I think 'move on' maybe the 2 most comforting yet upsetting words simultaneously.
For the former, it signifies we will heal with time, we will become better, we will learn to be whole again with time.
Yet, it also means some part of us is gone forever, for someone once so dear and who was the whole universe to you is gone from your life.
How does that work?
Somehow, the whole cycle of impermanence is very upsetting.
The only thing we have is the now, the moment.
If you ask me 1 yr ago, I would have believed in forever. But now? I realise I no longer do.
It's going to be the end of 2015 soon, 1 yr just gone in a flash.
So much happened in 2015, esp the transition from being a student to a working adult.
As my position changed, the pple and my relationships with them changed as well.
I am really glad I survived, esp the upper part of this year was particularly hard on me.
I had a quarter life crisis where I was so confused and feeling so anxious about where I shld go? What shld I do with my life?
But I realised, things do work out.
Maybe not exactly the way you visualize but it will.
I'm thankful for the friendships I've forged in 2015
For the trials I went through, for pple that gave me a chance.
So for 2016, I wish for health, happiness and patience.
More patience towards life, that everything will eventually work out
You will be fine. Have faith.
Xoxo
Zhongyun
P.s Flying to Japan in 5 days! Hope the trip will be fun! :)
Sunday, December 20, 2015
Sunday, November 1, 2015
不值得
钟韵终于明白了。
我在你心中的地位，原来一个朋友都不是。
一直都是我一厢情愿吧。
所以，这次我决定放手。
很可惜，可惜没如果。
最终，连朋友都做不成。
但你不值得我的泪水和付出。
因为我值得拥有更好的。
一切都会过去的。
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
How long is forever?
As girls do, we chatted about guys haha.
She's planning to BTO with her bf soon, as per the practice for many others around me now.
If I say I don't feel pressured, that would be a lie. (Comparison is the root of all unhappiness!)
But then, I step back and think about it, do I really want to enter a relationship because I'm ready or because of peer pressure?
Haha then again, you don't ever enter something 100% ready don't you, just like a lot of things in life.
I mean, you don't even enter life (when you're born) 100% ready to tackle what lies ahead, what life deals you with.
Felt slightly disoriented yesterday night.
I felt desensitised from everything, especially relationships and people.
Not that I've experienced a lot, I'm lucky that most friends I have stayed.
But, there were instances when some slipped through the cracks of life, and the recent days with my history people made me realise I really enjoy the togetherness, but everyone is moving on with their life and paths.
And I lack the faith we'll stay as friends.
People change. Drift apart. Move on.Often, I feel like i'm in a tug of war with myself.
My brain knows realistically all this won't matter after awhile, but my heart still hopes.
But yesterday night, my heart lost its voice.
Maybe, it's because I've finally accepted I must move on.
You don't like me.
It is what it is, no point in hoping.
And I think I'm easing along fine, when I realised I no longer pine for your messages, when I no longer think about you as much as before, when I realised I'll be fine even if we don't meet up again.
Maybe, real love is ultimately just a choice.
"No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice."I just don't like you enough, I only liked my perception of you.
And when I started hanging out with you more, that perception alters and the more I learnt about you, the more I fell out of love.
It was all in my mind.
I didn't fall in love with you, I fell in love with a fantasy and you can't live in a fantasy forever.
You can't live in wonderland forever.
Is this part of growing up?
Somedays, I wish I can remain naive and a child forever.
Other days, I chide myself for being so naive, why oh why heart?
Following your brain will make life decisions so much easier, without the what ifs.
But, maybe following the heart will be more fulfilling, if you are mentally prepared for the hardships.
Haha perhaps that's why you need to be 'mentally' prepared to chase after the heart and rein it in before unrealism sets in.
I wish, we can freeze time for awhile.
Freeze moments in time for me to relish them fully.
But nothing lasts forever, and sometimes, forever is just one second.
At some point or another, life tears even the best people apart and it’s not always malicious or intentional. It’s just the way things happen. There are going to be times in our lives where we want everything to last forever but they simply can’t – and it’s nobody’s fault or responsibility to fix. It’s just the way the chips fall. The best times are all fleeting, by their very definition. It’s their exceptionality that sets them apart.- Food for thought
Goodbye, xx.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Ultimate Bae
Went to watch Crimson Peak with Hilda and Bok today.
It wasn't a horror film, but a comedy LOL.
Shouldn't spoil it but it was pretty epically funny in some places (spoiler: My bae got stabbed in the face LOL)
Ahhh, I was spending the whole time ogling Tom Hiddleston's beautiful face.
And his accent, that voice omg
Melted chocolate SIGHS.
At the end of the film, Hilda was saying she expected more mystery, Bok said she expected more horror and I jabbed in: I expected more Tom Hiddleston LOLLLL
I am unashamedly fan girling hahahahaha
But, seriously. Look at that face.
How can someone be so perfect? *.*
Have been watching way too many movies this past 2 months.
