Longest April Ever.

April 2016, felt like the longest April ever.
And I feel I need to jot this down, lest I forget the lessons I've learned.

So, I went for OBS on 31 Mar - 1 Apr and it was so fun!
An experience I will never forget - did my first trust fall, felt the unity as a team working towards a common goal, my first jetty jump! and also... met a few new friends, D in particular.

I can't rmb how it all escalated or when it escalated.
But what happened was we talked during the camp because we were one of the 2 chosen leaders (out of 6) to lead day 2's activities and there were a few periods where it was just the 2 of us.
He was particularly easy to talk to and so nonsensical hahaha.
So, when we were slacking in the aircon room, just the 2 of us, he mentioned smth about playing mahjong with his friends who stays in the West and I leaped up LOL, thinking it won't be too bad knowing a few new friends, and... I asked him for his number.
Thereafter, I took a pic for his friend using my phone and he told me to send it to him, and I did on the taxi ride home, thinking the texting won't last... but it did and went on to smth more.

The first wrong thing I did, was I called him first.
Maybe I was feeling daring and slightly flirtatious, so I called him and thereafter, it became daily late night calls from him.
The worst, and the one that sealed and escalated this whole deal, was the one that we chatted from 2am to 6am. =/
I confess, on hindsight, it was all wrong.
Why? Because, he literally just broke up with his gf. And he started confiding in me about everything - what went wrong with him and his ex, why they broke up etc.
And, within a short period of 2 weeks, I have went on 2 dates with him and he calls me every night literally - and i couldn't stop the tide.
It was all too fast and furious till i snapped - I felt like I was a rebound and I couldn't take it anymore.

So, I called him out and thrashed it - it is either friends or nth. I had to set things straight.
And, currently I feel everything is all good, he has stopped and we are clearly just friends.
But, I realised he taught me quite a few stuff about myself and what i want out of a relationship:

1) I'm an ITTM aka overthinker.

OMG. I was overthinking so much, now thinking back.
It almost drove me nuts too.

____________________________________________

31 Dec'16

Post-Script

I didn't finish this post then...
The ending, was something I expected, it had always been in my gut instincts.
It hurt, so badly then.
Because, I wondered why, why am I not the chosen one.

But, on hindsight, it was because of my need for validation, that made me so susceptible to narcissists like him.
I will leave this post, the way it was.
Because, it will be a lesson I want to remember.
Remember enough to not make the same mistake again.

Thank you, 2016.

Just came back from Shanghai! 

Was a whirlwind 6 days trip but I had a lot of fun~

Photo with my whole extended family!

It has been a long time since we could all gather under one roof, and I am very happy I ended the year with my family. 

The highlight of this trip must be Shanghai Disneyland! 

Haha this is the 3rd theme park I've been to in this year. 

Wasn't intending to go initially but Wen Wen Jie Jie took leave to go with us, I am very thankful to her and her bf for taking care of us. :) 

________________

2016 is coming to an end...

And wow, what a ride it has been.

I think, I've never had so much 'dramas' happening in my life till this year.

And also, so many 'firsts' in my life. 

I think, 2016 must be the year of growth for me & there's more to come. 

More than anything, I've learnt that the most important thing is to love yourself. 

好好爱自己，知道吗？不要和自己过不去。

 其实，真的没什么大不了。

 As for the whole year, I have nothing but gratefulness, for everything I went through. 

Because, through it all, I've learnt so much more about myself. 

It's all a growth journey, isn't it? 

Thankful to everyone I've met, especially those who stuck by me - Val and HD. 

I'm especially grateful towards HD, because the trip to HK was really a last min decision and it literally saved me.

Everything about the trip, healed me. 

They say everything happens for a reason.

People are like seasons, they come and go. 

I'm thankful and blessed for the constants.

Although I really miss HD, things have not been the same ever since he got attached.

But I'm really happy for him ^^

For 2017, I just want to find my inner peace and balance.

And more than anything, I want to be a confident and positive woman. 

Part of me is still struggling, because I will miss the innocent me. 

I will always choose to believe in the good of people, but I will learn to be wiser, in how much I give and people I let in. 

Most of all, I am thankful. 

谢谢你，钟韵。

你很勇敢，继续微笑知道吗？

Onwards yeah ~

2017, will be a brand new start. 

Special Moment

Treat it like a special moment.

Yeah, that's all there was.

It's ok to take a break, everything in its time.

At least it was a lesson learnt, culmination of this whole year's growth process.

Never be emotionally attached, to something that is never yours.

And, value yourself.

How a guy treats you, is how you deem yourself worthy to be treated.

So, thank you, for the fun date. ^^

Thank you, Zhong. For maturing.

It has been tough, but remain authentic no matter what society says.

Jiayou.

