Credits to purplerainistaken

I finally got my IPOD.
HAHA.
And its in my favourite colour blue as well. =]]]


Today was such a long and tiring day.
Woke up at 7.30am and took the MRT to Dhouby Ghout.
Went to participate in Accendo street sale with chun jing,
where we are supposed to sell wrist bands at $2 to raise funds for student advisory centre.
Was positioned at wisma atria that stretch of road,
& i realised how thick-skinned we must be in order to approach others.
=/


Not saying that i'm embarrassed to be raising funds for a good cause,
but its just,
the many rejections that people gave demoralised us.
However, there are nice and kind people ard as well,
& they approached us!!!!
=]]]]


At the end of the 4 hrs [ from 9am- 1pm],
both of us were about to collapse under tiredness
& we managed to sell 20 wristbands together.
Not easy ok, just imagine the grim faces people pull when we approach.
Some of them even avoided us by walking another path la.
I thought it was rather rude.
>.<


After the whole street sales,
me and chun jing still stayed behind for about 1 hr doing surveys.
Yes, we approached pple again.
Oh my, it's like one whole day of approaching pple and getting rejections.
I mush THANK chun jing so much.
coz she sacrificed her time to help me,
when she's not even in my PW grp.
=]]]]]]]


Was so tired when i reached home.
Am gonna slp soon.
Tmr still must wake at 6.30am to reach sch by 8am.
=[[[[[




& so i wonder, where will this lead us?

LIFE"S GOOD. =D

OH.
I just realised the 'title' function in blogger posts.
=x
HAHA!

Anyway,
I'm very happy today!
=]]]]]]]]
My parents have decided to buy for me Ipod Nano.
WOOHOO!~~~~~


I LOVE MY FAMILY!
<3.
Although i just shouted at my bro for taking out my bookmark,
but, that's beyond the point.
LOL.

Although i dun express it out,
i'm real grateful for my family,
coz i know they'll always be there for me.
& even when the world comes crashing down,
they'll be there to hold it up for me.

& so,
look at the rainbow of ipod colours!
I think i'm gonna buy the blue one,
it does look nice har?
& blue is my favourite colour!
=]]]]]


OH YA!
I passed my chem lect. test!
=]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
16.5/30
Just passed, but still, a pass.
LOL

I realised this post contains a lot of exclamation marks.
haha.
That's coz i'm happy,
& i feel blessed.


With that,
i'm gonna go read 'Handle with Care'.
=]]]]]

xoxo,
ZY <3.

I'm 17!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Somehow, this birthday feels different.
It's not one of the best, but definitely one of the most memorable.
I think i've grown up, in terms of maturity of thoughts.

Perhaps is due to the many hurdles that i've faced this year.
Especially in terms of social beings.
I'm not a very sociable person, and not one that can keep friends as well.

Somehow, when the clock strucked 12.
Something in me stirred, and i let go.
Let go of my fears, worries and anticipation.

I know, it's gonna be different.
And i'm gonna enjoy today.
Coz i deserve to.
- - - - - -- - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Thanks to all the lovelies who sent me wishes and presents
It's not much, but i do appreciate those people's efforts.
=]]]]]]]

Special thanks to Val, for her diary.
Chunjing, for her DIY chocolate.
Shuqin, for her handmade card and Hello panda.
Bok, Hilda, mama, pam and eunice for ' Handle with Care'.

I'm meeting bok and hilda later for dinner!
haha
at seoul garden.
=]]]]
Just have sudden craving for seoul garden.
& Hilda kept saying i'm pregnant coz i kept having random cravings.
HAHA
I'm not k??

SIdetrack!
i'm supposed to be in sch now, attending SEA tutorial.
But, i woke up late.
=x
& i spent the whole night yesterday on MSN,
didn't even finish one hist essay.
OH MY.


"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have"

I'm so so tired.
Was in school from 8am all the way till 6pm.

Ok ok, maybe that's not worst than normal sch days.
Like during the syf days where im in sch from 8am till 9pm even.
But that's a complete different thing.
Rmb, i'm having my sort of holidays now???
;]

Anyway, was choing-ing pw.
And went for the excel thing from 1-3pm.
Totally wasted 2 hrs of my life and $15.
Grr...