Watched Ant Man, Mission Impossible 5, Mr Holmes, 7 Letters, Inside Out, Maze Runner 2, Hotel Trans 2 and Crimson Peak.
Wow, that's 8 movies in 2 months LOL
I think I just made a record for myself HAHAHA
4 of them were with JL, haha guess it will be memorable in that sense.
But I think, Crimson Peak is a nice ending movie to my movie watching streak.
At least before I start work officially.
Shall cherish this last 10 days of break before work starts.
_________________________________________________________________
为什么人都要等到失去后才懂得珍惜？
犯贱吗？
HD said this to me ytd, which made me super happy: Because I just want to make you happy.
It was simple, but so unconditional.
Makes me realise, there's so many people to cherish, why should I pine over someone who clearly doesn't see me as important?
And I realised I'm really over you.
How? When I stopped pining for your messages.
Now, I just need to get over the fact that soon we won't even be meeting up and our lives will divulge and we will just naturally and slowly drift apart.
Just like most other friendships I have.
It is what it is. Whatever will be, will be.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Special Post: Job Hunting Lessons
I think everything in life happens for a reason.
And throughout this whole job hunting process I have really grown and learnt a lot as a person.
I've learnt to be more patient, to be more assertive, to actively try.
If you don't at least throw your name out there by applying, no one will know your existence.
So i applied, even to those positions I would have shunned away from due to my inferiority complex.
But, even if i got rejected and never even obtained that interview chance, at least I tried.
Best was I applied for Unilever Future Leaders program and didn't even pass the psychometric tests HAHAHA.
But it opened my eyes to how competitive such fortune 500 companies are and how difficult it is to get in.
Even if I somehow managed to get in, I don't think I will be happy there either.
Which brings me to the next point:
Finding jobs is a lot like finding a partner, initially everybody have a lot of expectations, but as time drags on, people get more and more desperate and that's when anything becomes fine.
But when you really get that interview chance, trust me, you won't be able to get past.
Because passion or interest, can't be faked.
Even if you faked it and got in, over time, it's only you who will get jaded.
And the level of happiness is different as well.
When I received the offer from CPF, I was happy. But on hindsight, it was due more to the fact my efforts put into the interview was recognised and it paid off. It always feels good to be appreciated for your efforts.
But, when I received the offer from HDB, the happiness was one different from CPF - I was happy because I got what I want and not just another job offer.
I was really blessed to have two job offerings, but it wouldn't have been possible without the most important lesson I've learnt and I hope I will continue to remember and apply it to other aspects in my life:
It didn't come easy. I'm not kidding if I say I have to remind myself this almost every single day.
Patience, that's one thing I didn't have it in me but I realised how valuable it is.
It is not enough just preaching it, but actually practicing it:
Which is very very tough during difficult times.
I am not saying I managed to achieve it, but I am developing it.
Initially, when everyone was getting job offers and started work in late July/Early August,
I started panicking and developed the worst feeling ever - envy.
I was envious of my friends and wondering what it is in them I don't have?
At that time, I was still doing my internship with HOO and it made me feel even more terrible, I was questioning the reasons why I was still doing an internship?
And that was partially the reason I quit and began job hunting full time.
Job hunting was so painful, made even worse by pressure and expectations.
It was like, almost every job you apply for, you will unconsciously carry hope for a reply, but i've learnt - Companies don't owe you an interview chance.
You have to earn it, through your resume selling, cover letters - You have to sell yourself to get that chance.
And beyond that, it's out of your control.
So, work on the things you can control, put pressure and stress on the things you can change, and leave the rest to fate and luck.
You may have a specific job or industry in mind, but that industry may not have an opening during that time.
And timing and luck plays a large role when it comes to accepting which offer as well.
When I received CPF's offer, I was elated.
But when HDB's interview opportunity came, I had already accepted CPF's and I went with the trying mentality, since no harm going for more interviews and even if i don't get it, I already have half an offer in my pocket.
So I went, with no expectations, and I got HDB's as well.
That's when timing and luck really played a part - I realised I was more keen on HDB's since it was an area i've been interested in trying out all along.
But, CPF's appointment letter signing was earlier than HDB could give me a confirmed offer.
So, I pressurized HDB's side, but they could only promise so much.
And then, when I couldn't make a choice, I decided to just sleep on it.
Hahaha that was my choice - I left it to fate: timing and luck.
As luck would have it, the offer came through in time.
Good things, really do come to those who wait.
Honestly, I have not been to many interviews and not that many rejections as well.
But I have had my fair bit of rejections, and
The only word that could describe what I felt most of the time was stagnant.
I felt stagnant, like my life was on hold as I watch everyone else around me move on to another stage.
But, I think not putting everything in one basket helped me - by looking for distractions.
Val introduced me to BLESS since they were looking for more volunteers.
And I decided to add that into my resume and it became a talking point for every single interview I went, just to fill up the spaces when they ask me what I do in my spare time.