两年了

一转眼
两年了
两年前的我们，已经不在了
剩下的，只有满满的回忆

已经好久没这么sentimental了
今晚，就让我怀念一下吧
就算，只剩下我一人，怀念那回不来的时光

人，总是以为一切都会一样
日复日，年复年
但，时间却证明
日子天天过，但是人却一直变

在一个variable多过constant的世界
能有几个constant呢？
特别是人，多么希望每个在我心里刻下脚印的是constants
2016年却证明，那只是天真的想法

谢谢今年在我人生出现的人
谢谢两年前的你们

现在，就让一切归回回忆吧

#NUS#HISTORYCOHORT2015

Sick 3

So... I fell sick again.
LOL I think I should create a tag just for my illnesses this year.
I have never fell sick so often and in so many ways till I started working here zzz
And, like usual, I got 2 days MC.
6 days worth of MC this FY, good job ZY.

This time, I got viral fever.
Had a mild fever on Tues night and surprisingly it went down within the evening.
But reared it's ugly head in the form of a rash on my hands, arms and feet.
It was red and spotty and itchy.
I thought it was HFMD at first, coz only on my hands and feet.
But there were no ulcers in my mouth hmm...

Anw, if I write down the number of different ways I was sick this year, I could publish a book LOL
Including the probs with my teeth and gum ulcers tsk.
I really should take better care of my health.

Have decided, from Dec onwards and till next year, I am going to work on me.
This year, 2016, has been a learning process in terms of relationships and meeting all sorts of guys bad for me.
I have had enough, no more.

For what's left and about to come,
I am going to focus just on 3 things:

1) My Health 

2) Career (new job and career I'm going to embark on) 

3) Loving and building on the people that loves me

 Timeline to get new job --> By June next year.

In the meantime, I need to stop engaging in self-sabotage and find avenues to develop myself.
For my work, I'm going to try and find avenues for presentations.

Jiayou ZY, you can do this.

_________________________________

Really enjoyed this acoustic cover of 'Still Into You' by Ashley Tisdale. 

Someday, my love will look at me the way the 2 of them look at each other. :)<3 p="">

Big Family Day Out Carnival'16

BOOYAH~

Haven't been updating this space in agesss

I'm back from Japan and it was an epically COLD trip lol.

There were so many photos taken (like 900+) and videos and I am kinda lazy to upload them haha

But it was a fun trip

Best part was USJ, I LOVE IT ~

Harry Potter world was so magical and I LOVE THE ROLLER COASTER

They have music blasting out and we took it at sunset, the view was so gorgeous. 

Ok, this post wasn't supposed to be Japan... I'll leave it to another time if I feel like updating hahaha

Anw! Ytd was the BFDO carnival day, after 1.5 months of busy coordination and liaising with vendors with Kendrick.

The above pic was the highlight of the day - photobooth with Minister Lim Swee Say 

How many people takes photobooth with ministers! 

HAHAHA YAY so lucky.

But, the crowd for the day was so little, I felt so bad for the vendors.

And indeed, today one of them wrote in to complain and demand for refund. 

=/

Shall see what the main organising comm says.

And today, I did a video interview and it was soooo horrible, terrible, vegetable. 

Omg, I think the person seeing it tmr will think it is a joke LOL

Hahaha I was literally laughing at myself when I did it. 

Sigh.

Nvm, treat it as a learning experience. 

Shall start preparing and working hard for future interviews. 

___________________________

Although I was half expecting it, I was kinda surprised the guy I met on Coffee Meets Bagel actually came down ytd.

We had lunch and I thought it went ok haha

But... he always give off mixed signals

Is like he doesn't really chat?? We didn't talk at all for 4 days till he came down ytd.

And it was me who initiated zzzz

And after texting ytd, we stopped again. 

ZZZZ 

I take it all as RED FLAGSSS

Inconsistency = HUGE red flag. 

Hahaha I say till I am like some dating guru LOL 

When I am super inexperienced =x

Oh well.

It'll come when it comes, and I'll know it.

In the meantime, I'm gonna continue doing me. 

29'Oct 2016

(On flight to Osaka)

Dear Diary

Today, I feel liberated and at peace.
And I want to remember this moment.

This past few months has been a period of growth - individual growth and I can proudly say: I love myself.
They always say be yourself, but in order to be yourself, you must know who you are.
And the answer to that, perhaps is not that complex after all.

You just have accept yourself fully - the past you, the current you and the you to be. 

The past you, is not the person you are now.
The current you, will not be you in future as life and the people you meet will change and mould you.
And the person you are yet to be, is within your control to shape.

You have to visualise the person you want to be and move towards it.
And I am at peace, because I know I am moving towards it.

Who do I want to be?

I want to be a kind, compassionate, gracious and forgiving person. I may get lost along the way, as circumstances and people hurts me and makes me bitter. But, I have faith I will heal. Because the power lies in me, I give myself permission to heal. 

I want to be a courageous person, one who knows when to say no. You can say no to others and be kind as well - because self-love is necessary for giving more love to others. 