Rushed for cca after which.
And stayed at LT5 crapping, playing ji gou pa with mama.
Can you believe it?
Mama never played ji gou pa before.
It was hilarious when she kept calling pa- gou and ji- pa!
LOLOLOLOLOL!

& good news!
I passed my hist para drills!
=]]
Though nt as good as last time,
but still, the point is i passed.
haha!

Tmr still must go sch for 3 hrs of GP.
OMG! =/
wonder what they are gonna do.
Intensive teaching??
I dun want!!!!!
T.T

Btw, today's poh hui birthday.
HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY, DEAR!!!! ^^




2 days to mine.
Rmb, no expectations. =]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -

edit//
Was looking at a friend's blog,
& she is aiming to go US university to chase her dream.

Made me think, what's my dream?
Last time, i dreamt of becoming an astronaut.
& i was dead serious about it.
Imagine a pri 3 kid borrowing videos on solar systems in the library while others were reading story bks and comics.

& then, my dream changed coz i realised its beyond my capabilities to become an astronaut.
I wanted to be a hotel manager.
However, this changed as well because i realised perhaps i'm not cut out for business.

So now, where does that leave me?
I'll love to have a dream for me to chase, at least it gives me a goal in life.
I think chasing after dreams is much more meaningful than blindly chasing after good results.

So, i was researching yesterday.
& i think i'm aiming for NUS faculty of arts and social sciences.
First of all, i think it's much less competitive to get in, i know my capabilities.
& of all courses, i still think i'm more cut out for Arts.
Even though my arts is not splendid as well, i just feel more comfortable around arts.
Perhaps, faculty of history? =]

Career-wise, i'm not sure as well.
If i really go FOH, where does that lead me to?
Teacher?
I think i'll leave that to the future me to ponder about.

For now, i shall aim, NUS - FASS.
=]]]


Believe it or not, i hope to go oxford university.
but, im a practical person, based on my results now, that's far from possible.
So, what's bad about NUS?
I shall enter NUS.

When i was 9 yrs old,
my family and i went to Australia.
It was so so fun that i actually buried a spade in the sands at surfers paradise.

& i still rmb,
it was 10 steps back from the bush near the entrance.
At that time,
i promised myself that i would go back to the beach 10 yrs on.
& dig the spade out.

Significance of that?
I dunno. Perhaps is just to see how much things can change in 10 yrs time.
& whether the spade is actually still there.

In the blink of an eye,
it's already 8 yrs past.
So, my goal for the nxt two yrs,
is to save as much as i can for the brisbane trip.

Once, we agreed to go London olympics together.
I guess, that's not possible already.

Finally, leaving off with a pic of me when i was 9 yrs old.
With my mum, in beautiful Australia.
;]





Saw this quote from a commercial: ' It's the little imperfections that makes a person perfect.'

Finally!!!
Watched a movie after god-knows-how-long.
Haha.

Watched 'Night at the museum 2' st cineleisure after sch with bok and hilda.
I watched the first movie in 2006 with my dad,
and now, it's still as funny as ever.
LOL.
Though i felt this movie was more cheesy.

Love the Einstein bobbleheads,
SUPER cute!
' I am. You are. We are. Me too!'
OMG!
I was laughing so hard,
but i guess, no one can win bok at laughing.
LOL.

& i realised,
i've been going to orchard for 2 consecutive days.
Went orchard on thurs too and ate mogu-mogu at far east.
Yesterday, after the movie, we went to taka kinokuniya.
Meant to buy my birthday present,
but in the end, coz all 3 of us were broke, they decided not to buy first.
=[ * pouts*
I wanna read!!!!

Then, we went to hongkong cafe to eat.
First time there!
Ate till so full.
& if you were wondering how we managed to eat such an expensive meal when all 3 of us were broke.
The ans is----- NETS!
=]]]]
Bok paid first.