But I really do enjoy volunteering, so I have signed up for this year's ASEAN Para Games, which is going to be held in December.
At times, it's all about keeping things in perspective too.
When I was at my worst, Pam shared an advice with me after having gone through her own depressive stage in job hunting:
It's an attitude, that can be applied to almost everything in life.
Stay positive, stay healthy, keep trying and that job will come.
Opportunities do not come easy, I'm really thankful and I know you all will be one day too. :)
And throughout this whole job hunting process I have really grown and learnt a lot as a person.
I've learnt to be more patient, to be more assertive, to actively try.
Apply First, Think Later.For the whole past 1 month plus when I was actively job hunting, my motto was this.
If you don't at least throw your name out there by applying, no one will know your existence.
So i applied, even to those positions I would have shunned away from due to my inferiority complex.
But, even if i got rejected and never even obtained that interview chance, at least I tried.
Best was I applied for Unilever Future Leaders program and didn't even pass the psychometric tests HAHAHA.
But it opened my eyes to how competitive such fortune 500 companies are and how difficult it is to get in.
Even if I somehow managed to get in, I don't think I will be happy there either.
Which brings me to the next point:
Desperate as you are, please don't spam.Apply more, but to those you at least have a slight hint of interest in.
Finding jobs is a lot like finding a partner, initially everybody have a lot of expectations, but as time drags on, people get more and more desperate and that's when anything becomes fine.
But when you really get that interview chance, trust me, you won't be able to get past.
Because passion or interest, can't be faked.
Even if you faked it and got in, over time, it's only you who will get jaded.
And the level of happiness is different as well.
When I received the offer from CPF, I was happy. But on hindsight, it was due more to the fact my efforts put into the interview was recognised and it paid off. It always feels good to be appreciated for your efforts.
But, when I received the offer from HDB, the happiness was one different from CPF - I was happy because I got what I want and not just another job offer.
I was really blessed to have two job offerings, but it wouldn't have been possible without the most important lesson I've learnt and I hope I will continue to remember and apply it to other aspects in my life:
Good things come to those who wait.This.
It didn't come easy. I'm not kidding if I say I have to remind myself this almost every single day.
Patience, that's one thing I didn't have it in me but I realised how valuable it is.
It is not enough just preaching it, but actually practicing it:
(Definition) 'The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.'
Which is very very tough during difficult times.
I am not saying I managed to achieve it, but I am developing it.
Initially, when everyone was getting job offers and started work in late July/Early August,
I started panicking and developed the worst feeling ever - envy.
I was envious of my friends and wondering what it is in them I don't have?
At that time, I was still doing my internship with HOO and it made me feel even more terrible, I was questioning the reasons why I was still doing an internship?
And that was partially the reason I quit and began job hunting full time.
Job hunting was so painful, made even worse by pressure and expectations.
It was like, almost every job you apply for, you will unconsciously carry hope for a reply, but i've learnt - Companies don't owe you an interview chance.
You have to earn it, through your resume selling, cover letters - You have to sell yourself to get that chance.
And beyond that, it's out of your control.
So, work on the things you can control, put pressure and stress on the things you can change, and leave the rest to fate and luck.
Job Hunting: 50% timing, 40% hard work, 10% luck.As with most stuff in life, it's mostly about timing.
You may have a specific job or industry in mind, but that industry may not have an opening during that time.
And timing and luck plays a large role when it comes to accepting which offer as well.
When I received CPF's offer, I was elated.
But when HDB's interview opportunity came, I had already accepted CPF's and I went with the trying mentality, since no harm going for more interviews and even if i don't get it, I already have half an offer in my pocket.
So I went, with no expectations, and I got HDB's as well.
That's when timing and luck really played a part - I realised I was more keen on HDB's since it was an area i've been interested in trying out all along.
But, CPF's appointment letter signing was earlier than HDB could give me a confirmed offer.
So, I pressurized HDB's side, but they could only promise so much.
And then, when I couldn't make a choice, I decided to just sleep on it.
Hahaha that was my choice - I left it to fate: timing and luck.
As luck would have it, the offer came through in time.
Good things, really do come to those who wait.
Honestly, I have not been to many interviews and not that many rejections as well.
But I have had my fair bit of rejections, and
Rejections are never easy to accept, nor take in.It eats up your self-worth, or whatever there is left, as the unemployed days drag on.
The only word that could describe what I felt most of the time was stagnant.
I felt stagnant, like my life was on hold as I watch everyone else around me move on to another stage.
But, I think not putting everything in one basket helped me - by looking for distractions.
Find things you love to distract you, and you may pick up skills useful for job interviews too.I was looking out for volunteering opportunities as well, since I figured I have so much time on my hands.
Val introduced me to BLESS since they were looking for more volunteers.
And I decided to add that into my resume and it became a talking point for every single interview I went, just to fill up the spaces when they ask me what I do in my spare time.
But I really do enjoy volunteering, so I have signed up for this year's ASEAN Para Games, which is going to be held in December.