I want to be a person who dares to take chances. Who'll rather take the risk of being vulnerable then be afraid to try. 

I want to make decisions from a position of love, rather than fear. 

And even if other refutes me, it's ok.

Because, the only validation I need, is from myself.  

I am my own best friend - thank you Zhong, for staying soft and kind.

It's all a process & journey of self-discovery. In the midst you may fall and feel disheartened but it will be ok.

You know why?

Because I will always have your back.

Love,
Zhongyun

#selfachievementunlocked

Yay! Self-achievement unlocked. :D

Flying off in a day's time. 

Hoping it will be a fun trip hehe. 

On a journey of self love, healing and discovery. 

And so I realised...

I used to think continuous giving to others is being kind and good.
It is.
However, if it is at the expense of yourself, it is being selfish - to both yourself and others.
Because, your giving won't be unconditional but harbouring on getting something back because your own needs are not fulfilled.
And people can sense that and people will leave.

I used to think - why can't I keep friends.
And then I realised, it is because I don't value myself, that's why others don't value me.
I lack respect, to myself.

You can only give more, when you are whole yourself. 

Today, I can proudly say: 'I love myself.'
With all my imperfections.
What's wrong with being loud and chatty and straightforward?
If you can't appreciate me, that is your problem, not mine.

As for the people who left, it just shows there is no place in my life for you.
Thank you, for once leaving footprints.
But now, that's all there is.

I need to grow, as a person.

So today, I am whole.
I am complete by myself.

My self-worth does not need external validation, I just need my own validation. 

Climbing Bukit Timah Natural Reserve!

Went to climb Bukit Timah Hill with Pam, Val and my Dad today!

It reopen-ed after 2 years restoration and was all over the news ytd.

Had Macs with Dad and Bro before we headed over to pick Val up.

The carpark at Bukit Timah Hill was full when we reached but we met this really kind uncle who signalled to my dad to take his parking lot.

Was really '来得早不如来的巧‘ Hahaha

Congratulatory shot at the 'peak'

Bukit Timah Hill was really short =x

Like only around 160m high? 

This is the flight of stairs which the restoration added.

Made the whole tramp much easier as it used to be literally climbing up rocks.

Saw lesser Monkeys this time, or perhaps all of them were hiding because too many humans around. 

Still remember the last time I was at Bukit Timah Hill was when I was 10?

And this monkey leaped on me to grab the KFC drumlet I was eating LOL

I was so traumatised that I cried and refused to come down from my dad's hands for the rest of the climb. 

HAHAHA

Can't believe 14 years just passed like that.

___________________________________________

Good Job ZY.

I've learnt to not take things personally.

Rmb, it's all a learning process.

Flying in 5 days time! Woohoo ~

Feeling blessed for what I have - a dad who always have me in mind, Val & Pam as friends. 

Good things will come, have faith Zy. 

Everything in it's time, have patience.

In the meanwhile, just be the best version of yourself you can be.

Jiayou! :)

Kin Kin Chili Pan Mee!

Went to try the Kin Kin Chili Pan Mee after work today with Jason, Christine, Rebecca and Shi Han!
Haven't went out with them in agessss, especially Jason.
The Chili Ban Mian turns out to be pretty nice!
And luckily had Becks, who drove us to the place, which was super near Shi Han's home.

Went to eat dessert after at a cafe near Shi Han's place.
And he was super funny - kept insisting the cafe was just 300m away from the Pan Mee place when it was obviously so freaking far!
At least 3 traffic lights away LOL
And somehow he managed to get Becks to drive to his house... to go to the bathroom. LOL
And we went to his place - to play light saber for awhile HAHAHA
His room is like a storage of dangerous weapons - light sabers ($500 each omg), swords, arrows and bows.

Had the creamiest cheese cake ever and nice taro cake with ice cream.
While discussing about what commonalities we had --> relationships, work complaints etc
But it was fun, normal colleagues fun.

And took the train all the way back from Paya Lebar after.
Omg, so far.

Christine showed us the ISG guy Stella was intending to intro to Lynn...
And in the end, Jason kpo-ed and went to contact him (who is his colleague) and sent my photo over lol
But I'm ok la, keeping my heart and mind open to meeting new people.

I think, I've really grown in my mentality and expectation towards people I meet now.
I'm still myself, but I've learnt to establish certain boundaries and know that things take time.
And most people doesn't stay.

So, laugh while you can when most people are still here.
Live in the moment.

