思念是一种病 (ii)

以为最难的那坎已经过了
但是，却是一碰就碎的自我安慰。。。
失恋真的好痛苦，觉得我最恨的敌人我都不希望发生在他／她身上。

Watched this video, and it says if you really miss someone, write out what you wish to tell him about
So, here I am haha
I went Grey for a meeting this afternoon and after the meeting, I had such a strong urge to ask him out for dinner
Only to realise he is no longer mine and our lives no longer intertwine.

Maybe it's because there's distance, now that I can see clearer, all I can focus on are his good points.
And how magical it was when we started...
Good memories are really the bane when a relationship ends zzzzz

I just have to remind myself, to put things into perspective.
That he stopped loving me, he was emotionless, the person I fell in love with was just a facade he put up.
The real him was not who he was, and not someone I can accept.
He didn't want kids, we do not have a similar future ahead.  And there never was a 'us'.

So no matter how badly you miss him, do not text, do not contact, do not ask him out.
Today, you did well ZY.  3 claps for you.

I miss you. 

Tmr, you will do better :)

Jiayou!

Be kind to yourself

Grieving seems to be a non-linear thing

Just when I thought I was better, V day hits and another 3 days of crying resumes

Things seem to feel bad again because I received another terrible news last Fri.

Right after the break up, I received the opportunity to interview for a job that I really wanted 

And I was so close to getting it because they started doing reference checks...

Only to receive the news last Fri that the position may be on hold

It literally felt like another door just slammed in my face.

My dad has been a great support

While conversing with him, I stated that I feel terrible because nth seems to be going right

Or put in other terms, things are not going the way I want. 

And then he pointed out - most things in life do not go the way you want them to. 

I have realised, my personality and character is like this - I want things to go the way I want

Yet, I lack the tact and strategy to make people do the things I want, so I am doomed to be unhappy. 

And also, there are a lot of things in life that is beyond our control.

The trick to happiness is to recognise and accept life is difficult, and to do what is within our control (our response (not reactions) and hard work) and accept what we can't. 

And to find our mini joys in life. 

Saying is easier than done. My self-entitled personality, I don't think it will change much. 

But,  I can change the thoughts in my mind and being aware whenever I get into that negative space in my head again. 

Too many hard pills to swallow. 

To get over this grieving process and find my acceptance, the first step I'm going to do is to be kind to myself. 

Lessons in Love (2)

Lessons in Love (1)

2018

Mr Chim

You know the love is not real

When letting go was so easy

Guilt was the only feeling left

in the shadow of our past 

Motivations in love is really important

please, do not use another person to forget a heart break

2019

Buddy

I loved you, earnestly and truly 

I loved your sincerity

I loved your patience and kindness

I loved your cooking and being the best IG BF

I loved our chemistry
I loved the security you gave me

You were everything I wanted and needed, at the start

But things changed, we changed

Or maybe, we just became who we really are

And who we really are, was fundamentally a mismatch

Mismatched expectations, mismatched priorities, mismatched values

Mismatched timing

I am too much for you, and you are not enough for me

Thank you, for the memories
感觉自己很像做了一场很美丽的梦
现在，我们只是最熟悉的陌生人

xoxo

What I've learnt, is that I don't know how to manage my expectations

or to really respect another person

I just want what I want, and I don't even know how to ask for it 

When I'm in love, I become a kid and so irrational

Maybe, I'm not suitable for love after all