At times, it's all about keeping things in perspective too.
When I was at my worst, Pam shared an advice with me after having gone through her own depressive stage in job hunting:
Think of it this way: It's just a job, there is more to life than working.It's easier said than done, but you owe it to yourself to work on it.
It's an attitude, that can be applied to almost everything in life.
Things come, when you least expect them.
Stay positive, stay healthy, keep trying and that job will come.
Opportunities do not come easy, I'm really thankful and I know you all will be one day too. :)
不是我不明白
Finally, I'm finally feeling much much better (although still coughing my lungs out), but in comparison to last week, this is an improvement.
Last week, I was coughing so badly during my meeting with my DD that he felt so bad for me he kept asking me to drink hot water, so nice of him!
And I had a 2hours orientation with him because he wouldn't be in the office on the day I start: 26 Oct.
Omg, can't believe I will be a full fledged working adult in 2 weeks time.
Not sure if I'm mentally (& emotionally) ready, but I hope for the best.
Spent wed at NMS for Grace's group real run and it was a success! TATA.
Then spent the evening with JL, watched Hotel Transylvania 2, forgot what 1 was about but 2 was quite funny, only I was pretty sick, couldn't enjoy it as much.
Spent Fri with Heng, SHOPPING.
Using her credit card hahaha, i'm on credit too.
Then met the history gang for grace bday dinz at night and catching up, although it was a pretty short catchup, it was nice seeing each other again.
I'm really really glad most of the history people are employed and is really a mixture of organisations, although 80% are in public sector and just a handful in private.
But it really shows that a history degree doesn't limit your possible career paths, as long as you are realistic and passionate about them.
Really really happy for all of us, and who knows where we will be 5 or 10 years down the road?
____________________________________________________________
不是我不明白，只是还没接受。
也许，我太固执了，一直想要控制一切。
但，成长的一部分就是发现世上有太多无法控制的事，特别是人与人之间的感情。
看淡了，平常心，让自己开心点吧。
我的那个他，还要等多久呢？
Last week, I was coughing so badly during my meeting with my DD that he felt so bad for me he kept asking me to drink hot water, so nice of him!
And I had a 2hours orientation with him because he wouldn't be in the office on the day I start: 26 Oct.
Omg, can't believe I will be a full fledged working adult in 2 weeks time.
Not sure if I'm mentally (& emotionally) ready, but I hope for the best.
Spent wed at NMS for Grace's group real run and it was a success! TATA.
Then spent the evening with JL, watched Hotel Transylvania 2, forgot what 1 was about but 2 was quite funny, only I was pretty sick, couldn't enjoy it as much.
Spent Fri with Heng, SHOPPING.
Using her credit card hahaha, i'm on credit too.
Then met the history gang for grace bday dinz at night and catching up, although it was a pretty short catchup, it was nice seeing each other again.
I'm really really glad most of the history people are employed and is really a mixture of organisations, although 80% are in public sector and just a handful in private.
But it really shows that a history degree doesn't limit your possible career paths, as long as you are realistic and passionate about them.
Really really happy for all of us, and who knows where we will be 5 or 10 years down the road?
____________________________________________________________
茹:不是我不明白
這樣並不算太壞
懂得愛 說來無奈
來自對你虧待 沒刻意掩埋
沒對他坦白 你還在
也许，我太固执了，一直想要控制一切。
但，成长的一部分就是发现世上有太多无法控制的事，特别是人与人之间的感情。
看淡了，平常心，让自己开心点吧。
我的那个他，还要等多久呢？
Monday, October 5, 2015
Burning Hot
So, I'm sick zzzzzz.
Haven't had fever in a long time, I've forgotten how sucky it feels.
But yesterday, at mum's dance performance at VCH, I developed a fever, must be the accumulation of my sickness throughout the past 2 weeks.
Had a terrible night, woke up three times in total to change ice packet and also my cloth on my forehead.
Aurgh, and then slept the whole day away today too.
Luckily, I'm feeling much much better now, hopefully I will get better soon, before wed!
I've decided on HDB and have officially rejected CPF last week.
Gonna go sign the appointment letter and meet the Deputy Director thereafter this thurs.
Was genuinely surprised when the DD offered to meet me again last week, my oh my.
This also means I'm going to start work real soon and as much as I'm excited, the thought of officially starting work so soon is quite scary too. =/
Oh well, shldn't overthink and just have faith in myself. Jiayou zhongyun!
______________________________________________________________
Went to NMS again this past Saturday for Grace's team's dry run.
Was surprisingly quite fun and we had Maki-san for lunch!
Haha was just telling Heng the night before that I had craving for Maki-san and then I got to eat it the next day, yay!
Going to go for their official run this coming Wed too and I am pretty excited about it hahaha.
After their test run, I went Vivo to wait for Val, Pam and Chi coz we were gonna go USS halloween night.
Finally! After 2 years.