Because, we only have the present. :)

Mid-Oct

Listening to Disney soundtrack now. HAHAHA
So random but I love Disney music, it always makes me super hopeful and happy. ^^

I felt like I haven't updated on my life recently.
As always, it feels like so much things are happening at the same time, yet things are moving really slowly...
Is it a mid-20s thing? =/

Work-wise, I am really busy going on course this few weeks - sitting in for my own courses, service 101 etc.
It has been pretty fun!
Especially the mouse-trap game we played today haha.
And I realise I am really a damn anxious/kan chiong person.
When I can't communicate my ideas, I'll rather do it myself LOL.
Which was what happened when i literally grabbed my blindfolded buddy A's hands and was trying to help him build the model hahaha
Hmm... good point to note about myself, and something I should improve on.
Calmness in all situations is always good *point to note*

Private-life wise...
I am currently volunteering with 50cube SG and helping out with event planning for the Big Family Day Out Carnival to be held on Nov 19.
And... I think I really stepped out of my comfort zone by actively sourcing for vendors and even approaching vendors at SCAPEmarketplace to get their namecards to contact them.
Good Job Zy *pats myself*
But, I think I over-estimated myself...
Because I feel quite over-exerted with the commitments I'm making.
Hence, I told Elissa directly that I would require some more assistance.
And without being apologetic about it - although I felt quite bad, like I couldn't handle my position.
But I think being honest about it and asking for help is actually being more responsible in a way.

As for other aspects, I have toned down a lot.
Especially towards relationships in general - organic is the way to go.
And, when relationships have fulfilled their purpose, it's better to just let it go.
I feel strangely at peace with my life right now.

Was talking about self-esteem with Val.
And I realise it is a continuous process - building up self-esteem that is.
When I reached the peak of High Junk Peak, my self-esteem went so high up, I was reeling from it even for the week after.
But, recently because of work and maybe just the mundaneness of life, I feel my self-esteem is going down again.
And my self-defeating thoughts are always there.
Good thing to note is at least I am aware of them now, and I will work on eventually eliminating all this self-defeating thoughts.

I will not engage in self-sabotage anymore haha.
That is a promise to myself.

Ohhh... and I have been going to dentists so often, All Smiles Dental is like my 2nd home.
Went today again coz the gum on my right has been so painful.
I thought it was like some unclean stuff again but turns out, I burnt my gum zzzz
No wonder so pain.
Hoping it will get well soon!

Health hasn't been the best recently.
Hoping will get well before my Japan tripppp.

Yes yes, going Japan in about 2 weeks time - next Sat.
And this time is gonna be a longgg trip.

Can't wait.

Till then~

True Goodbyes

I've come to realise
that true goodbyes are silent.

They are said without words
but just a silent decision made in your heart.

That the time is here
time, to let go of what never was and never will be.

Mental Health Awareness Day!

Went SCAPE early this morning to participate in the World Mental Health Day 2016.

And I made a new friend - Amelia! 

Haha had a really fun time chatting with her. 

She is currently a year 3 student in NUS studying sociology. 

And i realised recently I have been making a lot of young acquaintances because there is something about them that attracts me to them - unguarded idealism and positivity. 

Maybe... even innocence. 

Was sharing with Liping after BLESS volunteer work on Thurs. 

Regarding how much my life has changed this 1 year - relationships with friends, the lousy guys I've met, colleagues that left & the conversations I've had, office environment etc. 

And... how sad I am when I can feel my innocence slipping away. 

To be honest, I still think I'm pretty naive, in the sense I am very trusting towards people. 

I always approach with the mentality - to trust unless the person proves me wrong. Once broken, you will never get back my trust again. 

Then again, maybe its a good thing. 

Over dinner ytd, Val shared what her colleague mentioned: It's a compliment if others say you are not naive, key is to be a wise & kind woman. 

After this whole year, if there is one thing I have learnt, is that:

Every reaction I give to an external stimulus/situation, I'm essentially handing power over to the other person. 

And, I am not going to do this anymore. 

I am no longer going to chase after people and I am going to let go of people that no longer aligns or serves me in my growth. 

For relationship wise, I'm learning to let things be. 

Maybe innate I still have some fear etc, but the good thing is, I'm learning to take chances. 

I'm learning to love myself, and setting boundaries - learning to say no when I don't want to do things. 

Career-wise... still work in progress. 

But I have faith, I will find my path and my definition of success. 

Right now, I just feel blessed for what I currently have. 

Positivity and Mindfulness ^^

HongKong'16 - Best Trip Ever

Woo~

Have been back from HK for about a week but I am still reeling from the trip.

It is the best trip ever till now, even better than NZL.

Maybe because I went with no expectations, was totally YOLO with no itinerary. 

Heck, I packed on the morning itself before heading to the airport. 

And I was sick zzzz

BUT, it turned out to be the best trip ever.

And I did so many things I never thought I would. 

Biggest accomplishment would be climbing to the peak of 钓鱼嗡 (High Junk Peak).

Just look at the view!

It was breathe taking and worth my 3 falls going downhill HAHAHA

The sun was crazy though and we climbed up when it was 32 degrees.

I felt so so so free and liberated when I was at the top. 

Good thing was there was a slight breeze ~ 

And the weather, was perfect. 

I was so scared it would rain throughout my trip (like how it did the previous time I went HK last yr), because it rained on my 2nd day and I went Disneyland in the rain zzzz.