& Bok was super motherly.
Went home after which, walked all the way back to far east as only that bus stop have 105.
Was super thankful to bok and hilda for walking back with me,
in the end, they were still at orchard at 11pm.
Apparently, the bus stop was too full and they decided to take the MRT in the end.
>.<

Overall, it was fun.
=]]]]

xoxo
zy

Today's 21st May,
& in another 6 days time,
i'll be 17.

Somehow, there's no anticipation for this years' birthday.
Instead, i sort of dread it and can't wait for it to pass.
With birthdays, it rises my expectations.
Expectations for certain people's well-wishes, presents etc.
& i'm afraid of disappointment.

It hurts when people that matters to you forgets your birthday,
& then you realise, you don't matter to them at all.

I always make the effort to remember people's birthdays,
because i know a simple effort of wishing them,
would brighten up their day.
This goes the same for me.

& that's also the reason i wish my birthday would pass by faster.
Life resumes as normal afterwhich.
I know i should not harbor any thoughts for my birthday,
just treat it like any other day and don't demand much from others.

But i'm only human afterall.
Saying is easy, doing is tough.
Even if i say so, it's only a facade.
Deep down, i really crave for some acknowledgements for my day.

Friends enter and leave, it's the footprints they left behind that matters.
Till today, even though most of the pain had subsided,
I still have the sudden urge occasionally to call you.
Simply coz i still miss you a lot.

Both you and me didn't change, its the environment and circumstances that had changed.
Nothing's changed, yet everything is not the same anymore.
I really detest changes, i yearn for a simple and mundane life.

& i finally realised,
no matter how much things changes, how many new friends i'll make,
you'll always have a special place in my heart.
Because, you matter a lot to me.
In the past, present and future.

Oh man.
I think im evil. >.<
Supposed to be at sch now and taking the dreaded hist test.
But here i am, at home reading the notes instead.

And later im still going to sch for the afternoon lessons.
GOSH,
hope she let me take re-test.
And pls, dun let me bump into her in sch later.
I feel so evil, but, i didn't have anytime to study at all.
What with the VCH concert and everything.

Speaking of which,
the VCH concert was rather fun.
Coz of the pple i guess.
Quoted from suping: ' Why the uncle kept staring at my bitch?'
LOL!!!

And i realised i like to perform on stage.
Esp with all the guzheng pple,
familiar faces, and we are doing this as a group, as a whole, as a family.

However, it was super tiring!
my whole right arm is aching from carrying baBOOM everywhere.
And coz of the rehearsal, we carried our gz for dunno how many times upstage,
downstage, walk a whole round to backstage.
Was quite pissed-off by that.

Oh well,
at least things ended off quite good.
BUT, i didnt take pic with sir stamford outside VCH.
=[

Reached home at about 11.30pm.
And slept all the way till 9++am today.

I figured it was too late to go sch,
so i didnt go for the hist lesson.
Oh ya,
and i failed gp again.
=[

Sad, but what's the use?
Gonna fail Chem too.
Like so horribly.

I need motivation!!!!!!!!!!
where is it?

Dun wanna think about pw.
=[

xoxo
zy

I wonder why i always get SUPER nervous before a chem test.
I mean, i'll get all the butterflies and everything before every single tests of course.
There's just more before a CHEM test.
=[

HOW???
I'm about to leave the house soon and the butterflies are making me feel queasy.
This feeling is just a slight bit better than the time before my chem o level paper.

See?
It's all chem.
BOO~~~

I guess chem will always leave a deep mark in me.
It's the sub that i have the least confidence in.
Please let me prove myself wrong, and let me pass the chem lect. test.


*pray*

I need motivation!!!!!!!!
so in holiday mood now, don't even feel like studying for chem.
Sigh.

But if i dun concentrate soon enough and study now,
i think i'll fail super horribly for the chem lect. test.
Which will demoralise me again,
and i'll be sad.
=[

Gosh, how????
I love chem, i love chem, I LOOOOVEE CHEMISTRY!


Apparently, that makes you love the subject more.
=]



That's shakespeare in love.

Hola!!!!
Finally, it's the weekends!
:]]]
Happy there's no tech run this afternoon and i reached home at 3+pm.
LOL!