But, I feel that this year's wasn't as scary lol.
Or is it because the novelty wore off?
And, we only managed to go 2 haunted houses coz the queues were FREAKING long. zzzzzz
Is ultimate sian and felt like a waste of money.
We reached home at 2 am and I was dead tired, slept at 3 am.
Maybe it is because of a culmination of all these lack of sleep and also the haze that made me fell sick.
Haha everything also blame the haze.
_______________________________________________________________
Why am I still waiting?
On the surface and even rhetorically, I keep saying I'm getting over you.
But somehow, I still crave attention from you.
Maybe, it is because I don't feel security in this friendship and I am really expecting too much.
If we eventually drift apart, so be it.
Isn't that the case? We were never that close to begin with anyway, and our lives are going to diverge very very fast.
So, curb your expectations, zhong, and learn to let go.
Let go.
Haven't had fever in a long time, I've forgotten how sucky it feels.
But yesterday, at mum's dance performance at VCH, I developed a fever, must be the accumulation of my sickness throughout the past 2 weeks.
Had a terrible night, woke up three times in total to change ice packet and also my cloth on my forehead.
Aurgh, and then slept the whole day away today too.
Luckily, I'm feeling much much better now, hopefully I will get better soon, before wed!
I've decided on HDB and have officially rejected CPF last week.
Gonna go sign the appointment letter and meet the Deputy Director thereafter this thurs.
Was genuinely surprised when the DD offered to meet me again last week, my oh my.
This also means I'm going to start work real soon and as much as I'm excited, the thought of officially starting work so soon is quite scary too. =/
Oh well, shldn't overthink and just have faith in myself. Jiayou zhongyun!
______________________________________________________________
Went to NMS again this past Saturday for Grace's team's dry run.
Was surprisingly quite fun and we had Maki-san for lunch!
Haha was just telling Heng the night before that I had craving for Maki-san and then I got to eat it the next day, yay!
Going to go for their official run this coming Wed too and I am pretty excited about it hahaha.
After their test run, I went Vivo to wait for Val, Pam and Chi coz we were gonna go USS halloween night.
Finally! After 2 years.
But, I feel that this year's wasn't as scary lol.
Or is it because the novelty wore off?
And, we only managed to go 2 haunted houses coz the queues were FREAKING long. zzzzzz
Is ultimate sian and felt like a waste of money.
We reached home at 2 am and I was dead tired, slept at 3 am.
Maybe it is because of a culmination of all these lack of sleep and also the haze that made me fell sick.
Haha everything also blame the haze.
_______________________________________________________________
Why am I still waiting?
On the surface and even rhetorically, I keep saying I'm getting over you.
But somehow, I still crave attention from you.
Maybe, it is because I don't feel security in this friendship and I am really expecting too much.
If we eventually drift apart, so be it.
Isn't that the case? We were never that close to begin with anyway, and our lives are going to diverge very very fast.
So, curb your expectations, zhong, and learn to let go.
Let go.
Saturday, October 3, 2015
Touched
Look what came in the mail yesterday! (Since it's past 12 am now)
Care package all the way from Hong Kong with Japanese goodies!
Was so so touched by HD's action I almost teared. T.T
I didn't know anything and when the delivery man came with the package I still asked him: ' Did I buy anything recently?' And he looked at me like I'm an idiot LOL
No one has ever done something like this for me before, I am really very blessed and thankful.
Thank you, I am blessed. :D
Monday, September 28, 2015
Ice Ice Baby
Had a fun day out today.
JL asked me for Jap Nabe ytd night coz of some 50% off voucher and we went all the way to Chijmes for it.
It was good though! And quite cheap, each person only had to pay $13.50 in the end hehe.
After which, I went back to JEM to meet Val.
Because... we are going ice skating! After so long hahaha
Apparently, Jcube's ice skating rink has free ice skating for all uni students, except we had to pay for the skate rental.
So, we skated for about an hour and 15 mins.
Omg, I really couldn't skate hahaha.
Had to hold on to this seal support thingy throughout hahaha.
It's ok, I will improve next time!
After that, we went to eat at Macs.
They have this new 'create-your own burger' set.
JL asked me for Jap Nabe ytd night coz of some 50% off voucher and we went all the way to Chijmes for it.
It was good though! And quite cheap, each person only had to pay $13.50 in the end hehe.
After which, I went back to JEM to meet Val.
Because... we are going ice skating! After so long hahaha
Apparently, Jcube's ice skating rink has free ice skating for all uni students, except we had to pay for the skate rental.
So, we skated for about an hour and 15 mins.
Omg, I really couldn't skate hahaha.
Had to hold on to this seal support thingy throughout hahaha.
It's ok, I will improve next time!
After that, we went to eat at Macs.
They have this new 'create-your own burger' set.
Tada!
This is the burger set we created.
It was honestly the nicest Macs burger we have tasted hahaha.
The sauce was the bombz - Tomato Jalapeno sauce - both spicy and sweet at the same time.