BUT! The weather was perfect for the rest of my trip. :)

I felt so happy & at ease throughout the trip, all thanks to the non-local Hongkonger - HD. 

On the first night when he picked me up at the airport, he got lost LOL.

As expected HAHAHA 

A 50 mins ride from the airport to Kowloon Island became 1.5 hrs because he went to HK Island instead and took a LONGGG detour.

But, it created memories hahahhaa.

Thanks to HD, I got to meet Choco niece and Maddy - finally!

Has been seeing pics of choco niece all the time and they are soooo cute. 

Went to the peak and Stanley beach with his family before having dinner with them. 

Love his family so much because they are so hospitable and treats me like one of their own. 

Made a new friend too!

Baby James hahahah (because he chose to drink 7/11 beverage instead of alcohol when we went to the pier)

He not only used his staff pass to give us discount (50% off!) at disneyland but also accompanied me in my last 2 days. 

I am so grateful to him and he is really really friendly too. 

The oddest meal must be the super ex $200 (yes omg) cafe dinner I had with HD, his gf Monica, James and Monica's ex-colleague. 

It was kinda awkward? Coz they were speaking in Canto and first time HD introducing Monica as his GF hahaha.

But they were all really hospitable.

And I am so so happy for HD, because Monica seemed like a really understanding girl - which makes a good GF.

A compassionate guy like HD, deserves a good girl like Monica :)

And we went to this music gig which I really really enjoyed. 

First time having free flow red wine and the music was so good - jazz and indie style.

The atmosphere was really chillax too. 

Spent all 5 days with HD.

And I am really really grateful to him for taking care of me throughout the 5 days. 

To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to the trip at all.

I was sick - physically and emotionally.

But, so glad I went ahead.

It became a healing trip and I have never felt so re-charged ever. 

Perhaps being able to reach the peak of the mountain changed something in me. 

I never thought I would be able to do it - we were literally climbing rocks to reach the peak. 

But I DID IT. 

Like what they say, 

' Life begins at the end of your comfort zone'

I guess it's true. 

It really does. 

The upper half of 2016 was a mess - filled with drama and unhappiness. 

But, when I left it all in July, I made a pact that the lower half will be good. 

And it is. 

I have moved on. 

Can't wait for what the rest of 2016 have in store for me. 

^^

Happy pills

Was so tempted to take time off this afternoon coz my headache was killing me.
And now I'm sick... what a bad time to be sick coz I am flying tmr zzz

BUT, still made the effort to travel down to beauty world for dinner with val and pam.
They are my happy pills, I was immediately elated when I saw them omg.
Like my whole day of fatigue just went away, and all my unhappiness throughout the day just went away.
How would I live without them sigh.

Val uttered the truth - I wasn't looking for a friend, I was looking for a companion.
That's why my expectations are so high...
It is what it is，I guess.
李大仁是不存在的。
大多数男生，一旦你不感兴趣，就会对你冷淡，最后，连朋友都不是。

Onwards, to better life.
Will be seeing HD tmr, literally hahaha.

Till I'm back~

自己的一厢情愿

当一个男人对你感兴趣，一定会奋不顾身的找你，和你说话，追你。
但，当你要卑微的倒追，就代表兴趣没了。

有可能是我想太多吧。
我也太天真，感情的世界我不知道怎么navigate.

但，我决定了。
从今天起，我不会再卑微的倒追了。
今天，我的所做所谓，也许注定了结局吧。

我要找一个对我好的人，会一直在的人。

礼拜五就要飞去香港了。
去散散心吧~

加油，钟韵。
要相信自己，会找到你的幸福的。^^

--------------------------------------------------
5.57am

最后，还是失眠了。
我觉得好累，这一年，太多事情发生了。
也许最大的过错，就是我总是用自己的理解看世界。
换来的，总是自己的一厢情愿。

很多时候，事实摆在你的眼前。
但，就是一直奢望，一直抱有希望。
换来的，只是失望。

时间，会冲淡一切。
这一点我比任何人都明白。
只是，我还要有多少次的一厢情愿?
多少次的失望?

想放过自己，因为真的太累了。
想找一个对自己好的人，真的好难。

你在哪里?

Picnic @ Botanic Gardens!

Had a great time with Beth and Maria at Botanic Gardens today!

Went there for a mini picnic.

I brought sandwiches, Maria brought grapes (that was super super sweet and nice and she was so proud about LOL) and Beth provided the mat and chips and sausages. 

Botanic Gardens was so misty, it looked super surreal. 

Almost like 'Secret Garden' hahaha

And I am still amazed at S7's camera quality, it is super good!

Went Island Creamery for some post-meal desserts!

We asked for 2 scoops but the amount the generous scooper dished was crazy, way more than 2 scoops.

Thanks for making our money worth! Hahaha

Had a lot of meaningful conversations with Beth & Maria.

