

I've learnt to not take things personally.

Rmb, it's all a learning process.

Flying in 5 days time! Woohoo ~

Feeling blessed for what I have - a dad who always have me in mind, Val & Pam as friends. 

Good things will come, have faith Zy. 

Everything in it's time, have patience.

In the meanwhile, just be the best version of yourself you can be.

Jiayou! :)

Kin Kin Chili Pan Mee!

Went to try the Kin Kin Chili Pan Mee after work today with Jason, Christine, Rebecca and Shi Han!
Haven't went out with them in agessss, especially Jason.
The Chili Ban Mian turns out to be pretty nice!
And luckily had Becks, who drove us to the place, which was super near Shi Han's home.

Went to eat dessert after at a cafe near Shi Han's place.
And he was super funny - kept insisting the cafe was just 300m away from the Pan Mee place when it was obviously so freaking far!
At least 3 traffic lights away LOL
And somehow he managed to get Becks to drive to his house... to go to the bathroom. LOL
And we went to his place - to play light saber for awhile HAHAHA
His room is like a storage of dangerous weapons - light sabers ($500 each omg), swords, arrows and bows.

Had the creamiest cheese cake ever and nice taro cake with ice cream.
While discussing about what commonalities we had --> relationships, work complaints etc
But it was fun, normal colleagues fun.

And took the train all the way back from Paya Lebar after.
Omg, so far.

Christine showed us the ISG guy Stella was intending to intro to Lynn...
And in the end, Jason kpo-ed and went to contact him (who is his colleague) and sent my photo over lol
But I'm ok la, keeping my heart and mind open to meeting new people.

I think, I've really grown in my mentality and expectation towards people I meet now.
I'm still myself, but I've learnt to establish certain boundaries and know that things take time.
And most people doesn't stay.

So, laugh while you can when most people are still here.
Live in the moment.

Because, we only have the present. :)

Mid-Oct

Listening to Disney soundtrack now. HAHAHA
So random but I love Disney music, it always makes me super hopeful and happy. ^^

I felt like I haven't updated on my life recently.
As always, it feels like so much things are happening at the same time, yet things are moving really slowly...
Is it a mid-20s thing? =/

Work-wise, I am really busy going on course this few weeks - sitting in for my own courses, service 101 etc.
It has been pretty fun!
Especially the mouse-trap game we played today haha.
And I realise I am really a damn anxious/kan chiong person.
When I can't communicate my ideas, I'll rather do it myself LOL.
Which was what happened when i literally grabbed my blindfolded buddy A's hands and was trying to help him build the model hahaha
Hmm... good point to note about myself, and something I should improve on.
Calmness in all situations is always good *point to note*

Private-life wise...
I am currently volunteering with 50cube SG and helping out with event planning for the Big Family Day Out Carnival to be held on Nov 19.
And... I think I really stepped out of my comfort zone by actively sourcing for vendors and even approaching vendors at SCAPEmarketplace to get their namecards to contact them.
Good Job Zy *pats myself*
But, I think I over-estimated myself...
Because I feel quite over-exerted with the commitments I'm making.
Hence, I told Elissa directly that I would require some more assistance.
And without being apologetic about it - although I felt quite bad, like I couldn't handle my position.
But I think being honest about it and asking for help is actually being more responsible in a way.

As for other aspects, I have toned down a lot.
Especially towards relationships in general - organic is the way to go.
And, when relationships have fulfilled their purpose, it's better to just let it go.
I feel strangely at peace with my life right now.

Was talking about self-esteem with Val.
And I realise it is a continuous process - building up self-esteem that is.
When I reached the peak of High Junk Peak, my self-esteem went so high up, I was reeling from it even for the week after.
But, recently because of work and maybe just the mundaneness of life, I feel my self-esteem is going down again.
And my self-defeating thoughts are always there.
Good thing to note is at least I am aware of them now, and I will work on eventually eliminating all this self-defeating thoughts.

I will not engage in self-sabotage anymore haha.
That is a promise to myself.

Ohhh... and I have been going to dentists so often, All Smiles Dental is like my 2nd home.
Went today again coz the gum on my right has been so painful.
I thought it was like some unclean stuff again but turns out, I burnt my gum zzzz
No wonder so pain.
Hoping it will get well soon!

Health hasn't been the best recently.
Hoping will get well before my Japan tripppp.

Yes yes, going Japan in about 2 weeks time - next Sat.
And this time is gonna be a longgg trip.

Can't wait.

Till then~

True Goodbyes

I've come to realise
that true goodbyes are silent.

They are said without words
but just a silent decision made in your heart.

That the time is here
time, to let go of what never was and never will be.

Mental Health Awareness Day!

Went SCAPE early this morning to participate in the World Mental Health Day 2016.

And I made a new friend - Amelia! 

Haha had a really fun time chatting with her. 

She is currently a year 3 student in NUS studying sociology. 

And i realised recently I have been making a lot of young acquaintances because there is something about them that attracts me to them - unguarded idealism and positivity. 

Maybe... even innocence. 

Was sharing with Liping after BLESS volunteer work on Thurs. 

Regarding how much my life has changed this 1 year - relationships with friends, the lousy guys I've met, colleagues that left & the conversations I've had, office environment etc. 

And... how sad I am when I can feel my innocence slipping away. 

To be honest, I still think I'm pretty naive, in the sense I am very trusting towards people. 

I always approach with the mentality - to trust unless the person proves me wrong. Once broken, you will never get back my trust again. 

Then again, maybe its a good thing. 

Over dinner ytd, Val shared what her colleague mentioned: It's a compliment if others say you are not naive, key is to be a wise & kind woman. 

After this whole year, if there is one thing I have learnt, is that:

Every reaction I give to an external stimulus/situation, I'm essentially handing power over to the other person. 

And, I am not going to do this anymore. 

I am no longer going to chase after people and I am going to let go of people that no longer aligns or serves me in my growth. 

For relationship wise, I'm learning to let things be. 

Maybe innate I still have some fear etc, but the good thing is, I'm learning to take chances. 

I'm learning to love myself, and setting boundaries - learning to say no when I don't want to do things. 

Career-wise... still work in progress. 

But I have faith, I will find my path and my definition of success. 

Right now, I just feel blessed for what I currently have. 

Positivity and Mindfulness ^^