And some survey person came around and asked us to do a survey and at the end gave us $5 each!
I was genuinely surprised lol, wasn't expecting any monetary compensation.
So in the end, we technically had a free burger hahaha.
It was a nice day, simple yet filled with the people that can make me laugh and be there for me.
I'm happy and blessed for today.
Thank you.
______________________________________________________________________
As usual, JL, being the popular guy he is, bumped into another of his friend when we are out.
And his girlfriend had to tease if we are out on a date.
Of course I said no, but he, as usual, just said nth.
Haha I know we are just friends or else he will have done so much more for me, we didn't talk for a week before he suddenly asked me out for lunch.
But after today, I realised we can only be friends and there's only so much friends can do and can't do.
People change, things change too.
I honestly feel like we are living on borrowed time lol.
Soon, I will start work and he will start his and back all the way to the east.
But it's ok, I don't expect anything anymore.
Having this moment itself, is enough.
时过境迁，物是人非。
Life, is all about timing.
Thursday, September 24, 2015
NMS day!
Had a great day at NMS today. Was there from 10.30am till 6pm! Gosh, even as a history major, didn't expect myself to stay at a museum for so long.
Haha Was there as a tag-along to grace, maria, michelle djong, nat and bryam's NIE group for their recce.
It was quite fun, but so tiring by the end of the day.
The new museum exhibition still carried some exhibits from the old but a lot of their displays/videos improved and some were pretty cool!
I will recommend everyone to check it out.
The biggest highlight of the day.... must still be the food. HEH
I haven't had food for thought for some time and omg, it was still nice! Their brunch, esp the garlic mushroom.
But, by the end it was pretty salty and I was so full from it.
I still ate somemore when i went home, gosh. =/
And now, I have a huge dilemma - HDB or CPF?
CPF called and officially offered me the contract and asked me to head down to sign it.
However, I am still undecided so i gave HDB a call, asking if they are keen on having me and if I am given the offer?
In the end, the HR told me earliest they can tell me is by next Fri. Sigh.
Means I have to delay the CPF signing to next next week, that's the longest I can drag.
Hopefully HDB will give me a call, but in the meantime I have to decide.
Which do I want?
Gosh, this is so hard for someone with 选择恐惧症。
I shall do a pros and cons list tmr, although if I have a clearer idea of the details may be better.
Coz now HDB haven't officially gave me an offer so I'm not so sure either, like the pay etc.
Shall see how it goes then.
_________________________________________________________________________
Haha Was there as a tag-along to grace, maria, michelle djong, nat and bryam's NIE group for their recce.
It was quite fun, but so tiring by the end of the day.
The new museum exhibition still carried some exhibits from the old but a lot of their displays/videos improved and some were pretty cool!
I will recommend everyone to check it out.
The biggest highlight of the day.... must still be the food. HEH
I haven't had food for thought for some time and omg, it was still nice! Their brunch, esp the garlic mushroom.
But, by the end it was pretty salty and I was so full from it.
I still ate somemore when i went home, gosh. =/
And now, I have a huge dilemma - HDB or CPF?
CPF called and officially offered me the contract and asked me to head down to sign it.
However, I am still undecided so i gave HDB a call, asking if they are keen on having me and if I am given the offer?
In the end, the HR told me earliest they can tell me is by next Fri. Sigh.
Means I have to delay the CPF signing to next next week, that's the longest I can drag.
Hopefully HDB will give me a call, but in the meantime I have to decide.
Which do I want?
Gosh, this is so hard for someone with 选择恐惧症。
I shall do a pros and cons list tmr, although if I have a clearer idea of the details may be better.
Coz now HDB haven't officially gave me an offer so I'm not so sure either, like the pay etc.
Shall see how it goes then.
_________________________________________________________________________
Always remember this, Zhongyun.
Don't chase people, never chase affection or attention.
Because the right ones will show theirs without you asking, the right ones will stay.
As for the wrong ones, let them go, no matter how much you don't want to.
Because, they don't belong anyway.
Whatever will be, will be.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
17.09.15
Was reading through my blog archive yesterday and suddenly I rediscovered the joy of blogging.
Hahaha Because as I age, I tend to forget a lot of stuff, and re-reading made me LOL.
So, I've decided to blog again, since I have so much time anyway.
Life as an adult to be is not smooth sailing.
I have been job hunting for the past few months, did an internship with HOO productions from late June to early Aug, it was pretty interesting and I made a few friends like Long, Vi, Pam and Charlene.
However, I didn't see me being there for long, hence I quit.
Haha biggest incentive working there should be the boss, who is Eunice Olsen. Haha she is really very pretty in real life. And I did learn, every place is a learning experience.
So, from Aug till now, I've been job hunting. Applying to jobs, crafting cover letters, editing resume bla bla. It's pretty dry to be honest.
But! I've also been volunteering with BLESS Shining Star Reading Programme and I really enjoy it!