It was indeed quality time well-spent and I really enjoyed knowing more about people rather than superficial small talks. 

Shared my honest sentiments on making friends as an adult and how people are so guarded now. 

Sometimes, I wonder if my thinking of treating colleagues as friends is being too naive, because I sincerely believe we can make friends as adults. 

But, most people have already formed their inner circle of friends. 

Those who are attached perhaps are even more closed to meeting new people and making new friends. 

And I don't blame them, it is hard, freaking hard. 

This year, has been the most eventful year for me in terms of relationships till now. 

Been in a lot of one-sided friendships and it made me realise being friends as an adult, the relationship has to be organic, yet not passive. 

There must be one person that shows their vulnerability first and see if the other person reciprocates. 

I guess, the biggest take-away for me this year, is learning how to manage expectations, in every areas of my life. 

There are so many areas of life that are beyond my control now, esp when it comes to relationships.

The only things I can control, are my thoughts and my actions. 

Recently, there has been one person weighing on my mind:

Captain.

Not sure if it was just me, but during OBS I felt an odd sense of chemistry with him. 

Perhaps it was because he is really easy to get along with and he is pretty popular. 

Over the months, somehow unexpectedly, we started a friendship - mainly through going out to movies and eating dinner together etc. 

And, he was the first person who knew about the debacle with D in April.

Then, I cried over the phone to him. 

It was the first time I was so vulnerable in a long time, I can still clearly rmb my tears then. 

And maybe because he was very nice to me, somehow I started having expectations towards him: perhaps there's smth more? 

But, clearly there is nth more. haha

Captain had drawn the lines with me - we are friends and he is friends with everyone. 

Only... I'm not even sure how long this friendship will last. 

Because we don't have a clique, and our lives are too far apart. 

Together with the end of D's debacle, I feel that his part in my life is drawing to an end soon. 

A bit bittersweet, because I really like him as a person. 

Although captain looks beng-ish, I feel that he is a good person and a really loyal one too. 

And I learnt a lot from him, he may be one of the good things that happened to me for 2016. 

I hope sincerely that he will find his happiness soon. 

Thank you Captain. 

And now, I must let go.

Hai Di Lao!

First Hai Di Lao experience today!
Went to Hai Di Lao post-work with the OBS peeps - Alvin, Shi Han and Weiming.
Was kinda worried at first because... wm is not part of CDG and was scared the frequency won't be there and things will be awkward.
But i guess, the worry was unfounded as dinner turned out well! haha
Rather than him, I felt kinda out of place lol.
And, it was sort of the first time I went out with 3 guys omg.

Hai Di Lao was super ex but a good experience nevertheless.
Don't think I will eat it soon though because the price is super ex.
Atas steamboat basically.
And the queue is insane!
Called all 3 branches of HDL for queue ticket, eventually managed to convince Alvin to drive down to IMM.

The whole dinner went quite well - somehow became a counselling session lol.
Or rather, direction seeking session.
Told Alvin about my contract renewal situation and he was kinda taken aback because it never occurred to him that this would happen.

Actually, I alr kinda have my ans.
Will be renewing till I find a job.
I feel really glad to hang out with them because I realise I really learn a lot from them.
Alvin is gonna be a dad soon, bro is in a complicated relationship that has become official and weiming... not kinda sure what's his status LOL.
But, all of them taught me a lot.
Alvin was saying in life, people come and go.
I know this as a fact, but acceptance is still hard.

Wm also taught me a lot - about relationships, friendships and pokemon go LOL.
Glad to meet them, even if is for the time being.
Maybe the definition of friends is really not how long it is, but rather the impact they made during the period they were in your life.

Why

And then I wonder, why I am so bothered/hurt when people leave my life or when people doesn't care about me.
It shouldn't bother as much, because I used to be fine without them, before I knew them.
And things, they run their course.

So, stop chasing after people.
Chase after yourself, and take care of yourself.

Moments in Time

This week is the last week where I will be seeing 大坏蛋 in the office.
And so... this closes another chapter of my life.
This year, I have closed so many chapters of my life, as new people come and go.
I don't think I will ever get use to goodbyes, in fact, I think it gets harder with every goodbye.
But, I have learnt, everything and everybody are seasons in time.
As the phrase goes,

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

On Mon, spontaneously jio-ed weiming out for dinner while on the MRT home.
And I really enjoyed it, coz I managed to catch 3 Pikachus and 1 Snorlax using his phone muahahaa
Wasn't that into PokemonGo till this week LOL.
But I'm only catching for fun, to while away time.
Today, even met Hilda at Somerset to catch pokemons hahaha
I wonder how long this fad will last.

Been reminding myself whenever I get sentimental or too reliant on someone - they are not your possessions.
They can only accompany you for a season, so enjoy the moment.

Have no expectations, everything is a bonus. 

Thank you all, for accompanying me for awhile.

:)

To go or not to go, that is the question.