Something expected and yet im escaping from happened today.
Finally, everything is in the light.
Of course, i was still affected and sad.
But after the talk i had with my mum during dinner,
i realised that being unhappy over the matter doesn't change anything.

After all, i can't change others, i can only change myself.
So i'm gonna be a happy girl.
:]]]]
and i'm trying nt to think too much as well.
Only makes me more unhappy.

On a happier note,
Holidays are arriving!!!!!
Like finally.
LOL.

Just have to survive through the chem lect. test and SEA paragraph drills nxt wk.
And i must prepare myself to face the worst results ever for my gp test.
hmm....

Still, let me enjoy tonight and it's down to work starting from tmr!!!!!
JIAYOU!

xoxo
zy :]

You know, i really hate it when someone brings my hopes up and then single-handledly crash them down again.
I guess i should stop hiding, never liked to play hide-and-seek anyway.
but just somehow, i'm afraid of confrontation. :(

Forget it.
I seemed to have lost my goal.
At least whenever there were friendship probs, i would always be sure of my goals in studies.
Now, i dun even noe what to do at home.

Feel like running away from everything,
and escaping all thoughts.
Or have i been doing that all along??

*this is not an emo post*

xoxo
zy

HELLO!
I have happy news!!!!!

Received back both econs and hist test today.
Coincidentally, i did both of them on the same day as well
HAHA.
And even more, i passed both!!!
:]]]]]]]

I was especially surprised by my hist essay results.
coz i sorta sacrificed hist for econs,
opportunity cost of having two tests on the same day.
=x
in the end, my hist scored 1 mark better than econs.

But,
i'm not gonna let this get to my head.
Afterall, this is just the beginning and is just a pass as well.
Not splendid results.
and, i seriously think i'm gonna fail horribly for my gp test which i should be receiving on fri.
:((((


Went JW library alone after sch.
Purpose is to get the peranakan bk for pw,
and i took 154 all the way from sch to boon lay.
It took such a looooong time.
And i was feeling light-headed as i stepped down from the bus.

Things didn't go smoothly,
I had difficulty locating the bk and when i finally did,
i couldn't borrow as i had OUTSTANDING fines.
And then, i went to the machine to use my ez-link to pay.
However, i didn't know that we can't use the new student ez-link card to pay.
And i stupidly stood in front of the machine with it not even deducting costs.

Eventually, i went down to the 1st floor customer service for payment.
And coz the new ez-link card can't be used and i didn't bring cash card or nets,
the library stuff had to reject me.
However, kind pple do exist and she did a me a personal favour by using her nets to pay while i gave her cash.
:]]]]]]]]
So grateful towards her!!!!!

Luckily i managed to borrow the bk,
or else it would be such a wasted trip.

And i'm slacking tonight with the new storybk i borrowed.
i know now's not the time to read storybks,
but i couldn't resist the 'book' temptation in the library.
LOL

Off to read my storybook!!!!


xoxo
zy



*i've decided, no more emo posts.*

你知道失望是什么感觉吗？
就如你一直仰望的星星突然从天空消失，
发现所谓的圣诞老人其实就是父母，
努力了却没达到自己的要求。
失望就是当你带着期望站在顶峰，现实却推了你一下，从顶峰调到谷底。

我好傻，因为太在乎以前拥有的美好，紧紧握着以前却不肯向前走。
一次又一次的信你，你却一次又一次的让我失望。
第一次信你却带来失望，那是你的错。
第二次，双方都有错。
但到了第三次，实事已摆在眼前，我是个笨蛋。


“失望，有时候也是一种幸福，因为有所期待所以才会失望。因为有爱，才会有期待，所以纵使失望，也是一种幸福，虽然这种幸福有点痛。”
- 张小娴

明天見 - 王心凌
曲︰林俊傑 詞︰陳靜楠 編︰Terence Teo
雨下了　又停了　
泪流了　又干了
你走多久　多远了　我还在这
你说的　你忘了　
可是我　还记得
手心里　紧握着　已不属于我的亲热
爱怎会输给了时间　
我的耳边　再听不见
我以为永远不会变　最习惯的明天见
放手了　该回到原点　
心会受伤　也能复原
我会学着自己走出从前　
祝福明天
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
{edited} 11.31pm
Hola!
I guess i slept too much in the afternoon, and i'm super enthu now.
HAHA!
Can't slp.