My fav girl is Kamiliah and she is a darling, extremely pretty and smart.
I realise I quite enjoy volunteering because I like the instant gratification I get from being able to make a difference to someone else, no matter how small it is.
Other than that, I have been exercising.
Recently Val and I joined yoga together, but the teacher-uncle is so funny.
His lessons seem to be for hao lian-ing how good he is instead of teaching us. LOL
I feel like my $$ is being wasted there.
Oh well. At least it's kinda funny HAHAHA
And, besides that I spend all my time preparing for interviews and going for interviews.
Went for CPF last week and HDB today, hopefully I'll get them.
I think, I've grown a lot actually, for the past few months.
Becoming more assertive, patient and just overall, more positive.
Hopefully, I'll keep this haha.
That's all for my life update for now!
Happy I earned $40 from my F1 tracking. HEH.
TATA.
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
6 years on
Get to know yourself better
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
Redid the personality test I did 6 years ago.
Some have changed, while others haven't.
Looks like my straightforwardness is taking the lead haha
If you love someone, let them go.
It has been 2 months since my last post.
And 5 months since I've graduated.
A lot of things has changed, and life is too fast for me to even catch my breath at times.
I feel stagnant, yet I'm moving on.
Changing for the better, that's what I hope and feel.
It's been ages since I've been so optimistic, patient and accepting of myself.
Guess it's true then, when the only way to go is up, we always have coping mechanisms and the only way is indeed up.
How long more? I don't know. Honestly, I'm living week by week.
Am I happy? I don't know.
I really don't.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saw that it is prof dimoia's bday on fb.
It brought back memories, because just a year ago we threw a surprise party for him in class.
Was it just a year ago? It felt ages back, almost like an eternity away.
Life sure does move fast, when everything is changing ard you.
Did I like you one year ago?
Haha honestly, I can't rmb. I can't rmb when I started having this infatuation with you.
Somehow, we had this connection. Or maybe, it was all in my head. Because now, it's gone.
I know you are not the right guy for me.
Liking a non-committal guy is like committing relationship suicide. LOL
And you don't see me that way, we have established boundaries.
But you don't know, the me before knowing you had almost no guy friends.
I was anti-social and did not know how to talk to guys.
Whereas you, are the social butterfly. The one who lives in hall, who has 300 likes on a fb profile pic. The one who has countless girl friends. The Mr popular scholar, who has it all.
We are not compatible, and yet, I wish we are.
Maybe, 人真的是犯贱的。
We want what we don't have, what we can't have.
We yearn for what is not ours, yet neglecting what we already have.
Sometimes, I think of what can be, if we meet at a different age and stage of our life.
Will you be committal? Will you like me?
Will I like you?
But I guess, we'll not be the you and me right now.
Perhaps the me then, may not even like you.
No point in guessing the unknown.
I know, all this will come to an end. And that end maybe sooner than we know, since nie is ending soon.
But, just once, maybe it's closure for myself, I just wanna say, I like you.
More than just friends.
But, almost is never enough.
It never is.
Monday, July 27, 2015
10.59pm
会心疼了，是不是代表就长大了？
This job search process has not been easy.
As I slowly acknowledge my lack of skill sets and abilities and how cruel the world can be.
It's not easy, life is hard.
But I'm holding on, holding on still.
因为我的心会痛。
今日，看着老爸到处飞，头发都苍白了。
也许是因为不是每天都看到他，很明显能看到他的苍老。
今天，老爸说他拔掉了第2颗牙。我问他为什么老是牙齿发炎，他说也许是没照顾好。我觉得是因为压力太大。
然后我就问他，如果我工作了，是不是会好一点？他说也许他就会去找不会压力那么大的工。
我的心，就这样痛了。
This job search process has not been easy.
As I slowly acknowledge my lack of skill sets and abilities and how cruel the world can be.
It's not easy, life is hard.
But I'm holding on, holding on still.
因为我的心会痛。
Friday, June 26, 2015
夜深，人静。
好奇妙。
深夜，总会让人沉思。
12.06am.
突然感触良多，不知何去何从。
也许在这一刻，阿妹的歌最能安抚我。
突然發現站了好久 不知道要往哪走 還不想回家的我 再多人陪只會更寂寞 許多話題關於我 就連我也有聽過 我的快樂要被認可 委屈卻沒有人訴說 夜把心 洋蔥般剝落 拿掉防衛剩下什麼 為什麼脆弱時候想你更多 如果你也聽說 有沒有想過我 像普通 舊朋友 還是你 依然會心疼我 好多好多的話想對你說 懸著一顆心沒著落 要怎麼負荷 捨不得又無可奈何 如果你也聽說 會不會相信我 對流言 會附和 還是你 知道我還是我 跌跌撞撞才明白了許多 懂我的人就你一個 想到你想起我 胸口依然溫熱 許多話題關於我 就連我也有聽過 我想我寧可都沉默 解釋反而顯得做作 夜把心 洋蔥般剝落 拿掉防衛剩下什麼 為什麼脆弱時候想你更多
深夜，总会让人沉思。
12.06am.