Recently, life has been so monotonous - work, work and work.
I have been so packed with work, that OT has become a norm.
And with OT, came gastric pains. :(

Today, was originally gonna cancel on dinner plans.
But so glad I went ahead because they brought me out of the zone.
Haven't seen Darrell Lian for very long and he is still as ambitious, or perhaps more ambitious?
But somehow, he has mellowed down a bit more too. Like he is way more grounded in certain aspects.

They brought us to this really cool rooftop bar called Lepark and is like super hard to find coz is directly above People Park Complex.
Mings and I had to take this cargo lift up and I was telling her how this is the perfect settings for a horror film and she totally tsk-ed me LOL.
Really enjoyed the convos, although it was mostly them talking and me listening coz I am not really at their level hahaha.

Today boss shared during the GLC meeting that conversations determine culture of a place and I totally agree.
Was quite sick and tired of the small talks with colleagues at work - like you don't really get to know people for who they are. People just go through the mundanes at work.
Or do people become homogenous after they work? Like blend into the environment.

Looking at D Lian, who just finished a 2 months internship stint in a fintech in Bangkok and now thinking of starting a start-up - saying that it doesn't matter should it fail but he wants to give it a shot.
I start to think what am I doing with my life?
Boss recently told me he decided to renew my contract for another year - meaning I failed to get permanent position.
And the tough decision comes - to go or not to go?

Was going through some work with boss today, and I realised I really cannot stand the culture.
It's too stagnant, too 爱面子, too hierarchical, too restrictive.
Even if I stay, it won't be for long because I cannot see myself progressing or growing in this organisation.
It's really quite sad, considering how positive I was 10 months back on getting this job.

Sometimes I really question the job hopping situation among millennial.
Is it really us being the strawberry generation? Or rather the jobs?
Maybe there shldn't be any finger pointing, most things are never as clear cut as they seem anyway.

Need to make an informed decision & to be less impulsive. 

As for now (& the coming weeks of OT), you can do this Zhong! 

JIAYOU!<3 p="">

Youth Corps

Went for my first Teh Tarik session at the Red Box ytd after work.
Was my first youth corps event since i joined as a member last year.
And, it turned out to be quite fun!
The people there are really really friendly and young hahaa
I was like one of the oldest there.
But their friendliness, just makes me feel very welcomed.

Had an interesting and engaging session where Joe Tan, Founder of Love Action Project shared his experiences and his view on friendship.
Something he shared makes me re-evaluate my view of friendship.
The past year, ever since leaving uni, hasn't been the easiest for me in terms of relationships.
I've met so many new people, yet at the same time so many left as life gets in the way.
But, there are so many types of friendship - those that grow with you, those that are one-time friends etc.
Even if they don't stay, it doesn't mean any of them were not impt to you at that moment in time.
What is more significant, is the experience and impact they brought and taught you.
And I thought about it, the reason why I am always disappointed in people.
Instead of having expectations and questioning others, perhaps I should reflect more on myself.
To have great friends, I need to be a good friend to others first.

After which we had a mini get to know each other session.
Haha had so much fun talking to strangers coz everyone is so friendly.
Stayed behind for awhile to chit chat more with some of them, really glad to met them - Zhi Lei, Chen Hui and Afzal.
Hoping to see them again soon!

__________________________________

Cried at work on Thurs.
Got to know some bad news - HJ is leaving.
Didn't know I would get so affected by her departure but I did.
Sigh, sometimes I get quite annoyed by my own sentimentality, but I am learning not to apologise for how I feel.
Just had to let it out, and then I'll be fine.

Que Sera Sera - What's meant to be, will be.

Melaka 2D1N!

Woots! Spent the past weekend in Melaka with the girls.

And, it was so fun!

The last time I went overseas with them was agessss back.

But, the trip was way too short. Felt like most of the time was spent on the bus to and fro. 

On the first day we even had jam! Left SG at 9.30am but we only reached Melaka ard 2.30pm. 

Checked into our hotel - Estadia and i really recommend it!

The bed was like SUPER big omg. 

We chose a King size bed and the 3 of us slept on it, without touching each other even though we tossed and turned. 

Imagine how big the bed must be LOL. 

The hotel corridor is super longggg.

Only photo of the whole room, although our things were like strewn everywhere hahaha

Look at how big the bed is!

So, after we checked in, we went out to eat something because we haven't had lunch.

In the end... we winded up at Tim Ho Wan LOL.

But, it's so much cheaper in Malaysia coz of the exchange rate. 

After THW, we walked around before taking a cab to eat the highlight - Lok Lok!

This Capitol Satay is seriously so good!

When we reached there around 4.30pm, there was already a significant queue.

Luckily we went there quite early because the queue was even longer after we finished.

I've never had Lok-Lok before so this was an experience.

It was super good. I love the peanut sauce, together with the Tofu skin coz the skin will soak up the sauce. Yum!