Very unproductive today,
only managed to finish graphing techniques.
HMM...
So, i've decided tmr i'm gonna brush up.
And finish chem tutorial, econs tutorial and read through hist notes for proj.

And there's tuition tmr, which i have absolutely no idea what i'm gonna ask him coz i haven started revising.
=x

oh well,
shall wait till tmr and see.

Mon, 8am at bugis for pw project.
Super early, but still, hope everything turns out well.

:]

xoxo,
zy

I've always been walking on a thin line,

and afraid of making even one small mistake that would make me fall out of that line.

It's hard, i'm tired.

I guess it's time to let go now.

Let go, and fly.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Just finished watching Valkyrie.

And i must say, it left a significant impact on me.

The movie was splendid, with excellent performance from Tom Cruise and casts.

And the actor that portrayed hitler did look like him too. =x

From the many events i've seen in history,

I've came down to one conclusion:

History is cruel and those taking history sees the most cruel side of mankind.

Don't say history is just about memorising, it's way more than that.

Without history, there will be no present.

Even though i dislike relieving those suffering,

i still love history, simply coz history is interesting and i can't imagine my life without it.

LOL.

:]]]]]]

Sidetrack!

Today's my Bro's 7th birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIK!!!!!!!!! ^^

I need to catch up on loads of work this weekend.

Wish me luck!!!!

:]]]]

Full concentration on studies!

NOTHING'S gonna distract me.

I've often felt that this friendship seems like a relationship,
Not that i'm homo or bisexual.
But it's just so many yrs together, so many cherished memories.
Spending almost all your waking moments with her,
going through changes in adolescent yrs.
I really hoped with all my might that things would be different.

We've been through so many ups and downs,
and often,
i'll persuade myself to let it be during those rough times, coz things always work out at the end.
But this time, it's different.

In the past, i'll always be the one letting go.
and eventually the situation is salvaged coz you held on.
This time, you are the one letting go.
And there's no returning.

I want to build a time machine,
and go back in time,
and trap us at the moment when we first met.
Coz that moment never changes, the pure and naive beginnings of a friendship.

Shldn't sec. sch friends be those that you keep for life?
I don't know, i seriously don't.

What's wrong with me.
I teared at the sms,
it hurts, so terribly when i rmbered all those memories.

I want to forget them.
But the harder i try, the more i rmb.
I'm a failure.
In every possible aspects of life.

I can't keep a single friend,
I can't lead,
I can't score well in exams,
I can't play the piano well,
I can't even live my life without being worried every other second.

Ever played sims before?
You get to choose the character's personality and characteristics.
If there was this option during my birth,
I would never have chosen coward.

Coz that's what i am now.
A complete coward that can't stop deluding herself, running away and at the end of the day, wallowing in my own sadness.
This is me.
And you don't know how hard i've tried to get rid of my cowardness.
But like my dad once said, it's inculcated into me.
There's no way i can change my personality.

I guess i'm not trying hard enough.
But i really dunno how to go about my life from this second on.
You're gone.

Gosh, I need to stop thinking about the friendship probs!!!!!!
I've broken free from obligations, and is the price to pay for freedom equivalent to loneliness?
:[[[[[[[


I'm gonna survive.
Hanging on, barely.

Solitude, my new best friend.
Have been going to sch and home by myself this few days.
I dun mind going sch myself, i even enjoy it coz im not in the best of mood in the morning to engage in a conversation.
However, the journey home alone is pretty torturous.
Especially with my overactive brain where i can't stop thinking.

Thinking about what?
I'm not exactly sure myself.
About sch, my screwed up life etc etc.
I can't figure out what's wrong with me, why can't i keep friends?
It's like no one can be long lasting with me.
You will never know how much i hope for eternity friendship.
But somehow, one way or another, things always don't work out right.

So, i'm not gonna be hard on things now.
Just go with the flow.
On a happier note, i pretty much enjoyed sch on the whole today.
And i have no idea why.
LOL.
Today is just like any other normal sch day.