突然感触良多，不知何去何从。
也许在这一刻，阿妹的歌最能安抚我。
突然發現站了好久 不知道要往哪走 還不想回家的我 再多人陪只會更寂寞 許多話題關於我 就連我也有聽過 我的快樂要被認可 委屈卻沒有人訴說 夜把心 洋蔥般剝落 拿掉防衛剩下什麼 為什麼脆弱時候想你更多 如果你也聽說 有沒有想過我 像普通 舊朋友 還是你 依然會心疼我 好多好多的話想對你說 懸著一顆心沒著落 要怎麼負荷 捨不得又無可奈何 如果你也聽說 會不會相信我 對流言 會附和 還是你 知道我還是我 跌跌撞撞才明白了許多 懂我的人就你一個 想到你想起我 胸口依然溫熱 許多話題關於我 就連我也有聽過 我想我寧可都沉默 解釋反而顯得做作 夜把心 洋蔥般剝落 拿掉防衛剩下什麼 為什麼脆弱時候想你更多
Saturday, June 20, 2015
12.09am
Officially 23.
Officially a graduate.
Officially unemployed.
No one ever told me that the 20s will be filled with so much confusion.
I always thought the teenage rebellious years would be the most confusing, little did I realise that would be nth compared to now.
Fresh out of college, I am at the most confusing point of my life yet.
I have no idea what I want to do, I have little confidence of what I am capable of, and suddenly I feel so lost in the big big world.
Life is a series of choices and decision making. But I feel i've never been hit with so much decision making in the past week.
Getting that job offer from NHB and then rejecting it - and it all took only 2 days with tons of advice sought.
Now, I have obtained an internship at a film production company, with little knowledge of what to expect and whether I am mentally prepared for it.
Its the uncertainties that are killing me and my confidence slowly and gradually....
Failure, I have deep fear of it. What ifs? The pessimism in me nags at me every single second - what if this is not what I want? What if it doesn't work out? What if I can't take it? What if I fail?
But, what if this is exactly what i want?
Clarity, that's what I need right now. Yet, I'm continuously swimming in the murky waters of the 20s.
There's so much I need to learn - FIND A CAREER, get a permanent full time job, learn about financial planning, get a BF and get married, start a family blah blah.
This is how life is supposed to be, isn't it?
And I almost seem late to the game, late in the race. I'm still an immature child who can't take hardships.
I have been self-reflecting a lot these past few days.
What do I really want? That ans still eludes me, but I do know I won't get the ans just by thinking or sitting on my butt.
It's only through doing that I will know.
So what if I fail? I can always start over again, it is never too late.
Have faith in yourself. Believe. You can do it, Zhongyun, you can and you will.
Officially a graduate.
Officially unemployed.
No one ever told me that the 20s will be filled with so much confusion.
I always thought the teenage rebellious years would be the most confusing, little did I realise that would be nth compared to now.
Fresh out of college, I am at the most confusing point of my life yet.
I have no idea what I want to do, I have little confidence of what I am capable of, and suddenly I feel so lost in the big big world.
Life is a series of choices and decision making. But I feel i've never been hit with so much decision making in the past week.
Getting that job offer from NHB and then rejecting it - and it all took only 2 days with tons of advice sought.
Now, I have obtained an internship at a film production company, with little knowledge of what to expect and whether I am mentally prepared for it.
Its the uncertainties that are killing me and my confidence slowly and gradually....
Failure, I have deep fear of it. What ifs? The pessimism in me nags at me every single second - what if this is not what I want? What if it doesn't work out? What if I can't take it? What if I fail?
But, what if this is exactly what i want?
Clarity, that's what I need right now. Yet, I'm continuously swimming in the murky waters of the 20s.
There's so much I need to learn - FIND A CAREER, get a permanent full time job, learn about financial planning, get a BF and get married, start a family blah blah.
This is how life is supposed to be, isn't it?
And I almost seem late to the game, late in the race. I'm still an immature child who can't take hardships.
I have been self-reflecting a lot these past few days.
What do I really want? That ans still eludes me, but I do know I won't get the ans just by thinking or sitting on my butt.
It's only through doing that I will know.
So what if I fail? I can always start over again, it is never too late.
Have faith in yourself. Believe. You can do it, Zhongyun, you can and you will.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
23
23.
The age of confusion, bewilderment.
The age of in between - not a girl, not yet a women.
The age where we have so much, yet nothing at all.
The age where the future looks so bright, yet so bleak.
Fresh out of collage, the world is our oyster. But is it, really?
Is it, really?
The age of confusion, bewilderment.
The age of in between - not a girl, not yet a women.
The age where we have so much, yet nothing at all.
The age where the future looks so bright, yet so bleak.
Fresh out of collage, the world is our oyster. But is it, really?
Is it, really?
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