After which, we walked to Jonker street for... more food! haha 

Found this place with super good lighting

And we just sat there and took pictures hahaha

Love them <3 p="">

LOL! Totally candid picture hahaha

Look at Pam's expression 

The sky was super nice.

                                             

We tried the Korean nitrogen dessert where you blow out 'frozen nitrogen' when you eat it.

Quite fun but it wasn't that nice. Shld try just for the novelty.

Walked along Jonker Street for the whole night and had loads of street food before going back hotel. 

Actually the whole highlight of the trip was our conversation on the bed. 

The 3 of us were like talking about anything and everything - the convo just flowed from one to the other. 

At one point, the 3 of us were laughing coz we were talking about... highlighters LOL

And it was a super serious discussion coz we were like saying which colour is the nicest hahaha.

Omg, at that point in time, I felt so at peace and so happy. 

It is something I haven't felt for so long - peaceful happiness. 

I miss this connection, this communication, this non-serious topics.

This sense of calm knowing I can trust someone and they understand me completely. 

It is just so hard to make new close friends now. 

Makes me cherish them even more.

Next morning.... We set alarm to wake up at 6.50am to go to the.. gym. LOL

So healthy hahaha we brought our gym stuff to Melaka!

But, we failed LOL.

In the end we woke up at 8.30am, and that Val had to open the curtains fully.

Pam and I had the exact same reaction to the full blast of sunlight HAHAHA

We still went to gym for around an hour and had the whole gym to ourselves!

Before heading down for hotel breakfast and out for shopping.

The trip was wayyy too short. 

Can't wait for the next trip with them. 

When I reached back Sg, had serious bout of post-trip blues haha.

And today, OT-ed till 7.30pm before I left the office.

I have soooo much things on my plate now.

Which is a good thing I guess, I like being busy. 

 

Ending off with fav photo of me that Pam took.

So far, 2016 has been a roller coaster ride with so many firsts for me. 

Life, has been on the fast lane but slowly, things seem to be getting back on track.

I'm learning, to see the silver lining in any situation.

Really glad for the experiences I had, no matter good or bad. 

Almost the end of July now, feeling excited for whatever is going to come my way! :)

NDP 2016! Happy 51st Singapore ^^

Fun & fulfilling day today! 

Went to CCH for housekeeping in the afternoon as I am the OIC for the month. 

Thereafter, I went to meet Liping for NDP 2016 preview. 

Today is actually the pri 5 kids preview and omg, there were so many 11 year olds forming a sea of red and white. 

And they were so.... energetic LOL. For the lack of a better term. 

I can't remember if I was that energetic when i was 11..... so long ago. 

老了老了 :(

Our seat was so good, like right smack in the middle, opposite where the men in white will sit on the actual day. 

And yes! Both of us pasted the 51 tattoo on our faces. ^^

We even wore it all the way home HAHAHA

Took this pic as the fan packaging said to take a selfie and # smth... to stand a chance to win a prize. 

And they gave out this cool laser light wrist band that shines different lights according to the different acts. 

Surprisingly, the parade was shorter than I expected. 

Whole show ended around 8.15pm. 

Really liked how inclusive the parade this year is, they included one whole act for the disabled and the audience are encouraged to participate by learning the sign language for 'Count on Me, Singapore'.

I think it is really sweet and a step forward in the movement towards a more inclusive society. 

Went with Liping to JP for late dinner... in the end it turned out to be she eating and me looking at her eat hahaha.

And I sort of shared a super condensed version of recent happenings. 

And I realised, I no longer carry any emotions lol.

Rather, the part I am more concerned with is the future and how to balance myself. 

The ordeal, opened my eyes to how emotionally manipulative people can be and it scares me. 

Liping said, I just need to regain faith in guys, haha coz I have no problem on the gfs side. 

Working on myself right now - to be a better me. 

Meeting Pam to go gym tmr morning! 

Haha can't believe I self-invited LOL. 

1st HRD bonding day!

Had our 1st ever inaugural HDB HRD bonding day today. 

Early in the morning, the bosses were serving us Nasi Lemak lol.

Luckily I made an effort to leave house early, coz today cannot afford to be late. =x

At ard 3.30pm, we headed down to ACM for a walking monuments tour ard the CBD area.

Before going for dinner at Marina Square Manhatten Fish Market. 

One of the 1st pics with almost all of my lunch girls in!

Presenting... HDB's young HRMS. ^^

Although we were kinda 'forced' to go (obligation thingy)

But, was still glad to spend some time with the girls. 

It's quite hard and rare, to be honest haha

But, instead of it being an HRD bonding, it seemed to be more of our clique bonding LOL

With Delphine being an addition at our dinner table. 

********

Mood Today: Overwhelming sense of loneliness

Solution: Facing loneliness upfront & learning to be complete by myself

Time to sleep! Tmr will be a better day and you will be your positive self soon. 

Slowly, slowly.