I've decided to do things which i presume as right,
instead of following others.
So with that, i'm going for guzheng prac. on thurs.
No matter who's going or not going.
Just have to go home alone i guess, at 8pm.

It's not like i've never done this before.
I enter the world alone, eventually i leave the world alone as well.
Just have to get used to this solitude.
Afterall, i still have myself always.
:]

I've received your message.
And it's so courteous, so strange, so cold.
As if we are strangers, which i guess we've resolved ourselves to be now.


Nostalgic memories overwhelm me with every single activity i do.
My music playlist is filled with songs brings back memories:
Natalie- Love you so: the song that we were both so mad over in sec.2, and you sent it to me.
触电：The song that i love to tease you about.
Six minutes, tongue-tied, I do(cherish you) etc. The songs you loved.

When i go JP, JEC or even at home,
i'm reminded of the things we used to do together.
You've occupied all aspects of my life.

Letting go is never easy,
but with so many memories,
it's tougher than anything.

Refusing change does not recapture the past, it loses the future.
No matter how many heartaches i have to endure, how much tears that will flow.
I will get over it, and move on.
That's what everybody do, because life still continues no matter what happens.

Still, i deny jessica's remarks as right.
I do care about this friendship, it's just the many hurdles and falls made both of us tired.
I do care, it's just i do not know how to express it out any longer.
And it's a 2 parties approach as well.

Eternity was not ours afterall,
and i think it will never be mine.
Even now, i do not know how to keep in touch with others.
I'm sad, at how fast things changes.
At a rate that i can barely keep up.


More introvert than ever, sometimes i do not even see the need to talk to others.
And i've decided, no matter what happens, i'm gonna live happily, even if alone.
When i need encouragements, i shall encourage myself on.
I need to decrease my dependence on others.


It's really the end,
你已变成，我最熟悉的陌生人。

Can't believe i managed to survive through yesterday.
Econs, Hist, Econs, Hist.
Was switching between this 2 topics on wed night,
coz there was econs and hist essay test one after the other on thurs.
=/
Oh well, both tests are over and i'm glad.
As for the results, we shall wait and see.
:]
Lots of tests coming up for the rest of the wks too.
On a happier note, there's no lessons on wk 10.
Which means my hols start from wk 10 onwards.
;]]]]]]]]]


30/04/09
Went PLMGSS concert after school, , with chunjing and ming xiu.
It was not bad and the school compound was super big and nice!!!
We took quite a few pics of the SUPER bi g and spacious auditorium hall where the concert was held.
It's like more than 2 times bigger than LT5.
=x

Went Junction 8 to eat before that,
bought quite a few snacks and was sneakily secretly eating during the concert.
LOL.
I've finally seen and heard the prowess of PL guzheng.
It's not surprising that they have received 7 consecutive gold and 3 GWH in SYF,
They were really extremely synchronised and the speed that they played was super fast.
Oh my. i was dumb-strucked. =/

And after hearing harp ensemble,
I was so so tempted to learn the harp.
Afterall, it was one instrument i was interested in learning.
OK! Shall learn it after i start working, using my own money. =]]]]

The concert ended quite late at about 10.30pm.
And i reached home at 12.30am.
First time i reach home so late,
and i thought there was no bus at JE interchange.
Luckily 333 was still operating.
>.<


1/05/09
Movie marathon at Hilda's house!!! =]
Watched scooby-doo, run papa run.
Was supposed to watch fast and furious as well but we got bored of movies and went to play LIFE.
It was fun!!!!
I think out of all the board games, i love LIFE the most.
Only, i think the life in LIFE is too perfect.
=/

Ate macdonald's 2 days straight.
Nvm, consider make-up for how long i never ate macs.
Was slacking for the past 2 days, and i really like this feeling.
=x
Sigh, shall start studying tmr!
Maths lect. test and GP test nxt wk.











New learnt equation:
No expection = No disappointment.


Hiding behind the mask of ignorance and bless,
How long will the mask hold?
How long can pretending last?

Turn away, I want to be strong.
Pls dun see the tears.